Men's Rules

[jbsl]

Don't think I've seen this on the forum yet

We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you
leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months IS a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
Or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can,
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can, to give them a bigger laugh

Remember ladies it's just a joke, really![]

[maxg]

Seen it before - I actually did something similar for my wife called "Be happy I am an audiophile"

I can't remember it all - but it made her laugh and actually helped a little:

From the bits I do remember:

As a hobby:

1. Audiophilia is legal all over the world.

2. You know where I am when I am doing it.

3. I never got a hangover from it (directly).

4. I will never catch anything from doing it.

5. My records take up less space than your shoes.

6. Actually the Titanic took up less space than your shoes.

7. The entire cost of my system and my records works out at an average of $7 per night over a 10 year period. That is cheap entertainment for about 2 hours per night - and the costs don't increase when I have friends join me.

8. I think the system looks good in the living room - if you don't we can go out and find a system that looks good to you AND sounds good to me. It will cost about 5 times the current system - you want to look at it again?

9. Headphones are like condoms - it is NOT the same experience!

10. Volume. Trust me here - you really do not know what loud volume is. What is loud to you would not frighten a bat. The volume I play at is moderate.

11. Cables. Yes - if you stand at just the right angle within 6 inches of the wall the cables do look ugly. Visitors rarely do.

12. Audio-therapy is my shopping-therapy.

13. All my audiophile friends are male and you know I do not go that way. There are no audiophile groupies that I know of.

[Jay481985]

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

probably the best one there []

[Colin]

love the list Max

[kaiser SET say]

Awesome Max and # 2 is what sold my wife[]

[oldbuckster]

Oh, you've been to my house!!!!!

[Speedball]

Well it's about time something was written for the men.

[Daddy Dee]

true enough

[theryugobuddy]

How about calling your list:

"Men are from Klipsch,

Women are from tiny Bose satellites with crappy subs"

[nicholtl]

Love both lists.

[Bill Cain]

I've seen the first list, many times. But I never fail to smile when reading it.

The second one is new to me and is a hoot.

Thanks for both of them. []

[dtel's wife]

How about calling your list:

"Men are from Klipsch,

Women are from tiny Bose satellites with crappy subs"

I resent that statement. Now you are pushing your luck.[]

Where is Amy? I'm gonna tell.[]

[ottscay]

And once again I'm thankful for my girlfriend. We have none of the issues discussed in either list...she actually pushed for me to get the latest upgrade. She's a keeper!

[Marvel]

My wife put up with folks coming over to record, so I often had microphone cables running through the house, a drum kit in a spare bedroom, and all the associated stuff that goes with it (no drugs though, except maybe advil). She NEVER complained. Guess that's another reason I miss her.

Max, numbers 5 and 6 are great. My mother-in-law had a qalin closet that had shoes all the way around it. The whole family got a laugh out of that one.

[theryugobuddy]

How about calling your list:

"Men are from Klipsch,

Women are from tiny Bose satellites with crappy subs"

I resent that statement. Now you are pushing your luck.[]

Where is Amy? I'm gonna tell.[]

TeeHee--

Well, you know, there are always exceptions!!! And, darn it if we here don't appreciate those exceptions!

Thing is, I can count probably 20 to 1 couples where he wanted some good sound but had to settle for the satellites/sub that didn't overwhelm her armoire and curtains. And you know what I'm talkng about--

Even me, I've got great sound, but when guests come over she turns it down so low I just turn it off--

I think it has to do with ladies being able to hear every word each other says--while gentlemen want to retire with a cigar and some great music--

[dtel's wife]

We picked up a pair of industrial LaScalas for colterphoto and held them for almost a month.

I had a difficult time turning them over for delivery to colter. The louder the volume, the better they sounded. I finally had to accept the fact that I did not have a large enough room to accomodate the LaScalas at a volume worthy of their sound.

The looks of the LaScalas didn't bother me, the sound would be worth sacrificing "armoire and curtains".

You only live once.

IMO, curtains and armoires aren't worth nearly as much as good music and good friends.

[SteelerFan]

This list is on it's way to my GF right now![]

[formica]

This list is on it's way to my GF right now![]

Just sent as well...

[J.4knee]

. I finally had to accept the fact that I did not have a large enough room to accomodate the LaScalas at a volume worthy of their sound.

That is absolutely not true. I lived in Japan for about 7 years and had my La Scalas for 5 of those seven years. While there I lived in places so small and congested your neighbor could burp and you could guess what he had for dinner. Trust me there is no room too small for La Scala's![]

[edwinr]

I love 'Men's Rules'. My wife didn't. She just gave me that 'one raised eyebrow' look... How does she do that?