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Forum Member Signature Lines - The BiG List!!


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Finally have a nice avatar picture? Still frustrated that you have nothing for a witty, profound or otherwise appropriate signature line to match your mood?

Need a good quote? Tired of just listing all your audio stuff, because it just keeps getting longer anyways?

Well, Look no further!!!! From the sublime to the outrageous, from the esoteric, to the simple but effective; here yah go!

Enjoy!!!

  1. 43% of all statistics are worthless.
  2. 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
  3. 99% of lawyers are giving the rest a bad name.
  4. A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.
  5. A bad plan is better than no plan.
  6. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
  7. A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. — Groucho Marx
  8. A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
  9. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. — Emo Philips
  10. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  11. A conservative is a man who sits and thinks. Mostly sits. — Woodrow Wilson
  12. A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others. — Ayn Rand
  13. A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, but the value of nothing. — Oscar Wilde
  14. A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
  15. A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.
  16. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. — Robert Frost
  17. A drunk mans’ words are a sober mans’ thoughts.
  18. A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
  19. A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself — Jim Morrison
  20. A generation which ignores history has no past – and no future. — Robert A. Heinlein
  21. A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.
  22. A gentleman is a patient wolf.
  23. A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often servers simply as something to aim at. — Bruce Lee
  24. A good pun is its own reword.
  25. A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving. — Lao Tzu
  26. A harmful truth is better than a useful lie. — Thomas Mann
  27. A jug fills drop by drop. — Buddha
  28. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. — Winston Churchill
  29. A lie told often enough becomes the truth. — Vladimir Lenin
  30. A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. — George Bernhard Shaw
  31. A little bit of powder, a little bit of paint, makes a girl’s complexion seem what it ain’t.
  32. A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
  33. A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.
  34. A lot of people mistake a short memory with a clear conscience. — Doug Larson
  35. A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman already knows.
  36. A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
  37. A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
  38. A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
  39. A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. — Albert Einstein
  40. A politician divides mankind into two classes: Tools and enemies. — Friedrich Nietzsche
  41. A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
  42. A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
  43. A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend.
  44. A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic. — Joseph Stalin
  45. A smart man covers his ***, a wise man leaves his pants on.
  46. A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
  47. A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a pool.
  48. A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. — Oscar Wilde
  49. A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students
  50. A weekend wasted isn’t a wasted weekend.
  51. A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer. — Bruce Lee
  52. A witty saying proves nothing. — Voltaire
  53. A writer needs a pen, a painter needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army. — Orson Welles
  54. According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.
  55. Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo. — Mary Pickford
  56. Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations.
  57. Adult: One old enough to know better.
  58. Advertising is legalized lying. — H.G. Wells
  59. After all is said and done, more is said than done.
  60. Age has its advantages. Too bad I can’t remember what they are.
  61. Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
  62. All generalisations are dangerous, even this one.
  63. All hope abandon, ye who enter here!
  64. All programmers are optimists. — Frederick P. Brooks, Jr
  65. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
  66. All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
  67. All warfare is based on deception. — Sun Tzu
  68. All work and no play, will make you a manager.
  69. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
  70. Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. — Damian Conway
  71. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. — Oscar Wilde
  72. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
  73. Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
  74. An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  75. An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
  76. An economist is someone who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
  77. An empty stomach is not a good political adviser. — Albert Einstein
  78. An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind. — Mohandas Gandhi
  79. Any clod can have the facts, but having an opinion is an art.
  80. Any fool can know. The point is to understand. — Albert Einstein
  81. Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error. — Cicero
  82. Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
  83. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
  84. Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
  85. Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
  86. Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. — Voltaire
  87. Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. — Mae West
  88. Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
  89. Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
  90. Are you wearing lipstick? Well, mind if I taste it?
  91. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  92. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
  93. As our case is new, we must think anew. — Abraham Lincoln
  94. As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. — Goethe
  95. Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
  96. Atheists can do whatever the hell they want.
  97. Attitude determines your altitude.
  98. Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay…
  99. Bad spellers of the world untie!
  100. Bald guys never have a bad hair day.
  101. Batteries not included.
  102. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. — Mark Twain
  103. Be good – and if you can’t be good, be careful.
  104. Be good; if you can’t be good, have fun.
  105. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. — Plato
  106. Be naughty – save santa the trip.
  107. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one. — Bill Gates
  108. Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
  109. Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
