Corona Virus Disease/(SARS-CoV-2) II

[Woofers and Tweeters]

8 minutes ago, dwilawyer said:

If you find yourself down in NOLA stop in here:

Thanks. If I do, it will be to learn more. I don't like the flavor of it. The ritual to make the drink ready is, IMHO, just that, a ritual. It was something to make and drink, just because of it's history. 

 

What I do like better is charring oak to put in real moonshine or vodka. Yes, real moonshine that if I get caught with it, I would have to call you to help me out. 

 

[Jeff Matthews]

The grocery store was virtually out of fresh vegetables.  There was plenty of fruit.  How interesting.  I didn't expect a vegetable shortage.  I wonder how much disruption there will be in agriculture and getting products to stores.

[Woofers and Tweeters]

4 minutes ago, Jeff Matthews said:

The grocery store was virtually out of fresh vegetables.  There was plenty of fruit.  How interesting.  I didn't expect a vegetable shortage.  I wonder how much disruption there will be in agriculture and getting products to stores.

I went tot Costco the other day, it was packed, everyone was quite accommodating to one another... and they weren't giving out free samples. Local Kroger was out of burger, other red meat and chicken yesterday, due to a truck running late and everyone in a panic. They put out this morning and it was all gone in a short time. Hopefully industry will catch back up, soon. 

 

 To the ones who are hoarding needed items to gouge people, I hope they take a loss. https://www.tn.gov/attorneygeneral/news/2020/3/15/pr20-10.html?fbclid=IwAR36yCXL48megX8Rut4KeLQOttHqdUnv9O4kyydxQE337RxbtAsap7D-ZoM

 

 

[geoff.]

Funny you would mention that!

 

I know the common theme is less government, but this type of behaviour is criminal and needs legislative teeth to bite back.

[Jeff Matthews]

On 3/10/2020 at 9:47 PM, CECAA850 said:

China is a cesspool of germs.  Safety and hygiene are second thoughts.  It's the perfect storm for something like this to occur.   No i don't think the US will be affected in the same manner.

Do you feel the same way about Italy?

[Woofers and Tweeters]

14 minutes ago, geoff. said:

Funny you would mention that!

 

I know the common theme is less government, but this type of behaviour is criminal and needs legislative teeth to bite back.

I am for people making money and making all one can, in normal times. This isn't ball game tickets or Beanie Babies. 

 

For my part, I am okay if the government were to use some tax dollars and give out the cleaning supplies to help stop or slow down the spread. 

[dtel]

48 minutes ago, Woofers and Tweeters said:

Thanks. If I do, it will be to learn more. I don't like the flavor of it. The ritual to make the drink ready is, IMHO, just that, a ritual. It was something to make and drink, just because of it's history. 

 

What I do like better is charring oak to put in real moonshine or vodka. Yes, real moonshine that if I get caught with it, I would have to call you to help me out. 

 

Moonshine......never heard of it, not even in a coffee cup with some jager in it someone passed to me and said try this....If I wouldn't have been drinking I would have never tasted it. Now I know better. 

 

Tried some 170 proof and it was smooth, but I just taste it.

 

Never been inside this place, I guess one of the few I missed, come to find out a distant relative. My mom wasn't happy about that.

 

 

[tigerwoodKhorns]

37 minutes ago, Jeff Matthews said:

The grocery store was virtually out of fresh vegetables.  There was plenty of fruit.  How interesting.  I didn't expect a vegetable shortage.  I wonder how much disruption there will be in agriculture and getting products to stores.

 

You can cook vegetables.  165 degrees is the magic number.  I just made a huge pot of chili with lots of peppers, onions and tomatoes that we just bought.  Boiled it for a while. 

 

Hard to cook fruit.  We did buy a bunch of apples that we will cook in some coconut oil. 

 

The good news is that there is a non-pier reviewed study from Wednesday stating that the COVID 19 virus can only last about 72 hours on hard surfaces (not sure what fruit counts as).  If that is confirmed, fruit is on the menu again as storing for three days is easy.

 

I hope that the supply lines do not break down.  We should be fine, but we have all witness supply lines breaking down in other natural disasters in recent memory.  This should be different.

[billybob]

Can almost smell the dish cooking.

[Woofers and Tweeters]

13 minutes ago, dtel said:

Moonshine

They are all different. I have never made any, but have sampled a few. Some are nasty, to me, and others taste clean and smooth. I am not much of a drunk because I am not a heavy drinker, or it's not a part of my lineage. it does pique my interests, though.

 

I have only been to Bourbon Street once while I was in the ares to do a race. Have a few stories from the one time there lol.  

[Sancho Panza]

1 hour ago, Woofers and Tweeters said:

A common misconception is that "real absinthe" was re-legalized in the United States in 2007, but the TTB merely clarified its ruling on thujone content and allowed the word "absinthe" to appear on liquor labels in the USA again.

 

If you want real absinthe, you have to make it. You're not buying real absinthe in the bars or in the stores. For my part, after having real absinthe, is that one will die of alcohol poisoning before they get to see green fairies. 

 

 

I’m not a smuggler; I’m a FREE Trader.

