Marvel Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Okay, okay...so I'll admit it...I was never a huge fan of the Beatles. Not that I don't like their music, I just wasn't a huge fan. Or is it that you guys are just so good at "Name That Tune" and "What movie is the line from" Amy, you always seem to get the movie lines. I knew you were big on movies, but geez, I didn't realize how big of a movie fan you really were. I, along with a few others on this forum truly believe you will find your soul mate. Your soul mate will come along when you least expect it. Abbey Road just happened to be one of my favorites, although I like almost all of their material, including Sir Paul's solo stuff. And I also agree with your last line for Rob. Especially that one. Bruce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Yes Christy, but some of us have been 'least expecting it' for quite some time now! [:^)] Michael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
formica Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 Rob -- Was that at the L'Arche community by any chance? A rough job and great thing to do in any event. Actually it is a small private halfway home... for clients coming from an institutionalised life. It's actually not that rough a job as they are generally nice people regardless of their deficiencies. It is now a family business BTW... Rob - Did you get the email I sent to your excite.com address last week?? Tom, I got your email of the 21st of june... to which I replied on the 22nd as well as a note I sent you on the 25th. Did I or you miss any? you having the opportunity to network just as a matter of course. Not sure what your educational background is, but maybe there is a "society" for project managers that would allow you to go to meetings/seminars. Again - networking. Actually I'm a member of the Order of Engineers of Quebec, as well as two collectable car clubs ... but would you believe that most of these guys are a generation or two older than me, married, and with kids my age? But you are right about networking... have you taken some of your own advice? I'm looking into a couple of networking options hopefully with people closer to my age. The guys I work with are also quite a bit older than me... the exact same age as my (ex) in-laws. Never thought about using part time work as an option... but I already work two jobs (well technically they are both suffering now... but that is a different story). From reading your posts is it easy to see how much of a gentlemen you are. Most women will tell you one of the greatest difficulties in a relationship is lack of communication from the man they are with. Generally, women readily discuss their feelings(their heart), on the other hand men try to ignore their feelings(their heart) and listen to their head. I can tell you most women genuinely appreciate being with a man that is willing to talk about his feelings. Most of that is true, and I'm a very open and sensitive (overly sensitive IMHO) but I have to confess that I do listen to my mind over my heart in taking decisions. Yet, I do think we are saying the same thing as I tend to feel that "heart" refers more to an "impulsive" or a "primary" feeling... while the "mind" is a logic based one including on how it makes us feel. Does that make any sense? Your soul mate will come along when you least expect it. I've both read and experienced that... only when you let your guard down and stop trying too hard that you get to meet the right people (well for the first 7 years anyhow...) And on the topic of quoting lyrics... has anyone read the album the "Downward Spiral" by Nine Inch Nails? Ohhh... tooo appropriate... ROb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel's wife Posted June 27, 2006 Moderators Share Posted June 27, 2006 Yes Christy, but some of us have been 'least expecting it' for quite some time now! [:^)] Michael Michael, There is some one out there for each of us. Sometimes, we look too hard for it, sometimes we just look the other way when it does come along. I believe with everything I have that "everything goes full circle". If you love, you will be loved in return. If you hate, hate will come to you in return. If you are an honest person, you will be treated honestly. And on and on. There are exceptions to every rule, however I do not believe love is one of those exceptions. In order to be loved, you have to love yourself. That is the main reason, I told you guys to quit beating up on yourselves. Damn, these girls you all are talking about could not possibly have a clue about love. I have read every post on this thread and I have read other posts that you guys have written. A person's writing tells alot about who they are. I consider myself to be a good judge of character. In most cases, when I form an opinion of someone, it proves out in the long run. After reading most of the posts you guys have written for over two years it is obvious the women you have been associating with don't have a clue about a good guy. And to tell you truth, I don't think they could even buy a clue. In fact, IMO these women don't deserve a clue. You guys are too good for this kind of BS treatment. Networking is part of the answer, however you guys have got to stop being so hard on yourselves. I can see the looks on your faces without even seeing you. Get yourselves in gear, start working on making yourself happy again, and love will come, "when you least expect it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel's wife Posted June 27, 2006 Moderators Share Posted June 27, 2006 Yes, your comments on heart and mind do make sense. But "heart" is not necessarily