  110. Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing. — Benjamin Franklin
  111. Be yourself, everyone else is already taken. — Oscar Wilde
  112. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
  113. Beauty lasts for a moment, but ugly goes on and on and on.
  114. Beer – the reason I wake up every afternoon.
  115. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? — George Carlin
  116. Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus. — Ozzy Osbourne
  117. Best viewed on my computer.
  118. Better late than really late.
  119. Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace. — Buddha
  120. Between two evils always pick the one you haven’t tried. — Mae West
  121. Biology grows on you.
  122. Blondes may have more fun, but brunettes remember it the next day.
  123. Boards don’t hit back. — Bruce Lee
  124. Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist invents the parachute. — George Bernard Shaw
  125. Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. — Kin Hubbard
  126. Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.
  127. Can a nation be free if it oppresses other nations? It cannot. — Vladimir Lenin
  128. Canis meus it comedit. My dog ate it.
  129. Carpenter’s rule: cut to fit; beat into place.
  130. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
  131. Chaos, panic, pandemonium – my work here is done.
  132. Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
  133. Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
  134. Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
  135. Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day in your life. — Confucius
  136. Chop your own wood and it will warm you twice. — Henry Ford
  137. Clones are people two.
  138. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. — Mark Twain
  139. Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.
  140. Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money. — Robin Williams
  141. Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
  142. College is a fountain of knowledge…and the students are there to drink.
  143. Come to the dark side – we have cookies.
  144. Common sense is not so common. — Voltaire
  145. Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. — Pablo Picasso
  146. Could be worse… I could be Sting. — Ozzy Osbourne
  147. Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
  148. Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.
  149. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. — Ambrose Redmoon
  150. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear. — Mark Twain
  151. Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime?
  152. Criminal Lawyer – a redundant phrase.
  153. Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.
  154. Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight. — Yogi Berra
  155. Dawn is nature’s way of telling you to go to bed.
  156. Defeat is not defeat unless accepted as a reality in your own mind. — Bruce Lee
  157. Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.
  158. Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works. — Steve Jobs
  159. Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments. — Jim Rohn
  160. Do not attribute to malice what can as easily be attributed to stupidity.
  161. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
  162. Does the noise in my head bother you?
  163. Don’t argue with a fool. The spectators can’t tell the difference.
  164. Don’t be humble, you’re not that great.
  165. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  166. Don’t be sexist. Broads hate that.
  167. Don’t believe everything you think.
  168. Don’t complain about the snow your your neighbor’s roof when your own doorstep is unclean. — Confucius
  169. Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.
  170. Don’t cry for a man who’s left you – the next one might fall for your smile. — Mae West
  171. Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.
  172. Don’t keep a man guessing for too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else. — Mae West
  173. Don’t let making a living prevent you from making a life. — John Wooden
  174. Don’t let yesterday take up to much of today.
  175. Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
  176. Don’t mistake activity for achievement. — John Wooden
  177. Don’t steal a police car unless you’re prepared to floor it all the way to Mexico.
  178. Don’t tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
  179. Don’t tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.
  180. Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon. — Brandt Paul
  181. Don’t trust reality. After all, it’s only a collective hunch.
  182. Drive defensively – buy a tank.
  183. Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can’t remember.
  184. Dyslexics have more fnu.
  185. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
  186. Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. — Benjamin Franklin
  187. Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
  188. Earn cash in your spare time. Blackmail your friends.
  189. Earth first! (We’ll strip-mine the other planets later).
  190. Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun.
  191. Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  192. Either you run the day or the day runs you. — Jim Rohn
  193. Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  194. Elevators smell different to midgets.
  195. Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. — Goethe
  196. Entropy isn’t what it used to be.
  197. Even at a Mensa convention someone is the dumbest person in the room.
  198. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  199. Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
  200. Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95.
  201. Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do. — Voltaire
  202. Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty. — Stanislaw J. Lec
  203. Every solution breeds new problems.
  204. Everybody has a plan, ’till they get hit. — Mike Tyson
  205. Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. — Will Rogers
  206. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
  207. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  208. Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
  209. Everyone is beautiful if you squint a bit.
  210. Everyone leaves the world a little better – some by leaving.
  211. Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer. — William Claude Dukenfield
  212. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. — Leo Tolstoy
  213. Everything is always okay in the end, if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.
  214. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. — Steven Wright
  215. Examine what is said, not who speaks.
  216. Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.
  217. Excuse me, is there an airport nearby large enough for a private jet to land?
  218. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  219. Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes. — Oscar Wilde
  220. F u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
  221. Failure is not an option – it’s a lifestyle.
  222. Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
  223. Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. — Henry Ford
  224. Failure is the foundation of success, and the means by which it is achieved. — Lao Tzu
