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mr clean

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On 2/12/2020 at 1:58 PM, babadono said:

Took 10 mf'ing years to get my WIFE's (that is WIFE not 3rd cousin twice removed) US citizenship. Not a funny story but definitely crazy, know what I mean?

"I'm from the government and I'm here to help you"

 

 

Took my best friend just over one year, but he is a big donor and had two Senators signatures on her application. She is from the Ukraine.

 

Roger

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A little lengthy but so what. I grew up in west Los Angeles where my uncle had a newspaper dealership. For many, many years myself, my brother and my cousins provided support labor for my uncles business. It was heavy labor and always involved overnight work on Saturday for the huge Sunday edition. Most of those years we worked from a service bay garage located behind a Phillips 66 gas station. One year our great uncle died. He owned a slew of homes in the area that he used as rentals. Well he rented the houses and kept their garages for himself. Like many from his ‘depression’ generation he was a hoarder. Well upon his demise the same group of cousins, etc got tapped to clear out these many garages. Among the tons of junk stuff we found a very large horn thingy. After some ‘digging’ we figured out that it was an air raid siren.........and it was driven by compressed air.

 

So the garage service bay where we worked on the papers............. well it also held the air compressor for all of the service stations systems. That industrial air compressor had an emergency release valve. Curious lads that we were we thought it ‘adventurous’ to hook up our newly found air raid siren to this air compressor. We always had a break in the workload around 1 A.M. Yup......... we lugged that massive horn inside this metal garage and hooked it to the compressor over pressure relief valve.......... and we fired her up. HOLY CRAP...........      The relief valve was an open or shut deal and once opened that horn was full tilt screaming. Because of the enclosed space we could not get near enough to stop this........ it was way, way........waaaaaayyyyyyyy loud. We had every police car in the region come screeching to our locale. After what seemed like forever the air compressor lost enough ooomph that one of the cops could enter and he cut the supply line. The cops actually thought is was pretty funny. We’d broken no laws and we did not damage anything. They did take the horn. Just as well. There’s no doubt that we’d have used it again, somewhere. Ah the antics of youthful zeal.

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This really isn't that crazy of a story, but I get teased about it at family functions.  In the town that we lived in NoCal, there was this hamburger joint. Apparently, we were driving by it and I asked my Mom if we could stop and get a hamburger. I guess she didn't have any money and was trying to convey to me the fact that you need money to buy burgers so she said, "with what?" I said, "With Mustard."

Secondly, I'm at a family function and we're sitting around this huge table ... at least a dozen of us. People start telling jokes and of course, I don't want to be left out so I'm not paying attention and I'm wracking my brain for any jokes that I've heard recently. I finally remember one, so when there's a break in the action, I proclaim, "I've got one." I proceed to tell this mildly amusing joke and nobody laughs. They all look at me with these blank stares. then my Aunt tells me, "I just told that same joke."

My family thinks I'm stupid. 

 

 

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Not a crazy story but a somewhat embarrassing story . 

Just a few days ago I found out what news stood for . I shared this with my co-workers today and none of them , all with college degrees knew either .

NEWS - notable events , weather and sports . In case there's some other dummies like me here . 🤪

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8 hours ago, sunburnwilly said:

Not a crazy story but a somewhat embarrassing story . 

Just a few days ago I found out what news stood for . I shared this with my co-workers today and none of them , all with college degrees knew either .

NEWS - notable events , weather and sports . In case there's some other dummies like me here . 🤪

I always thought it was North, East, West and South.  Yours makes more sense though.

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You had no idea because that is simply making up an acronym well after the fact of the word.

 

The English word "news" developed in the 14th century as a special use of the plural form of "new". In Middle English, the equivalent word was newes, like the French nouvelles and the German Neues. Similar developments are found in the Slavic languages the Czech and Slovak noviny (from nový, "new"), the cognate Polish nowiny, the Bulgarian novini, and Russian novosti – and in the Celtic languages: the Welsh newyddion (from newydd) and the Cornish nowodhow (from nowydh).

