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How fights start


Wrinkles

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Some oldies you've probably seen but still good for a chuckle.

How Fights Start........

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift..

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

================

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time,

simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started...

================

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started......

================

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to

200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started.

================

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' she sighed, ' He's my old boyfriend...

I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' I said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

================

I rear-ended a car this morning.. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

==============

I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST.....

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf,

Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

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tonight the wife and i went to a local store to buy her a bicycle (true story).

she had previously scouted them out and wanted to show me her selection, get my input and hopefully load it up in the truck.

we found the bikes, pulled her selection off the display and she asks me, "well, what do you think?"

i simply asked, "do you think the seat is big enough?"

and then the fight started.

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tonight the wife and i went to a local store to buy her a bicycle (true story).

she had previously scouted them out and wanted to show me her selection, get my input and hopefully load it up in the truck.

we found the bikes, pulled her selection off the display and she asks me, "well, what do you think?"

i simply asked, "do you think the seat is big enough?"

and then the fight started.

That's Funny! That's like a backward version of "Do these pants make my butt look fat?" [:#]

We all know the answer to that one......"No, your butt looked fat before you put the pants on!" [:o]

Dennie [;)]

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tonight the wife and i went to a local store to buy her a bicycle (true story).

she had previously scouted them out and wanted to show me her selection, get my input and hopefully load it up in the truck.

we found the bikes, pulled her selection off the display and she asks me, "well, what do you think?"

i simply asked, "do you think the seat is big enough?"

and then the fight started.

That's Funny! That's like a backward version of "Do these pants make my butt look fat?" Zip it!

We all know the answer to that one......"No, your butt looked fat before you put the pants on!" Surprise

Dennie Wink

Do these pants make my butt look fat? No, honey, it's the twinkies and bon bon's....

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A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house.
She
knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see
her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was
playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked.
‘I’m waiting for Justin to come home from work.’ the daughter-in-law answered.
‘ But you’re naked!’ the mother-in-law exclaimed.
‘This is my love dress,’ the daughter-in-law explained.
‘Love dress? But you’re naked!’
‘Justin loves me to wear this dress,’ she explained.
‘Every time he sees me in this dress he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.’
The
mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on
her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on
the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
‘ What are you doing?’ he asked..
‘This is my love dress,’ she whispered sensually.
‘Needs ironing,’ he said, ‘What’s for dinner?

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A man watching a baseball game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple.



“I don’t know whether to watch them or the game,” he said to his wife.



“For heaven’s sake, watch them have sex,” his wife said.”You already know how to play baseball!”




AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver chest hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

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