  225. Failure teaches success.
  226. Faster hardware doesn’t solve business problems – unless the business problem is slow hardware.
  227. Fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind. — Dale Carnegie
  228. Fear is the foundation of most governments. — John Adams
  229. Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, scratch where it itches.
  230. Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
  231. First get your facts; then you can distort them at your leisure. — Mark Twain
  232. First rule of acting: whatever happens, look as if it were intended.
  233. Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. — Douglas Adams
  234. For a good time, call (415) 642-9483.
  235. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  236. For every man there exists a bait which he cannot resist swallowing. — Friedrich Nietzsche
  237. For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
  238. For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong. — H.L. Mencken
  239. For good, return good. For evil, return justice.
  240. Forgive you enemies, but never forget their names. — John F. Kennedy
  241. Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen. — Bob Marley
  242. Freedom of speech is wonderful – right up there with the freedom not to listen.
  243. Friendly fire – isn’t.
  244. Friends are nothing but a known enemy. — Kurt Cobain
  245. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  246. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. — Thomas Jones
  247. Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
  248. Frog blast the vent core!
  249. Gee, Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.
  250. Getting screwed while everybody else is getting laid.
  251. Give a jackass an education and you get a smartass.
  252. Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company. — Mark Twain
  253. Goals are deceptive. The unaimed arrow never misses.
  254. God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. — Voltaire
  255. God made us brothers, but Prozac made us friends.
  256. God will forgive me. That’s his job, after all.
  257. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  258. Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
  259. Great thinkers have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds. — Albert Einstein
  260. Half the people you know are below average.
  261. Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. — Dalai Lama
  262. Happiness is something you decide on, not something that happens to you.
  263. Happiness isn’t having what you want, it’s wanting what you have.
  264. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? — Edgar Bergen
  265. Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it. — Salvador Dali
  266. He that can have patience can have what he will. — Benjamin Franklin
  267. He who conquers others is strong, he who conquers himself is mighty. — Lao Tzu
  268. He who has a why to live can bear with almost any who. — Friedrich Nietzsche
  269. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
  270. Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand. — Confucius
  271. Hell, there are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something. — Thomas Alva Edison
  272. Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
  273. Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?
  274. Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
  275. Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex? What, you don’t like pizza?
  276. History has shown there are no invincible armies. — Joseph Stalin
  277. History is a set of lies agreed upon. — Napoleon Bonaparte
  278. Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
  279. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
  280. How come wrong numbers are never busy?
  281. How does a project get to be a year behind schedule? One day at a time. — Fred Brooks
  282. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  283. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
  284. I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. — Pablo Picasso
  285. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. — W. C. Fields
  286. I am not an Athenian, nor a Greek, but a citizen of the world. — Socrates
  287. I am not single, I’m romantically challenged.
  288. I am the captain of my soul. — Nelson Mandela
  289. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
  290. I can resist everything except temptation. — Oscar Wilde
  291. I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do.
  292. I can’t spell and beer doesn’t help.
  293. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  294. I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. — Benjamin Franklin
  295. I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I’ve written a long one instead.
  296. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  297. I don’t care who you are! Get those reindeers off my roof!
  298. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way. — Voltaire
  299. I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better. — Abraham Lincoln
  300. I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out. — Bill Hicks
  301. I don’t mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a *****!
  302. I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me. — Stephen Fry
  303. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  304. I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there. — Oscar Wilde
  305. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. — Groucho Marx
  306. I doubt, therefore I might be.
  307. I drink to make other people interesting.
  308. I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. — Mae West
  309. I had a show. Then I had a different show. Now I have a Twitter account. — Conan O’Brien
  310. I have a drinking problem – the bars close at 2 AM.
  311. I have a strong will but a weak won’t.
  312. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. — Thomas Alva Edison
  313. I have nothing but respect for you – and not much of it. — Groucho Marx
  314. I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming. — Jimmy Carter
  315. I intend to live forever, or die trying. — Groucho Marx
  316. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
  317. I know I’m paranoid, but am I paranoid enough? — Tom Clancy
  318. I know not with what weapons World War II will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. — Albert Einstein
  319. I like being single. I’m always there when I need me.
  320. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
  321. I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away. — Nancy Mitford
  322. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. — Douglas Adams
  323. I need someone really bad! Are you really bad?
  324. I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun. — Thomas Alva Edison
  325. I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do to it. — W. C. Fields
  326. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. — Groucho Marx
  327. I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
  328. I only drink to make other people more sociable.
  329. I prefer old age to the alternative.
  330. I quote people to better express myself.
  331. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
  332. I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.
  333. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. — Peter Kaye
