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This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth, eyes welling with tears.

"I think you're bad luck..."

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5 hours ago, Weber said:

The Department of the Navy is now assigning females to submarines...

Addressing boat sailors at Groton, SUBLANT advised, "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50.* Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $100.* Are there any questions?" 

Just then, a crusty Master Chief stood up and inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

 

Kind of hard to read this one...

 

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The Department of the Navy is now assigning females to submarines...

Addressing boat sailors at Groton, SUBLANT advised, "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50.* Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $100.* Are there any questions?" 

Just then, a crusty Master Chief stood up and inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

 

Better.

 

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I usually lurk, rarely post , but on seeing a divorce joke I just had to....

 

Why is divorce so expensive?

                                Because it's worth it.

 

A man rushing into the courthouse stops and asks an officer "where's divorce court?"  He immediately replied "next to heaven." 

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The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Bear." Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right. They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle. He was right again. Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind,and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this blackeye?" His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe."

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On 12/9/2016 at 6:37 PM, oldtimer said:

 

I see your former East Block internet troll and raise you this Aussie who over drafted his bank account in millions and blew it on booze and strippers:

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/12/12/unemployed-man-spent-21million-cars-strippers-parties-following/

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