Thy Music is Foul!

[thebes]

Restlessness in my realm, peasants muttering, yeoman in near-open revolt. My 5th of the take and the forth for the clergy and nobility at stake I was urged on by nobles and priests to calm the lessers until foreign mercenaries I had engaged could burn a few villages, perhaps a pogrom or two.

I had a notice read in every village of the Realm of Thebes. A contest, forsooth! Music to enchant, music to dance, music to dream!!!
The individual or group selected as most worthy would receive a cinnamon scented scarf directly from the hand of either Lady Tickles or Tawny.

For leagues they came to the Ville de' Thebes, passing through the massive outer gates and into the great hall. The finest troubadours throughout the realm to pay homage to their King and, if fortunate, win a smile or a boon from the hands of The Twins. Fresh rustles covered the floor, and a great feast was laid before them, while a crackling fire in the hearth chased the chill of moldy stonework from our midst. While scullery maids bustled about with fatted pigs, plump pheasants, a cornucopia of currants and sweetbreads, tankards of mead and heady spice wines, I settled into my accustomed place at the middle of the head table playing idly with a dirk.

"Bring forth those seeking for the Glory of the Realm", I cried.

In they swarmed, divers souls and groups armed with the tools of their trade, mandolins, bangles, drums, stringed instruments too many to count. Other oddments abounded, something called a saxophone, another called a key board. Looking over the mob of them I realized that my rule had been entirely to generous. Why else had so many of them had sufficient time from plating tubers, artifacting farm implements, cobbling shoes, threshing grain, in other words, the dreary eaking out of tasks set forth by me, their Lord and King to learn to perform.

It soon became apparent that I had perhaps laid the hand of my rule too sternly upon them because, and depsite my massive intake of el porto, the music was dreadful to the extreme.

Perhaps the worst of the lot was group calling themselves "Spanky and Our Gang" . Of the two songs allowed by the rules of joust they started by butchering a wonderfully simple song by The Mamas and Poppas and then they put a quiver full of arrows into the heart of greatest poet of the age by rendering a most quirksome work by de'Lord de Leonard the Lion Cohen.

The priests soon took them in hand, carried off to the cellars where burning coals and the implement called simply "the Wrack" would soon have them regretting their boldness and bad singing. I can only hope the loss of their manhood would reform to their duties as my Lord's leiges, but I fear not.

I'm a king and a terror to those who would mock my own authority and worse to those who would beg a crumb from my table when they could labor 18 hours per day for their bowl of gruel and to put a fatted pig upon my table.

I beseech you Lords and Ladies, deliver from this caterwauling, or better yet, regale me of tales of supremely bad music you have encountered along the path.

[Islander]

"Money" by The Flying Lizards. That's one of the worst.

[mike stehr]

"The individual or group selected as most worthy would receive a cinnamon scented scarf directly from the hand of either Lady Tickles or Tawny."

Cinnamon?! Cmon man, meat wallet is more my speed.

" I'm a king and a terror to those who would mock my own authority and worse to those who would beg a crumb from my table when they could labor 18 hours per day for their bowl of gruel and to put a fatted pig upon my table."

Reminds me of some of the foremans I had at jobs over the years.......

Bad songs.....Yoko Ono?!!

[colterphoto1]

In days of yore I wandered to the greatest hall of music in this ville of Indians, this Arena de Market. Whereupon mine ears were devestated by the most dasterdly of readers of prose. This gent fairly well dressed yet who spoke of diamonds in the sky with Lucy and other previous wonderous tales in a most horrid manner. Surrounded on one side by brass horn blowers and on the other by stringed addagios, with much malice and lack of tempo did this reader continue to slake our auditory canals.

He spake tales of the universes beyond or galaxies and twirling clouds of dust, while the quasi-musical throng did make a dreary racket. At similar times it was to attempt drama and comedic satire, but the tempo oh the tempo was lacking. It was most sorrowfull. Our collective hearts were to skip a beat awaiting the forthcoming syllable from the performers mouth. Yet there seemed to be no escape. Only nearing the planned half mark of the eve were brave patrons shown to the exiting ramps from thence to gain freedom from this madness. We made our way soon afterwards, never to return.