  334. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  335. I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I was mistaken.
  336. I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. — Henny Youngman
  337. I used to be indecisive but I am not sure anymore.
  338. I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
  339. I’d agree with you but then we would both be wrong.
  340. I’d buy you a drink, but I’d be jealous of the straw.
  341. I’d like to live as a poor man with lots of money. — Pablo Picasso
  342. I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. — Kurt Cobain
  343. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
  344. I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure. — Mae West
  345. I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
  346. I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
  347. I’m not a genius. I’m just a tremendous bundle of experience. — R. Buckminster Fuller
  348. I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants. — A. Whitney Brown
  349. I’m not crazy, but the voices in my head might be.
  350. I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!
  351. I’m not paranoid, they really are after me.
  352. I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you — Friedrich Nietzsche
  353. I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up your ***.
  354. I’ve been called worse things by better people. — Pierre Trudeau
  355. I’ve been on a calendar, but never on time. — Marilyn Monroe
  356. If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it’s still a foolish thing.
  357. If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn’t get very far.
  358. If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right. — Mae West
  359. If a man tells a woman she’s beautiful she’ll overlook most of his other lies.
  360. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
  361. If all the cars on the Earth were lined up bumper to bumper, some idiot would try to pass them.
  362. If all the girls in Australia were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.
  363. If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
  364. If at first you do succeed try not to look astonished.
  365. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  366. If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
  367. If at first you don’t succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
  368. If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
  369. If at first you don’t succeed, quit; don’t be a nut about success.
  370. If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
  371. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  372. If at first you don’t succeed, try a shorter bungee.
  373. If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.
  374. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  375. If blind people wear sunglasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?
  376. If everything seems to be going right, you obviously don’t know what the hell is going on.
  377. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  378. If god is inside us, then I hope he likes Fajita’s, cause that’s what he’s getting.
  379. If god is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
  380. If God made anything better than women, I think he kept it to himself. — Kris Kristofferson
  381. If homosexuality is a disease, can I call into work ‘gay’?
  382. If I look confused it’s because I’m thinking.
  383. If I misbehave and nobody sees me, that’s one less lie I’ll have to tell later. — Dave Dunseath
  384. If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
  385. If it can go wrong it probably already has.
  386. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
  387. If it’s stupid but works, it isn’t stupid.
  388. If life gives you lemons, stick them down your shirt and make your boobs look bigger.
  389. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  390. If oranges smell like chicken, why are tomatoes blue? Think about it!
  391. If sex is a pain in the ***, then you’re doing it wrong.
  392. If the early bird catches the worm, what about the worm?
  393. If the opposite of pro is con, then what must be the opposite of progress?
  394. If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.
  395. If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. — Laurence J. Peter
  396. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
  397. If we don’t protect freedom of speech, we will never know who the assholes are.
  398. If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
  399. If we don’t end war, war will end us. — H.G. Wells
  400. If we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.
  401. If you are going through hell, keep going. — Winston Churchill
  402. If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.
  403. If you are not committing any sins, you are probably not having a lot of fun.
  404. If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary. — Jim Rohn
  405. If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.
  406. If you can see this, you’re not blind, which is a very good start.
  407. If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one. — Mother Teresa
  408. If you can’t learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
  409. If you can’t make it good, at least make it look good. — Bill Gates
  410. If you can’t remember, the claymore is pointed towards you.
  411. If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
  412. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
  413. If you didn’t get caught, did you really do it?
  414. If you don’t care where you are, then you ain’t lost.
  415. If you don’t want to slip up tomorrow, speak the truth today. — Bruce Lee
  416. If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably leads nowhere.
  417. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
    worth it.
  418. If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
  419. If you take something away from users, they’ll sneak it in the back way.
  420. If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything. — Mark Twain
  421. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
  422. If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
  423. If you understand what you’re doing, you’re not learning anything.
  424. If you want to make enemies, try to change something. — Woodrow Wilson
  425. If you were any less intelligent you would have to be watered twice a week.
  426. If you’re happy, you’re successful.
  427. If you’re not having fun, then you’re not doing it right.
  428. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way. — Stan Levenson
  429. Illegal drugs are the chlorine in the gene pool.
  430. In a world without walls and fences who needs Windows and Gates?
  431. In America, anybody can be president. That’s one of the risks you take.
  432. In mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them. — Johann von Neumann
  433. In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. — Charles, Count Talleyrand
  434. In the dark I hold your hand, because in the light you look like a man.
  435. In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher. — Dalai Lama
  436. In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. — Benjamin Franklin
  437. Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower. — Steve Jobs
  438. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. — Rita Mae Brown
  439. Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them. — Albert Einstein