 

So, naturally, I know where to buy real Absinthe, overseas.

[dtel]

1 minute ago, Woofers and Tweeters said:

They are all different. I have never made any, but have sampled a few. Some are nasty, to me, and others taste clean and smooth. I am not much of a drunk because I am not a heavy drinker, or it's not a part of my lineage. it does pique my interests, though.

 

I have only been to Bourbon Street once while I was in the ares to do a race. Have a few stories from the one time there lol.  

Never made any either, but tasted a bunch, most has been clean and very smooth, so much so it could be dangerous. Not much of a drinker myself, socially I can be but know how to control myself, not liking the other extreme.

 

Lived within an hour of the french quarter all my life, at one time 5 minutes away. 

[Sancho Panza]

Only ‘shine I ever had was a gift, pored into an empty rum bottle & forgot about it; until I smelled liquor in my cabinet.

 

It had shattered the bottle.

[Marvel]

I have a friend who makes some throughout the year. Pretty smooth stuff, but I haven't had any for a few years. I prefer single malt Scotch, but could be tempted to try some bourbon if it's not too expensive. I'm not a high roller...

[Woofers and Tweeters]

[dirtmudd]

Home » Satire » Coronavirus Toilet Paper Shortage? Here's Five Comics You Can Wipe Your *** With

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Coronavirus Toilet Paper Shortage? Here's Five Comics You Can Wipe Your *** With

Posted on March 13, 2020 | by Jude Terror | Comments

With states and major cities around the United States shut down to prevent the spread of the deadly pandemic of COVID-19 disease caused by a novel strain of coronavirus, panicky people have been raiding stores all over the country to buy up all the toilet paper, prompting photos of desolate stores with empty shelves which only serve to drive more panic-buying. In addition to bleach, hand sanitizer, soap, water, and medical supplies, one item that's selling out of stores everywhere is toilet paper, as people fear that quarantines will require them to spend more time in the bathroom at home. The end result: a country-wide toilet paper shortage, with online retailers such as Amazon, Walmart, and Target listing the product as out of stock.

But comic book collectors have a secret weapon that gives them a tactical advantage over ordinary people: they have already been hoarding mass quantities of paper in their homes, some for decades. Finally, the promise comic book speculation market is about to pay off.

To learn more about how Americans can combat the coronavirus toilet paper shortage, we spoke with a leading expert in global pandemics at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms. We asked the professor which comic books would make the best substitute for toilet paper in a crisis, and he responded, as all qualified experts do, with a listicle. Here's five comics you can wipe your *** with if your local stores are all sold out of TP.

X-Men #1 (1991)

"When Chris Claremont and Jim Lee launched a second ongoing X-Men series in 1991, it sold nearly 8.2 million copies and helped kick off the 1990s speculation boom," Professor Puffinbottoms told us. "The original X-Men #1 was worth lots of money, speculators figured, so a brand new X-Men #1 would surely explode in value in a few decades."

That didn't happen, however.

"Of course, speculators failed to realize that the reason older comics are worth so much money is scarcity," the professor explained. "Nobody knew that X-Men #1 would be worth money, so nobody bothered to try to preserve their copies. But everyone bought multiple copies of X-Men #1, which came with five different variant covers, one of them a gatefold cover that's sure to be extra-absorbent, put them in plastic bags, and stored them away.

"Of course, the 8.2 million figure was what was produced and sold to retailers, but it's estimated only around half of those were sold to actual customers. That means that not only is any comic book collector likely to have multiple copies of the comic in their own collection, but a quick trip to the comic book store could probably net a dozen more from the 25 cent bin. A supply like that could have you wiping for weeks."

Detective Comics #27 (1939)

"Featuring the first appearance of Batman, Detective Comics #27 is one of the most highly sought-after comics in the collectors market," said Puffinbottoms. "A highly-preserved copy with a CGC grade of 8.0 or higher could easily sell for a million dollars or more at auction.

"Of course, I would never advise anyone to wipe their *** with an 8.0-grade copy of Detective Comics #27. But if you have a copy with a lower grade, say a 6.4 or so, then the comic is only likely to earn, at most, $600,000. If the toilet paper shortage continues, rolls of TP will be selling for far higher than that on eBay. And besides, the value of a rare comic book assumes you can even get to an auction to sell the comic. With many states banning public gatherings of 100 people or more, most auction houses will need to remain closed throughout the crisis."

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush," Puffinbottoms continued. "But you can't wipe your *** with a bird. A comic, on the other hand… well, it doesn't matter. The point is that Detective Comics #27 makes a great substitute for toilet paper in these trying times, but any rare comic featuring the first appearance of a popular character will also do. Action Comics #1. Amazing Fantasy #15. New Mutants #98. The list goes on and on, and if you're a serious collector, you're sure to have at least one of these key issues in your collection, and that could make the difference between a squeaky-clean behind and a stench that would have people keeping their distance whether or not you're displaying symptoms of deadly coronavirus."

Secret Wars (2015)

"Secret Wars was one of Marvel's biggest-ever super-mega-crossover events," Professor Puffinbottoms told us. "Not only was the main series delayed and expanded to nine issues, several oversized, but it had about sixty tie-in series or one-shots over the course of its run. If you're looking to wait out a long period of social distancing, a full collection of every Secret Wars tie-in issue could keep your butt clean for a year or longer."

