oldtimer Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 It was being abused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 “Wow you look great! Did you lose weight?”“Hey – did you just call me fat in retrospect?!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USNRET Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimjimbo Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 Florida State....oh, wait, wrong thread..... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogwylde09 Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked. Now that's funnySent from my SM-N900V using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean. The attorney said, “I’m here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.” "That’s quite a coincidence," said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything.” The puzzled attorney asked, “How do you start a flood?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Squirrel Problem *The Presbyterian Church* called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel problem. After much prayer and consideration, they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. *At the Baptist Church* the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. *The Episcopal Church* decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church . Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide. *But the Catholic Church* came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter. Not much was heard from *the Jewish Synagogue ;* but it's rumored that they took one squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel on their property since. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 It's warm, and a little muggy tonight so the roof is closed in Houston for the football game. What? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teknoid Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Stolen from another forum that I frequent... There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.We've heard colleagues referring to people with Guts, or with Balls.Do they, however, know the difference between them?Here's the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer,lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: "You're next, Chubby"I trust this clears up any confusion.Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome; both are fatal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
derrickdj1 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Who's the best dancer at the Halloween Bash? The boogie man! What do you do when 50 zombies are at your door? Pray it's Halloween. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 1 minute ago, Weber said: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? Sand witch? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 1 minute ago, CECAA850 said: Sand witch? You win, help yourself to some candy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Why did the skeleton go disco dancing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 What kind of chewing gum do ghosts chew? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 19 minutes ago, Weber said: What kind of chewing gum do ghosts chew? If you say booble gum I'm gonna come through this monitor and smack you silly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USNRET Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Speaking of bubble gum....what goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and gooey? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 1 hour ago, CECAA850 said: If you say booble gum I'm gonna come through this monitor and smack you silly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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