  440. It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to. — W. C. Fields
  441. It always takes longer and costs more to fix it later.
  442. It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. — Albert Einstein
  443. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  444. It is a cursed evil to any man to become as absorbed in any subject as I am in mine. — Charles Darwin
  445. It is better to be alone than in bad company. — George Washington
  446. It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. — Oscar Wilde
  447. It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
  448. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
  449. It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself. — Eleanor Roosevelt
  450. It is not titles that honor men, but men that honor titles. — Niccolo Machiavelli
  451. It is only the dead who have seen the end of war. — Plato
  452. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  453. It’s better to be a well-known drunk than to be an anonymous alcoholic.
  454. It’s better to be wanted for murder than not to be wanted at all.
  455. It’s like deja vu all over again. — Yogi Berra
  456. It’s not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what’s required. — Winston Churchill
  457. It’s not reality that’s important, but how you perceive things.
  458. It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. — Woody Allen
  459. It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it. — Lou Holtz
  460. It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you look when you play the game.
  461. It’s one thing to give advice, it’s another to take it.
  462. It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
  463. It’s the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.
  464. I’m not mentally ill, I just have a problem with reality.
  465. Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.
  466. Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are. — Benjamin Franklin
  467. Knowing what’s right doesn’t mean much unless you do what’s right. — Theodore Roosevelt
  468. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  469. Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. — Jimi Hendrix
  470. Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
  471. Lead me not into temptation. I can find the way myself.
  472. Learn from my parent’s mistake. Don’t have kids!
  473. Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control.
  474. Learning from your mistakes is smart, learning from the mistakes of others is wise.
  475. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  476. Leisure is being allowed to do nothing. — G.K. Chesterton
  477. Let’s play carpenter, first we get hammered, then I nail you.
  478. Life exists for no known purpose.
  479. Life is a sexually transmitted disease — R. D. Laing
  480. Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.
  481. Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. — John Wayne
  482. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome. — Isaac Asimov
  483. Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans. — John Lennon
  484. Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. — George Bernard Shaw
  485. Life’s a *****, and then you’re reincarnated.
  486. Life’s a bleach and then you dye.
  487. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  488. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  489. Linux is only free if your time is worthless.
  490. Linux: because rebooting is for adding new hardware.
  491. Listen if you want to be heard. — John Wooden
  492. Live simply so other may simply live. — Mother Teresa
  493. Living healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die.
  494. Logic is in the eye of the logician.
  495. Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. — Lord Dunsany
  496. Look to the future, because that is where you’ll spend the rest of your life. — George Burns
  497. Love is a serious mental disease. — Plato
  498. Love is atemporary insanity curable by marriage.
  499. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  500. Love the life you live. Live the life you love. — Bob Marley
  501. Lunix… Because i’m better than you.
  502. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  503. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
  504. Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
  505. Marriage is grand; divorce, a hundred grand.
  506. Marriage. An expensive way of getting your laundry done for free.
  507. Married men live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to die.
  508. Matrimony isn’t a word, it’s a sentence.
  509. Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
  510. Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds. — Franklin D. Roosevelt
  511. Men have two emotions: Hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
  512. Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction. — Blaise Pascal
  513. Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. ‘No’ is the answer. — Erik Naggum
  514. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. — Groucho Marx
  515. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
  516. Monday is the root of all evil.
  517. Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
  518. Money should be utilized as a tool. You just gotta know which nuts to screw.
  519. Most of us have for more courage than we ever dreamed possible. — Dale Carnegie
  520. Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
  521. Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable than risk being happy. — Robert Anthony
  522. Mother told me to be good, but she’s been wrong before.
  523. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. — Woody Allen
  524. My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world. — George Bernhard Shaw
  525. Name of the greatest inventor. Accident. — Mark Twain
  526. Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with experience.
  527. Never buy a car you can’t push.
  528. Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
  529. Never eat yellow snow.
  530. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
  531. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
  532. Never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake.
  533. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. — Isaac Asimov
  534. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. — Mark Twain
  535. Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
  536. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  537. Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
  538. Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
  539. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  540. Never was anything great achieved without danger. — Niccolo Machiavelli
  541. Never waste a lie when the truth will do. — Jack Clancy
  542. Never, ever make absolute, unconditional statements.
  543. No good deed goes unpunished.
  544. No leader can be too far ahead of his followers. — Eleanor Roosevelt
  545. No life is totally wasted, one can always be a bad example.
  546. No matter how old you are, there’s always something good to look forward to. — Lynn Johnston
  547. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. — Eleanor Roosevelt
  548. No one dies a virgin, life screws them all.
  549. No-one suspects the butterfly!
  550. Nobody notices what i do, until i don’t do it.