"As an additional benefit," Puffinbottoms added, "most of those tie-ins were completely meaningless because they took place in an alternate reality, and the very nature of universe-changing super-mega-crossover events is that whatever changes they make will just be rewritten by the next several super-mega-crossover events, meaning none of it mattered anyway."

"You could probably survive for weeks wiping only with Hickman infographic pages alone," said Puffinbottoms. "If this crisis turns out to be a long one, a full collection Secret Wars is definitely what you want to have on hand to get through it."

Saga (2012-Present)

"No self-respecting comic book collector wants to be known as the person who only reads superhero chapbooks from Marvel or DC," Puffinbottoms rightly pointed out. "What are you, some kind of uncultured ignoramus?"

"A popular choice for readers looking to expand outside of the traditional superhero genre is Saga, by Brian K. Vaughn and Fiona Staples," Puffinbottoms explained. "It's currently on a hiatus, with 54 of a planned 108 issues published so far, but that's more than enough to stock your bathroom for the difficult months to come.

"And while you're tearing off a page of this spacefaring sci-fi epic, crumpling it up, or folding it, if that's your preference, and wiping feces out of your butt crack, you can rest assured that no one is going to accuse you of having limited taste in fiction, not even from six to ten feet away as CDC guidelines recommend."

No One Left to Fight (2019)

"Last year, Aubrey Sitterson and Fico Ossio gifted the world with what was probably the best comic of the year, No One Left to Fight," said Professor Puffinbottoms, an expert on these sorts of things. "Of course, the book's tagline, 'The Comic You Always Wanted,' was meant to refer to reading the story, but it applies perfectly to *** wiping as well."

"Look, the benefit of using any comic in place of toilet paper is that you get to enjoy reading it before sending it off to a stinky, watery grave," Puffinbottoms reasoned. "And no comic is likely to provide a better experience in that regard than No One Left to Fight."

"Even better, No One Left to Fight provides a luxurious bathroom tissue experience that no other comic can compete with," Puffinbottoms continued. "Social distancing means that you can't take the other comics on this list to your local comic convention, which has probably been canceled anyway, and get it autographed by the creators. But when it comes to No One Left to Fight, you can order autographed copies of the recently released trade paperback online and have them shipped right to your door."

"Most importantly," Puffinbottoms concluded, "using No One Left to Fight to fulfill this vital function as we wait for the coronavirus pandemic to pass will ensure higher sales, increasing the likelihood that Dark Horse will publish another volume, allowing us all to enjoy the continued adventures of Vale, Timor, and Krysta for many years, and many outbreaks, to come."

Reached for comment, Aubrey Sitterson agreed, telling Bleeding Cool, "What you do in the bathroom is typically between you, the porcelain, and your god. That folks would be willing to introduce ✨THE COMIC YOU ALWAYS WANTED✨ into that most sacrosanct equation makes me feel something rumbling deep, deep within my bowels. Just please order a clean copy for the shelf. Please."

Ignoring the interruption, Puffinbottoms also noted that, as with any of the comics on this list, digital issues of No One Left to Fight can be purchased on ComiXology, though Puffinbottoms recommended that if you do go the digital route, you "be sure to wash your tablet or phone thoroughly between wipings to avoid spreading even more germs."

As the serious nature of this coronavirus pandemic continues to sink in, we hope all of our readers remain safe, healthy, and most importantly, clean. Let us know in the comments which comics you prefer to wipe your *** with. And remember, in a pinch, you can always print out Bleeding Cool articles and wipe your *** with those.

 

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

[dtel]

And then there's this.

 

 

:A police department in Oregon is urging people that if they’ve run out of toilet paper, it’s not worth calling 911.

The Newport Police Department posted the surprising message on its Facebook page as shoppers across the country have flocked to supermarkets to stock up on supplies amid the coronavirus pandemic that has put much of the world on edge.

“It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this. Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance,” NPD wrote.

The department then offered numerous alternatives if people couldn’t find their “favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue.”

“[T]here are always alternatives to toilet paper. Grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting on the holder right now,” the message read. “Plus, there are a variety of leaves you can safely use. Mother Earth News magazine will tell you how to make your own wipes using fifteen different leaves. When all else fails, you have magazine pages. Start saving those catalogs you get in the mail that you usually toss into the recycle bin. be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.”

[babadono]

9 hours ago, JL Sargent said:

 

They can't close the border anymore than we can. How's that wall coming along?

 

 

Nonsense. Borders can be closed. It just takes the will and manpower. Might need to use a few bullets too.

[seti]

5 hours ago, Sancho Panza said:

Real Absinthe is not readily available in the States...

 

I knew a guy who made absinthe locally. Crazy stuff.. This was in the 90's. Not sure I would take the risk today...

 

 

[Marvel]

So many US news agencies now reporting almost 3500 cases of Covid-19, while the last, daily repoet from the WHO had no change from the previous day. The WHO is only reporting confirmed cases, though, while I expect the major news media to give totals as possibles infections.