an impulsive or primary feeling. Sometimes, listening to your heart over your mind can be a good thing. Not always, but sometimes. Men tend to be "logical" which is also a good thing. However, being "logical" all the time can become very boring. Do this make any sense? "Women tend to be "impulsive" or "primary". " I assume you mean "knee jerk reaction". Women are not necessarily impulsive, just because we make some decisions based on "heart". IMO, women actually take heart and mind into most decisions. Thus a woman is always changing her mind? Again "(well for the first 7 years anyhow...). So you let your guard down and found your "soul mate" for the first seven years? "Is it better to have loved than to never have known love?" I know that sounds real corny. How would you know what you are missing if you never had it? Maybe, just maybe what you had with your ex was " a very small piece of the pie." Did you really have what you thought you had? My biggest emotional pitfalls have come when I thought I knew what to expect from someone. Sometimes it is better to accept what you have, be thankful for it everyday and if you do lose it, try to get "it" back. And I don't mean "it" in the literal sense. I hope this makes sense to you guys, because it is real important that you rise up from the ashes and grab a hold of the life you deserve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 "I can see the looks on your faces without even seeing you. " Yup Christy, all the clowns are crying inside..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel's wife Posted June 27, 2006 Moderators Share Posted June 27, 2006 "I can see the looks on your faces without even seeing you. " Yup Christy, all the clowns are crying inside..... That makes me very sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cluless Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Wow, since I'm 47 and NOT divorced twice and bitter, I guess that makes me just plain evil............... Actually, that's probably true.[6] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 ooo, sorry 'bout dat! [:$] I meant generally speaking, I don't know what I meant, I'm confused these days.... Perhaps another pill would do the trick? M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Spinner Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Hey, Formica ....! check your e-mail today .......[] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Spinner Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Wow, since I'm 47 and NOT divorced twice and bitter, I guess that makes me just plain evil............... ] no ......... it just makes you ....old ...... like most of us here ......[] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cluless Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Duke, Now look what you did. You made me take off my cute little bunny suit and sharpen my fangs. gggggrrrrrr. old grrrrrrrr[] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
formica Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 check your e-mail today .......[] Thanks.... reply sent.... As many of you must know (or see)... situations like these cause a great deal of thoughts and ideas to rush through our minds. Although many of them are valid thoughts... they get intermixed with fear and anxiety and come out something like an alphabet soup. I have been reading through the book Duke (mark) sent me... and I must admit that it has helped me put some order to all that. Although the thoughts are still my own, I can say that things look much clearer when they aren't clouded by that fear and anxiety. There is no magic pill and I'm still working on myself... but I've honestly taken a good step forward. [8-|] ROb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fini Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Good to hear, Rob. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fini Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Wow, since I'm 47 and NOT divorced twice and bitter, I guess that makes me just plain evil............... Actually, that's probably true.[6] Yes, but you're the good kind of evil... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frzninvt Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Man it took a few days of partying hard in New Orleans while staying at the Bourbon-Orleans hotel for me to forget the last woman that broke up with me around '92-'93 man did I get flambayed! Wheeeeeewwwwwww! Nothing like a large ice cold Coca-Cola and a bowl of gumbo to take the edge off the following afternoon after yacking up breakfast in the shower. Man those were the days! Last place I remember being in was some sort of Kareoke joint with Kitty in the name. I had to beg my brother in law to stop buying me more beer since I was already holding three of them. I think the lobby staff poured us onto the elevator. Strange thing is I was more upset at loosing the girlfriend than I was the wife that had divorced me the same year - go figure. Nothing like a young hot college girl to help you get through the rough times after a divorce. [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel's wife Posted June 28, 2006 Moderators Share Posted June 28, 2006 Man it took a few days of partying hard in New Orleans while staying at the Bourbon-Orleans hotel for me to forget the last woman that broke up with me around '92-'93 man did I get flambayed! Wheeeeeewwwwwww! Nothing like a large ice cold Coca-Cola and a bowl of gumbo to take the edge off the following afternoon after yacking up breakfast in the shower. Man those were the days! Last place I remember being in was some sort of Kareoke joint with Kitty in the name. I had to beg my brother in law to stop buying me more beer since I was already holding three of them. I think the lobby staff poured us onto the elevator. I have been trying to encourage everyone to come to New Orleans for an informal gathering. Maybe that's the key. It worked for you. Dtel and I have really enjoyed going to the French Quarter the last few months. "Old enough to know better and young enough to still have a good time." [] You guys need to take a look a dtel's new signature line.[] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