 

https://www.etymonline.com/word/news

 

 

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I was in the local Kmart when I was 21 or so, looking to buy some doe in heat and fox urine for deer hunting. Tinks is a brand and they sold both in a box together for a lower price. I was reading the box, and the end came unfastened. You know what happened next. Both bottles broke! I saw a woman I knew a few isles away that worked there, and told her what happened. Her not really knowing what the product was told me she would clean it up. I walked to the back of the store to get another item, and then walked pass the isle where the bottles broke on the way to the front of the store. It was so funny the ladies working there holding their noses and pouring every thing they could on it to kill the smell. Janitor in a drum is one I remember seeing. By the time I was checking out the whole store stunk of doe and fox piss!. I was laughing so hard that I was crying by the time, I made it to my car . The woman named Mrs Bayrd saw me at the store I worked for at the time, about a week later, and told me that it was a lot bigger deal than she would have imagined it would be when I told her about it, but thought it was funny after the fact.   

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20 hours ago, BigStewMan said:

This really isn't that crazy of a story, but I get teased about it at family functions.  In the town that we lived in NoCal, there was this hamburger joint. Apparently, we were driving by it and I asked my Mom if we could stop and get a hamburger. I guess she didn't have any money and was trying to convey to me the fact that you need money to buy burgers so she said, "with what?" I said, "With Mustard."

Secondly, I'm at a family function and we're sitting around this huge table ... at least a dozen of us. People start telling jokes and of course, I don't want to be left out so I'm not paying attention and I'm wracking my brain for any jokes that I've heard recently. I finally remember one, so when there's a break in the action, I proclaim, "I've got one." I proceed to tell this mildly amusing joke and nobody laughs. They all look at me with these blank stares. then my Aunt tells me, "I just told that same joke."

My family thinks I'm stupid. 

 

 

 

Quick one liners with family. 

 

I remember at a big event (birthday or something like that) I was hugging my mother and told her "I love you...you have been like a mother to me." 

 

Her response, "I am your mother you jerk!"

 

 

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About 35 years ago ( a guess) I did insurance work, the company had what they called club. It was just a trip somewhere for a week if you had enough sales, this trip was to Washington DC. Well I was there with hundreds of others, my wife and a bunch of friends I worked with. Late one night a friend came to our room and asked if I wanted to take a walk and try to find him some cigarettes. He didn't want to go alone since everyone was drinking earlier and it was when DC had one of the highest murder rates.

So like dummies he and I start walking stopping in a couple clubs but mostly just walking the streets since no one was in sight. We stop about 30 minutes later and sat on the steps of a building to take a break and smoke a joint. Later we just walked a little and ended up going back to the hotel to sleep, we had a tour to go on in the morning. 

The next morning we go eat and get on the tour bus to go on the first part of the tour, as we get off the bus we both panicked thinking about last night and what we did on the same steps the tour bus stopped at, we were touring the FBI building.

The building has a distinct shape, it's not mistakable, we ended up going on the tour with no problems of course except for nerves. We had no idea the night before. 

fbi.jpg

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17 hours ago, tigerwoodKhorns said:

Quick one liners with family. 

my family is good with one-liners too.

When my Mom was in the hospital and unconscious the entire previous day, all five of us kids were at her bedside. When she finally came to, I leaned forward and asked, "Do you remember anything about yesterday?"

She said, "No."

I said, "Well, I helped you more than anyone."

 

Another time, I was telling her about a friend whose father had died a few months before. My Mom, meaning to ask about my friend, simply said, "How's he doing?"

I said, "oh, he's still dead."

 

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TDY to Ewa Beach.


A bar across the way from crash pad we would frequent quite a bit.


Myself and a couple friends from, TDY party, went to this bar.

We were sitting at the bar and there were booths to our right.


A couple, "two guys" at one of the booths kept staring in our direction.
I had enough in me to ask simply, "what TF are you looking at?"