  551. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  552. Not all men are fools… Some are bachelors.
  553. Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
  554. Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. — Henry Ford
  555. Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
  556. Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.
  557. Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most. — Ozzy Osbourne
  558. Of course there’s no reason for it, it’s just our policy.
  559. Old age is nothing to worry about, except if you’re a cheese.
  560. Old ideas got that way because they proved useful.
  561. Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
  562. Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s hard to get it back in.
  563. Once you become predictable, no one’s interested anymore. — Chet Atkins
  564. One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. — Bob Marley
  565. One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
  566. Only dead fish go with the flow.
  567. Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. — Pablo Picasso
  568. Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
  569. Only users lose drugs.
  570. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. — Dalai Lama
  571. Opportunities multiply as they are seized. — Sun Tzu
  572. Optimist: Someone without much experience.
  573. Our true nationality is mankind. — H.G. Wells
  574. Patience has its limits – take it too far and its cowardice. — George Jackson
  575. Peace cannot be kept by force, it can only be achieved by understanding. — Albert Einstein
  576. People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.
  577. People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it. — George Bernhard Shaw
  578. People will believe any lie, either because they want it to be true or they are afraid it’s true.
  579. Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it. — Richard Feynman
  580. Politics have no relation to morals. — Niccolo Machiavelli
  581. Pretend to spank me – I’m a pseudo-masochist!
  582. Price is what you pay. Value is what you get. — Warren Buffett
  583. Programmers never die. They just become legacy. — epsilona01
  584. Programming is like sex: one mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime. — Michael Sinz
  585. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  586. Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. — Evelyn Waugh
  587. Quando omni flunkus moritati – when all else fails, play dead.
  588. Quitting is leading, too. — Nelson Mandela
  589. Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
  590. Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. — Joseph Addison
  591. Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn’t want to live there.
  592. Reality is for people who can’t handle drugs.
  593. Rehab is for quitters.
  594. Religion cannot be without morality, but morality may arrive without religion.
  595. Religion is the Opium for the masses. — Karl Marx
  596. Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck. — Joss Whedon
  597. Resistance isn’t futile, it’s voltage divided by amperage.
  598. Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF, all of my base are belong to you.
  599. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
  600. Save water – take a bath with your neighbor’s daughter.
  601. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
  602. Send lawyers, guns and money!
  603. Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
  604. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
  605. Sex on tv can’t hurt unless you fall off.
  606. Sleep: a completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.
  607. Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  608. Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
  609. Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. — Fletcher Knebel
  610. So the best way to be happy, is to make the other person happy. — Dalai Lama
  611. Software isn’t released, it’s allowed to escape.
  612. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. — Oscar Wilde
  613. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
  614. Some people feel the rain. Other just get wet. — Bob Marley
  615. Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same.
  616. Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
  617. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
  618. Spelling is a lossed art.
  619. Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
  620. Study without desire spoils memory. and it retains nothing that it takes in. — Leonardo da Vinci
  621. Stupidity, if left untreated, is self-correcting. — Heinlein
  622. Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn. — Orson Welles
  623. Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose. — Bill Gates
  624. Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. — Abraham Lincoln
  625. Support your local Search and Rescue unit. Get lost.
  626. Sure, when… – oink flap oink flap – well I’ll be darned!
  627. Systems aren’t made from metaphors, paradigms and methodologies. They’re made from code, wires and hardware.
  628. Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
  629. Take it easy, and if you get it easy take it twice.
  630. Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together! — W. C. Fields
  631. Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
  632. Teamwork is essential – it allows you to blame someone else.
  633. The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
  634. The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected. — Cousin Woodman
  635. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
  636. The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. — Sandy Cooley
  637. The best things in life aren’t things.
  638. The best way to keep one’s word is not to give it. — Napoleon Bonaparte
  639. The chance of a piece of bread falling the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  640. The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before. — Bill Gates
  641. The cure for boredom in curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. — Dorothy Parker
  642. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. — Albert Einstein
  643. The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
  644. The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
  645. The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.
  646. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  647. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. — Joan Rivers
  648. The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. — Maya Angelou
  649. The future will be better tomorrow.
  650. The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering. — Bruce Lee
  651. The Killer Ducks are coming!
  652. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
  653. The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters. — Friedrich Nietzsche
  654. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  655. The major cause of auto wrecks is a screw loose in the nut behind the wheel.
  656. The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.
  657. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. — Robert Bloch
  658. The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
  659. The mind is everything. What you think you become. — Buddha
  660. The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’, but ‘That’s funny…’ — Isaac Asimov
