TasDom Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 1 hour ago, dtel said: My kind of girl. I think I dated her cousin (no lobsters, just crabs) 1 4 Quote
geoff. Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 17 minutes ago, babadono said: Flammable, inflammable...don't get me started. ...irregardless... 4 Quote
twistedcrankcammer Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 56 minutes ago, TasDom said: I think I dated her cousin (no lobsters, just crabs) No breasts either! 1 1 Quote
Islander Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 Crabs (body lice) are now an endangered species. Reason? Loss of habitat, in the form of clear cut deforestation. I read it on the Internet, so it must be true. 2 5 Quote
Islander Posted October 26, 2020 Posted October 26, 2020 Just so you know I wasn't making it up, here's a picture of the Shitmobile. It's a 1975 Chrysler New Yorker that looked better at the start of the series. Ricky even lived in it for a while. I think the door came off some time after that. 1 Quote
OO1 Posted October 26, 2020 Posted October 26, 2020 A joke from @garyrc Here's an audiophile joke, best told with hand gestures: Paul Klipsch spies Amar Bose across a street. Klipsch puts his hands up to his mouth to form a horn and yells, "Hello, Amar!" Amar hears and sees him, turns his back to Paul, puts his open hands together about 6" away and slightly offset from his mouth, and yells, "Hello, Paul!" 2 Quote
Islander Posted October 26, 2020 Posted October 26, 2020 On 10/23/2020 at 4:56 PM, Dave1290 said: 1 1 Quote
Dave1290 Posted October 27, 2020 Posted October 27, 2020 What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked... 12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a ***** in front of your older brother's friends. It's suppose to be lemon flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything lemon in their life. You are already regretting this decision. 12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life. 12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted poop in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser. Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours. 12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1... 12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The poop/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down. Is that blood? False alarm. That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench what's left of your ******* to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid crap fart as it gurgled out of your ***. 1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have shit out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your ******* now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it. You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats. You meet Jesus. 8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours. You're broken. Your *******'s broken. Your spirit's broken. Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a shit stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it. Unknown 2 1 Quote
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