This was know in the year around 1970 as this Symphony of the Stars and Sir William of Shatner proved to be the most uneloquent leader of this almighty drone. As a rememberance to not self-torture to this degree ever again a solemn vow was made by all who attended.

[oldbuckster]

Any solo work from Sir Paul Mc Cartney........................YUK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thebes]

Ah Baron Michael, well I remember Sir Shatner, a boon companion but a horrid troubadour. Only the war cries of those blue-painted, twice damned Celts are more jarring to the ear and , I suspect, the soul.

The endless parade of shireks and tootling continues. I would have a rendering of John Barleycorn Must Die, but these fools would render it to pieces.

Surely my lieges, my fellow bearers of the purple, must have more sad tales to offer to amuse me whilst I squirm upon my throne.

[pauln]

...whilst I squirm upon my throne.

Ah, ... maybe there is some ointment for that in your medicine chest?

[IndyKlipschFan]

Michael.. I laughed at William Shattner too.. I thought, can he possibly take himself THIS serious? I am pretty sure my parents drug me to that too? hahahaha Or worse, we had that record and played it more than once?

Be almost as bad as any celeb up at Wrigley Field that can't sing a note...in the 7th inning..... Or the woman that thinks Brittney spears sucks... But whose off key warbles full of emotion but lacking of any tallennt like any ex American Idol wannabee full of themselves, It just makes my stomach turn upside down!

[pauln]

...But whose off key warbles full of emotion but lacking of any

tallennt... shades of Bill Murray's lounge singing

comes to mind (ouch!)

[Islander]

Ah Baron Michael, well I remember Sir Shatner, a boon companion but a horrid troubadour. Only the war cries of those blue-painted, twice damned Celts are more jarring to the ear and , I suspect, the soul.

Blue-painted? That would be the Picts or the Scots. We Hibernian Celts never went further in battle-style than lime for our Mohawks (to look taller and fiercer, of course!) The lack of clothing other than a torc around the neck may have been scary on more than one level, however...

[colterphoto1]

Ah Baron Michael, well I remember Sir Shatner, a boon companion but a horrid troubadour. Only the war cries of those blue-painted, twice damned Celts are more jarring to the ear and , I suspect, the soul.

Blue-painted? That would be the Picts or the Scots. We Hibernian Celts never went further in battle-style than lime for our Mohawks (to look taller and fiercer, of course!) The lack of clothing other than a torc around the neck may have been scary on more than one level, however...

Methinks he spake of that squad of vagabond punters of the oblong pigskin. The team from the land of Indians being victorius at defeating champions from all invading lands.

(c'mon you guys, stay in character)

[colterphoto1]

...whilst I squirm upon my throne.

Ah, ... maybe there is some ointment for that in your medicine chest?

Perchance that Lady Tawny could manage a poultice?

[maxg]

My Leige,

Word has passed my ear this very day of an insult to the ear greater yet than that of Sir William of Shattnered drum.

It would appear that Lord Leonard of Limoy did once a record make and fouler deed there never was although I confess twas not I that heard it, merely of it - so the truth cannot be for certain sure this day.

Perchance some brave knight of the realm might further this quest to hear the reported ditty and report back?

[Gilbert]

My Leige,

Word has passed my ear this very day of an insult to the ear greater yet than that of Sir William of Shattnered drum.

It would appear that Lord Leonard of Limoy did once a record make and fouler deed there never was although I confess twas not I that heard it, merely of it - so the truth cannot be for certain sure this day.

Perchance some brave knight of the realm might further this quest to hear the reported ditty and report back?

Oh my Leige, have mercy on thy humble servant. I have visited the villages of which Sir Maxy has spoken... Oh The Horor. Once to Shattnered drum and thwice to Limoy, I can stand no more. Both city's smell of a most wretched stench, and I have lost my will to carry on. Please my lord, have mercy, for I now suffer of Vangoue's disease... ohh the ringing bells they do not stop.... MERCY MY LORD,. HAVE MERCY.