  661. The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie. — Ann Landers
  662. The only certain thing in life is death.
  663. The only job you start at the top is digging a hole.
  664. The only real mistake is the one from where we learn nothing. — Henry Ford
  665. The only really decent thing to do behind a person’s back is pat it.
  666. The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory. — Paul Fix
  667. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. — Edmund Burke
  668. The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
  669. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
  670. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. — James Branch Cabell
  671. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. — Mary Pickford
  672. The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
  673. The problem with the future is it turns into the present.
  674. The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. — Oscar Wilde
  675. The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls. — Pablo Picasso
  676. The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run. — Theodore Roosevelt
  677. The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
  678. The revolution will not be televised.
  679. The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
  680. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
  681. The shifts of fortune test the reliability of friends. — Cicero
  682. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  683. The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
  684. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
  685. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
  686. The Stock Market always does what you think it will, but rarely when.
  687. The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
  688. The time is always right to do the right thing. — Martin Luther King
  689. The tongue is like a sharp knife… Kills without drawing blood. — Buddha
  690. The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
  691. The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching. — John Wooden
  692. The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
  693. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  694. The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
  695. There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary and those who don’t.
  696. There are books of which the backs and coves are by far the bast parts. — Charles Dickens
  697. There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still. — Franklin D. Roosevelt
  698. There are no eternal facts, as there are no absolute truths. — Friedrich Nietzsche
  699. There are no facts, only interpretations. — Friedrich Nietzsche
  700. There are no short cuts to any place worth going.
  701. There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. — Zig Ziglar
  702. There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
  703. There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and real estate listings.
  704. There are three types of people – those who can count and those who can’t.
  705. There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence. — Jeremy S. Anderson
  706. There are two types of people – those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
  707. There is no path to happiness, happiness is the path. — Buddha
  708. There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.
  709. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
  710. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. — Bill Hicks
  711. There is no time like the pleasant.
  712. There is nothing better than a friend, unless there is a friend with chocolate. — Charles Dickens
  713. There is wisdom of the head and there is wisdom of the heart. — Charles Dickens
  714. There was never a bad peace or a good war. — Benjamin Franklin
  715. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
  716. There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
  717. There’s no device known to mankind that will prevent people from being idiots. — Mark Rasch
  718. There’s nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly. — R. Buckminster Fuller
  719. There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
  720. They call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.
  721. They call our language mother tongue, because the father seldom gets to speak.
  722. They’re only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
  723. Think much, Speak little, Write less.
  724. Think things through before you’re through thinking.
  725. This sentence contradicts itself — no actually it doesn’t.
  726. This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
  727. This will be a memorable month — no matter how hard you try to forget.
  728. Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. — Isaac Asimov
  729. Those who can not change their minds can not change anything. — George Bernhard Shaw
  730. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. — George Carlin
  731. Those who know, do. Those who understand, teach. — Aristotle
  732. Those who vote decide nothing. Those who count the vote decide everything. — Joseph Stalin
  733. Thought is free. — William Shakespeare
  734. Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. — Benjamin Franklin
  735. Time flies like a bullet. Fruit flies like a banana.
  736. Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. — John Lennon
  737. To be is to do – Socrates, To do is to be – Sartre, Do be do be do – Sinatra
  738. To copy others are necessary, but to copy oneself is pathetic. — Pablo Picasso
  739. To do great things is difficult, but to command great things is more difficult. — Friedrich Nietzsche
  740. To err is human, to arr is pirate.
  741. To err is human, to forgive highly unlikely.
  742. To err is human, to really screw up requires the root password.
  743. To err is hunam.
  744. To generalize is to be an idiot.
  745. To lead the people, walk behind them. — Lao Tzu
  746. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. — Oscar Wilde
  747. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  748. To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the loyal opposition. — Woody Allen
  749. Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
  750. Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
  751. Today’s children would be less spoiled if we could spank grandparents!
  752. Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
  753. Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
  754. Too much of a good thing is wonderful. — Mae West
  755. Too much of everything is just enough.
  756. Tracers work both ways.
  757. Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t going away. — Elvis Presley
  758. Trying is failing with honors.
  759. Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying. — Arthur C. Clarke
  760. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
  761. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three will get you back on the freeway.
  762. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
  763. Unix is user friendly – it’s just picky about its friends.
  764. Unsatisfied desire is in itself more desirable than any other satisfaction. — C. S. Lewis
  765. Veni, vedi, visa. I came. I saw. I did a little shopping.
  766. Veni, Vidi, Velcro – I came, I saw, I stuck around.
  767. Vidi, vici, veni. I saw, I conquered, I came.
