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The grocer at a farmer's market stands 5'8", has a 44" chest and wears size 11 shoes. Believe it or not this is enough information to know what he weighs.




















He weighs fruits and vegetables.

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Please take this as a joke from a wonderful story teller, not as political.  B)

 

 

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Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

 

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife, Ann, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

 

He then addressed the men.  "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"  Frank leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered, "Gold Medal All-Purpose, isn’t it?"

 

And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.

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Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam.

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Today, my boyfriend told me he'd drive me to the jeweler's to pick out a ring. We drove there, I picked the ring, and the sales person rang it up. I glanced at my boyfriend, only for him to reply, "Well don't look at me!"

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Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me.

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"I would like to thank all of you in the audience for coming to see me. And all of my children for making it necessary."

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Oldtimer and I


I was seated next to Oldtimer on a flight from Green Bay .
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

I asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and
placed before me.

The flight attendant then asked Oldtimer if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores
than let liquor touch my lips."

I then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

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On 4/16/2017 at 5:57 AM, Woofers and Tweeters said:

 

I found my roommate hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

 

I had this once really happen.  It was in the bathroom.

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This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.” The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?” The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed. ”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.” The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly. Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head. ”How did it go?” the doctor asked. ”Terrible, doctor, terrible.” ”Did it not work?” ”Yes,” the old lady said, ”It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.” ”Then what is the problem, ma’am?” ”Well,” she said. ”I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.

Vote: JokImage result for sex joke of the daye has 87.42 % from 2031 votes. Send joke:

 

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No president could tell a joke like Ronald Reagan.

 

 

 

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Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are in a plane that goes down with one life vest.  Who wins, neither get to the life preserver in time.  The American people win!

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1 hour ago, derrickdj1 said:

Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are in a plane that goes down with one life vest.  Who wins, neither get to the life preserver in time.  The American people win!

So, how many other politicians can we put in this plane?

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