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31 minutes ago, oldtimer said:
2 hours ago, Jeff Matthews said:

No!!!!!!  Don't bait him.  He's been in agony lately, speaking in riddles about verboten subjects.  That's just Oldie suffering forum burn-out. 😁

Consider the source from one who posts hippo sharts. (and a lawyer)...

At least you won't hear me talking about _______.  You know I'd never talk about ______.  If you think ______ is a fool, you didn't hear it from me.  I'd never mention ______ on this forum in a million years.

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LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK.  enjoy.

 

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her t|+$ are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

 
 
 
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Mrs. Johnson goes to a brand-new gynecologist. He examines her.
He says, "My God, Mrs. Johnson, that is the hugest ****** I have ever, ever seen."
When she gets home, she decides to have a look for herself. She takes down a huge mirror off the wall, puts it on the floor, takes off all of her clothes, and stands on the mirror. She's just about to look down when her husband walks in early from work.
He says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "Ummm...I'm just exercising."
He says, "Well, be careful not to fall in that big @ss hole in the floor."

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2 hunters shoot a deer. As they are celebrating the kill clouds gather, then part and and angel comes down from heaven and scolds the 2 men for needlessly killing one of God’s innocent creatures. The 2 men heave their guns as far as they could, drop to their knees and beg for mercy, the angel assents and vanishes. Amazed and awestruck the 2 head  back to camp. Along the way they see a bear and the bear gives chase. It wasn’t long before they knew the bear was winning so they stopped dropped to their knees once again and prayed, “Lord make this bear a Christian”. At that moment the bear stopped and stood erect, it’s paws reverently reaching for heaven and the bear said, “Lord thank you for this meal I am about to eat”.

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A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person.”

The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

“You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you?” the widow asked: “Just look at you — you have no legs!”

The old gent smiled: “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”

“You don’t have any arms either!” she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled: “Therefore, I can never beat you!”

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: “Are you still good in bed?”

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

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