formica Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Another day, and still more great strides. I'm feeling better about myself than I have in a long time. [] In these last couple of days, I've realised a lot of the error's I've committed in dealing with the whole situation, which has only resulted in hurting her and myself. Ironically I committed the exact same errors with my first wife; you would think that I should have learnt not to repeat what didn't work? I can't undo what has been done, but I openly vow to change that behaviour, as I have no desire to hurt her. That isn't who I am, and who I want to be remembered as. I've also set myself some personal goals, which will allow me to continue to enjoy all the things I like. People move to new cities all the time and start from scratch, I don't see how this is any more difficult. I'm a very lucky, independent, person with a lot to offer... I won't let anxiety get the better of me. I am even somewhat embarrassed by my progress... but I'll do everything I can to keep moving in that direction. ROb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cal Blacksmith Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I posted this in the thread "What the eff" but it seems to fit well with this thread also. So at the risk of ticking someone off I will add one more post to my count. Heck, it took a long time to write and why shouldn't I get an extra post out of it?[] I debated on if I should put in my $0.02 or not then thought what the heck. The wife and I will have our 25th anniversary this year. We were both after the mid 20s when we got married so we had some idea of who we were before we got married. We have had some medical problems that would have broken up couples that were less committed to each other. I cant count the number of nights I spend in the hospital tending to her needs. On one occasion, the nurses lost the other bed in a semi-private room and moved in a cot for me (NO EXTRA CHARGE) We have been through at least half a dozen brain surgeries on my wife. She will never be free from the disease that has its grips on her. Heck, there isnt even a name for what she has. She should have been dead long ago. Her case was once presented at a medical convention for neurosurgeons and one of the doctors asked how old was the patent when they died? That was over 20 years ago and she is still kicking! Have I ever thought of what life would be like with someone else? Sure, but I also realize that there is no person on the face of the earth that is perfect and I am very glad to have found someone who is willing to deal with all my shortcomings. Our experience in the hospitals has taught us that there is always someone who is in worse shape than your self and tough as our situation is, I have many times said, I am glad we dont have THAT problem! Marriage is a 2 way street, it can not be all give and no receive, nor can it be all receive and no give. We each know each others buttons but choose not to push them, rather we look out for each other and try to do what is best for them and in doing so, do the best for our self and the marriage on the whole. This post might sting a little to those who have not had the same experience as my wife and I have had and I am truly sorry for your situation. Amy was right with the know thy self comment. The other truth is that no matter who you are with, changing partners will not make things better; you will only change problems, as there are no perfect people in the world. If you both realize this and truly seek to make things better between your selves, you can make a good life together. If one person in the relationship fails to realize this, the road gets much rougher. No other person can make you happy, only you can do that yourself. (I am referring to NORMAL people here, not people who beat up or abuse someone in any way!) The people who are the most attractive to the opposite sex are those who are ease with themselves; confident in whom they are and do NOT project insecurity or need. Think about it, dont the alarm bells go off in your head when you meet someone who seems a little clingy or needy? Yet if you meet someone is at ease inside themselves and projects a self-confidence that says I am happy with who I am are you not drawn to them? In every relationship, there comes a time at the beginning where the other person will test you in this. There will be a fight or disagreement and they will threaten to leave or will leave, you must let them go. Do not go begging after them for if you do, you will surely poison the relationship and it will not work out. The other person needs to know that they are free to go and are not trapped. They may come back or they may not but if you grovel to get them back, you have lost. Is this clear as mud? This is an ironic part of human nature, that in order to give ourselves to someone else, we must know that they dont need us. Weird huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Thanks Cal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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