Reply.... "Just admiring the way you look"


Umm... we left....


About 2am sirens blaring over at the bar.
Went that day to the bar after work. Asked the BT what had happened.
One of the dudes in that booth shot the other dude in the head.

 

Edit to add picture, this is what we were installing

 

 

B.jpg

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On 2/12/2020 at 6:17 PM, BigStewMan said:

I left the office one day, got into my truck and started driving off. Got to the far end of the parking lot and saw a truck identical to mine. As I DROVE past it, I got panicked for a moment because I didn't remember parking there.  "why is my truck parked way over here?"

Gosh, did I feel stupid. 

Then I spent a while fearing that amp was dead. I checked the volume controls on the amp and the guitar several times. I checked and made sure the cord was plugged into the amp. Still nothing. Was upset that my amp was dead ... then realized that while I'd plugged one end of the cord into the amp, I never plugged the other end into the guitar.  Once  I did that, it worked fine. Think I should open a repair shop?

 

This cracked me up...☺️

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26 minutes ago, MyOwn said:

TDY to Ewa Beach.


A bar across the way from crash pad we would frequent quite a bit.


Myself and a couple friends from, TDY party, went to this bar.

We were sitting at the bar and there were booths to our right.


A couple, "two guys" at one of the booths kept staring in our direction.
I had enough in me to ask simply, "what TF are you looking at?"


Reply.... "Just admiring the way you look"


Umm... we left....


About 2am sirens blaring over at the bar.
Went that day to the bar after work. Asked the BT what had happened.
One of the dudes in that booth shot the other dude in the head.

Hate these kinds of experiences. They stay with you and remind you of the perils in life. Once lived in a gate guarded condo complex. Took the dog for a walk outside the complex and a stranger asked me if I knew some girl. I didn’t and we parted ways. Later that night he shot and killed her. He got off with some manslaughter conviction as I recall.

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Where do I begin? This is a true story about a crazy adventure where I found myself in a bad predicament on a very long isolated section of the Coosa River in South Alabama about 35 years ago. I was 21 at the time. Two of us had set out to do some fishing one morning before my buddy (Scott) had to report for work at 1pm that day.  We headed to the river before dawn that morning. Stopping at Winn Dixie, we got BBQ corn chips and diet cokes for the trip because those items were on sale as a buy one get one free. That was all we had to eat or drink. 

 

Putting in at Pop's Landing, we set out to catch some bass. We went about 17 miles down river with the current in a boat friends lovingly called the "apparatus". It was an old 14' aluminum boat with a 40hp Evinrude outboard. Unfortunately it was a cobbled together thing the two of us created where the person in the front operated the throttle while the person in the back did the steering. So it took two people to even operate it. We were a long way from any houses in a very remote area of the river (think the movie Deliverance) when we discovered the outboard would not crank! We worked and worked on it until about noon when Scott declared that he had to get back for work. We looked at a map and he struck out through the woods for a road about 2 miles away through a dense forest. He agreed that he would come back for me at the original boat launch after he got off work at 10pm that night. That would be putting him back at the launch at 11pm or so.  It was my job to somehow get back there over the course of the next 11 hours. We had already been in the small boat 5 hours. I had a trolling motor and two hot batteries and that was it. 

 

I worked against the current with that trolling motor all day. I stayed close to the bank as much as possible to conserve battery power. I ate corn chips and drank diet coke. It was really hot in a beat down sun with no clouds. Longest fishing trip of my life. All alone,  I stayed after it all day. It was slow going, so I fished as I went and even caught 18 bass as I made my way. :) It was tough though not knowing whether I had enough battery power to even get back. At 11:15 that night I finally made it back to the boat launch and my buddy Scott was waiting for me with a Burger King Whopper, fries, and a drink. I had a terrible sun burn and still to this day can't hardly stand to eat bbq corn chips. I guess I got my fill of those that day.   

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