Sounds From Shatter'd Drum

[colterphoto1]

ARRRGGGHH, mine ears they do ringeth so. I dared to listen to the
horrid wretched sounds of this Limoy and fear that I have danced with
the devil and looked into the lair of the dragon itself. There is a
cheeriness of this 'Bilboa' tune which is surely diabolical and must
lure young knights of the realm to gouge out their eardrums lest they
be tortured further.

I was able to tear myself away only
several seconds into the piece, so was not seduced by the merry dancing
nymphets. Could those two maidens wearing the badge of the Sun and
shoulder-shrugging their way through the tune be none other than
Tickles and Tawny, the so-called Wonder-Twins? Their countenance is
bewitching indeed and less brave members of the realm must surely fall
prey to their wiles.

If so then I ask the dear reader to
consider that Sir Maximus must be a confederate of Lord Thebes and they
have tricked us once again.

(I cannot decide if this new backwards manner of speaking resembles more the Shakespearian or Johnyspeak?)

[seti]

ARRRGGGHH, mine ears they do ringeth so. I dared to listen to the

horrid wretched sounds of this Limoy and fear that I have danced with

the devil and looked into the lair of the dragon itself. There is a

cheeriness of this 'Bilboa' tune which is surely diabolical and must

lure young knights of the realm to gouge out their eardrums lest they

be tortured further.

I was able to tear myself away only

several seconds into the piece, so was not seduced by the merry dancing

nymphets. Could those two maidens wearing the badge of the Sun and

shoulder-shrugging their way through the tune be none other than

Tickles and Tawny, the so-called Wonder-Twins? Their countenance is

bewitching indeed and less brave members of the realm must surely fall

prey to their wiles.

If so then I ask the dear reader to

consider that Sir Maximus must be a confederate of Lord Thebes and they

have tricked us once again.

 

(I cannot decide if this new backwards manner of speaking resembles more the Shakespearian or Johnyspeak?)

 

Damm Colter I was thinking the same thing. Shatner might be bad but Nimoy takes the cake especially with The Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins

 

 

 

[seti]

Hmm Foul you say....

 

When did this terible album come out? 

 

I never liked this band but I had friends that did.

 

Here is a good site for bad album covers but bad music usually followed....

Click here 

 

 

[pauln]

Spock? This one is already a classic...

[whamo]

Let's not forget Pat Boone's "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It's Pat Boone's take on some of the greatest heavy metal hit's. It was at our local library. I'm sorry I didn't rip it because this is a classic spoof album. There's a pic of him on the cover sporting a leather vest, tattoos and some sort of diamond in his eye effect. This is so aweful it deserves a listen. Mark

[Gilbert]

ARRRGGGHH, mine ears they do ringeth so. I dared to listen to the horrid wretched sounds of this Limoy and fear that I have danced with the devil and looked into the lair of the dragon itself. There is a cheeriness of this 'Bilboa' tune which is surely diabolical and must lure young knights of the realm to gouge out their eardrums lest they be tortured further.

I was able to tear myself away only several seconds into the piece, so was not seduced by the merry dancing nymphets. Could those two maidens wearing the badge of the Sun and shoulder-shrugging their way through the tune be none other than Tickles and Tawny, the so-called Wonder-Twins? Their countenance is bewitching indeed and less brave members of the realm must surely fall prey to their wiles.

If so then I ask the dear reader to consider that Sir Maximus must be a confederate of Lord Thebes and they have tricked us once again.

(I cannot decide if this new backwards manner of speaking resembles more the Shakespearian or Johnyspeak?)

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Squire Michael has been to the well, and he speaks of treachery and of Lord Thebes in a single exhaled breath. Is this the beginings of mutiny? Has Lord Thebes tempted us with his wicked twin wenches? Oooh, ooohoo, my head spinneth, my heart is fallen and my ears grow cold,. the ringing persist.