  768. Viewer discretion may be advised, but it’s never really expected.
  769. Vision without execution is just hallucination. — Henry Ford
  770. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are. — Kurt Cobain
  771. War does not determine who is right – only who is left. — George Bernard Shaw
  772. Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
  773. Wasting time is an important part of living.
  774. We all can’t be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.
  775. We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are. — Anais Nin
  776. We found Jesus – he was behind the sofa all along.
  777. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
  778. We must live together as brothers or perish together as fools. — Martin Luther King
  779. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  780. Welcome to Hell. Here’s your copy of Windows ME.
  781. Welcome what you can’t avoid.
  782. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  783. What has been seen cannot be unseen.
  784. What one has to do usually can be done. — Eleanor Roosevelt
  785. What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
  786. What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.
  787. Whatever happens, ignore it all.
  788. When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets another one. — Friedrich Nietzsche
  789. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
  790. When all else fails, admit i’m right and kiss my ***.
  791. When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
  792. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  793. When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me.
  794. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car. — Jack Handey
  795. When I was young I was told that anyone could be president. Now I’m beginning to believe it.
  796. When in doubt empty the magazine.
  797. When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess.
  798. When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
  799. When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it. — Sigmund Freud
  800. When it’s dark enough you can see the stars.
  801. When someone points skyward, it’s the fool that looks at the finger.
  802. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  803. When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. — Socrates
  804. When the pin is pulled, Mr. grenade is not our friend.
  805. When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage?
  806. When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  807. When you don’t know what you are doing, do it neatly.
  808. When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
  809. When you’re at the end of your rope, tie a know and hold on. — Theodore Roosevelt
  810. Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I’m not beating her.
  811. Whether you think you can, or think you can’t — you’re right. — Henry Ford
  812. Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
  813. While having never invented a sin, I’m trying to perfect several.
  814. Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom?
  815. Whoever controls the media controls the mind. — Jim Morrison
  816. Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
  817. Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free.
  818. Why do they use sterile needles for lethal injections?
  819. Why do we kill people to show people that killing people is wrong?
  820. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
  821. Winners and losers aren’t born, they are the products of how they think. — Lou Holtz
  822. Wise people think all they say; fools say all they think.
  823. With a rubber duck, you’re never alone.
  824. With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
  825. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
  826. Work harder: millions on welfare depend on you.
  827. Work is the curse of the drinking class.
  828. Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.
  829. Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
  830. Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.
  831. XML is like violence. If it doesn’t solve your problem, you’re not using enough of it.
  832. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, and I’m going to be happy in it. — Groucho Marx
  833. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift; that’s why they call it the present. — Eleanor Roosevelt
  834. You always admire what you really don’t understand. — Eleanor Roosevelt
  835. You are only truly in control of your life when you accept you are not.
  836. You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
  837. You can observe a lot just by watching.
  838. You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. — Mae West
  839. You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
  840. You cannot lead a battle if you think you look silly on a horse. — Napoleon Bonaparte
  841. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  842. You don’t have to explain something you never said.
  843. You don’t learn anything the second time a mule kicks you.
  844. You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life. — Winston Churchill
  845. You laugh at me because I’m different. I laugh at you because you’re all the same. — Jonathan Davis
  846. You may delay, but Time will not. — Benjamin Franklin
  847. You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. — Margaret Thatcher
  848. You never achieve success unless you like what you are doing. — Dale Carnegie
  849. You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
  850. You’re driving a car. It isn’t a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant.
  851. You’re just jealous because the little voices only talk to me.
  852. You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
  853. You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
  854. Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning. — Bill Gates
  855. Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.

Just doing my part to propagate humor!!!

[H]

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Not true!!! From about 0700 in the mornin' (news, hurricane weather research, check the ole' Forum, etc) and by about 1030 or 1100, I'm outa' there!!!

And then it's strange workin's and experiments, and other arcane stuff in the Wall of Voodoo!!

In fact, I'm running late today!!! I'm headed to the pool, work on my trees and bushes, reflect upon a wasted youth, and consider how I want to make that homemade spaghetti for this evening's repast'

[H]

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Not true!!! From about 0700 in the mornin' (news, hurricane weather research, check the ole' Forum, etc) and by about 1030 or 1100, I'm outa' there!!!

And then it's strange workin's and experiments, and other arcane stuff in the Wall of Voodoo!!

In fact, I'm running late today!!! I'm headed to the pool, work on my trees and bushes, reflect upon a wasted youth, and consider how I want to make that homemade spaghetti for this evening's repast'

Cool

lol, nice

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  • Moderators

Geez! After all that and you forget a couple:

A couple, [:$] I started reading without looking to see how long it was. I kept thinking That's funny I need to remember that. Well that's not going to happen I have 800 parts mixed up so much I can't remember 1 by itself.

This whole thing is funny. [8-|]

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