Sancho Panza Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Last time I had jury duty was the day after I got my brand-new, secondhand La Scalas... Got selected on a civil case & was able to reduce the amount awarded from the innocent person to the whining cry-baby who "proved" her case with testimony from her mother. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Poured another. Ate a stalk of celery. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USNRET Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Any of you boys car pooling to Hope from Texas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eth2 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 It is a criminal offense to disclose anything which occurs in a grand jury room so this is purely fictional. I had a "friend" that was called to grand jury duty. He was a lawyer so he got elected Foreman. He tried to do his job well. Therefore, he tried to explain the "elements" of each crime to his fellow jurors and why, or why not, the DA had proven his case.. Finally, one of them said, "Cut the shit. The police would not have arrested him if he wasn't guilty." So much for law school, he thought. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USNRET Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Poured another. Ate a stalk of celery. I had beef jerky. I'm cheap and it tastes good. Easy 96% ground beef, spices and the de-hydrater , dehydrator , that thing that dries out beef jerky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobPezz Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Once when a Dos Equis commercial came on, I said "there's Boxx"! My wife looked at me like I was odd, then I told her who Boxx was….she laughed. 100 Most Interesting Man in the World Quotes He gave his father "the talk" His passport requires no photograph When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died His 5 de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March His feet don't get blisters, but his shoes do He once went to the psychic, to warn her If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him Whatever side of the tracks he's currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he'll still be on the right side He can speak Russian... in French He never says something tastes like chicken.. not even chicken Superman has pijamas with his logo His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries The circus ran away to join him Bear hugs are what he gives bears He once brought a knife to a gunfight... just to even the odds When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring His friends call him by his name, his enemies don't call him anything because they are all dead He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn't be dark He once won a staring contest with his own reflection He can kill two stones with one bird His signature won a Pulitzer When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he hears it He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket The dark is afraid of him Sharks have a week dedicated to him His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about his beard He once made a weeping willow laugh He lives vicariously through himself His business card simply says 'I'll Call You" He once taught a german shepherd how to bark in spanish He bowls overhand In museums, he is allowed to touch the art He is allowed to talk about the fight club He once won a fist fight, only using his beard He once won the Tour-de-France, but was disqualified for riding a unicycle A bird in his hand is worth three in the bush His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph The Holy Grail is looking for him Roses stop to smell him He once started a fire using only dental floss and water His sweat is the cure for the common cold Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him Werewolves are jealous of his beard He once turned a vampire into a vegetarian He once won the world series of poker using UNO cards He never wears a watch because time is always on his side He has taught old dogs a variety of new tricks He has won the lifetime achievement award... twice If opportunity knocks, and he's not at home, opportunity waits Batman watches Saturday morning cartoons about him When he was young he once sent his parents to his room He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body His blood smells like cologne On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him. His hands feel like rich brown suede Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect He is fluent in all languages, including three that he only speaks Once while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut Panhandlers give him money When he goes to Spain, he chases the bulls His shadow has been on the 'best dressed' list twice When he holds a lady's purse, he looks manly Two countries went to war to dispute HIS nationality When in Rome, they do as HE does His pillow is cool on BOTH sides The Nobel Academy was awarded a prize from HIM While swimming off the coast of Australia, he once scratched the underbelly of the Great White with his right han He taught Chuck Norris martial arts Time waits on no one, but him Once he ran a marathon because it was "on the way" His mother has a tattoo that says "Son" The star on his Christmas tree is tracked by NASA Presidents take his birthday off His recipe for deviled eggs involves actual witchcraft He has never walked into a spider web He is left-handed. And right-handed His shirts never wrinkle The police often question him, just because they find him interesting His organ donation card also lists his beard He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores Even his tree houses have fully finished basements His garden maze is responsible for more missing persons than the Bermuda triangle If he were to say something costs an arm and a leg, it would He's never lost a game of chance He is the life of parties that he has never attended He was on a recent archaeological dig and came across prehistoric foot prints that lead out of Africa into all parts of the world. On close inspection, it turned out that the prints were his He once caught the Loch Ness Monster….with a cane pole, but threw it back His wallet is woven out of chupacabra leather He played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded magnum, and won Freemasons strive to learn HIS secret handshake If he was to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume He is considered a national treasure in countries he’s never visited Cars look both ways for him, before driving down a street He once tried to acquire a cold just to see what it felt like, but it didn’t take He has inside jokes with people he’s never met. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mallette Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Springer on monitor w/sound off OK, what the hell is a "Springer" on a monitor? Dave 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigStewMan Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Poured another. Ate a stalk of celery. I had beef jerky. I'm cheap and it tastes good. Easy 96% ground beef, spices and the de-hydrater , dehydrator , that thing that dries out beef jerky well, you’re a Navy man and I spent 20 in the Coast Guard. There is a phrase used to describe the food that I suspect you’ve heard ... “how was chow…any good?" “It’ll make a turd." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I'll try to post some pics tomorrow but today me and six other guys went to this little dive about twenty miles away to eat Bar-b-que. One of the guy's son has a limo so we got him to drive us there. We all posed in front of the limo and country store. One guy is blind and was wearing dark glasses so he posed as the driver with his cane touching the curb. A fun trip. We decided next time....a couple of girls and lap dances. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobPezz Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Once when a Dos Equis commercial came on, I said "there's Boxx"! My wife looked at me like I was odd, then I told her who Boxx was….she laughed. 100 Most Interesting Man in the World Quotes He gave his father "the talk" His passport requires no photograph When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died His 5 de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March His feet don't get blisters, but his shoes do He once went to the psychic, to warn her If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him Whatever side of the tracks he's currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he'll still be on the right side He can speak Russian... in French He never says something tastes like chicken.. not even chicken Superman has pijamas with his logo His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries The circus ran away to join him Bear hugs are what he gives bears He once brought a knife to a gunfight... just to even the odds When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring His friends call him by his name, his enemies don't call him anything because they are all dead He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn't be dark He once won a staring contest with his own reflection He can kill two stones with one bird His signature won a Pulitzer When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he hears it He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket The dark is afraid of him Sharks have a week dedicated to him His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about his beard He once made a weeping willow laugh He lives vicariously through himself His business card simply says 'I'll Call You" He once taught a german shepherd how to bark in spanish He bowls overhand In museums, he is allowed to touch the art He is allowed to talk about the fight club He once won a fist fight, only using his beard He once won the Tour-de-France, but was disqualified for riding a unicycle A bird in his hand is worth three in the bush His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph The Holy Grail is looking for him Roses stop to smell him He once started a fire using only dental floss and water His sweat is the cure for the common cold Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him Werewolves are jealous of his beard He once turned a vampire into a vegetarian He once won the world series of poker using UNO cards He never wears a watch because time is always on his side He has taught old dogs a variety of new tricks He has won the lifetime achievement award... twice If opportunity knocks, and he's not at home, opportunity waits Batman watches Saturday morning cartoons about him When he was young he once sent his parents to his room He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body His blood smells like cologne On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him. His hands feel like rich brown suede Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect He is fluent in all languages, including three that he only speaks Once while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut Panhandlers give him money When he goes to Spain, he chases the bulls His shadow has been on the 'best dressed' list twice When he holds a lady's purse, he looks manly Two countries went to war to dispute HIS nationality When in Rome, they do as HE does His pillow is cool on BOTH sides The Nobel Academy was awarded a prize from HIM While swimming off the coast of Australia, he once scratched the underbelly of the Great White with his right han He taught Chuck Norris martial arts Time waits on no one, but him Once he ran a marathon because it was "on the way" His mother has a tattoo that says "Son" The star on his Christmas tree is tracked by NASA Presidents take his birthday off His recipe for deviled eggs involves actual witchcraft He has never walked into a spider web He is left-handed. And right-handed His shirts never wrinkle The police often question him, just because they find him interesting His organ donation card also lists his beard He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores Even his tree houses have fully finished basements His garden maze is responsible for more missing persons than the Bermuda triangle If he were to say something costs an arm and a leg, it would He's never lost a game of chance He is the life of parties that he has never attended He was on a recent archaeological dig and came across prehistoric foot prints that lead out of Africa into all parts of the world. On close inspection, it turned out that the prints were his He once caught the Loch Ness Monster….with a cane pole, but threw it back His wallet is woven out of chupacabra leather He played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded magnum, and won Freemasons strive to learn HIS secret handshake If he was to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume He is considered a national treasure in countries he’s never visited Cars look both ways for him, before driving down a street He once tried to acquire a cold just to see what it felt like, but it didn’t take He has inside jokes with people he’s never met. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceptorman Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 "If he were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume"!!! Awesome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigStewMan Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 If he were to punch you in the face, you’d have to fight off a strong urge to thank him. I love that one! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USNRET Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) Poured another. Ate a stalk of celery. I had beef jerky. I'm cheap and it tastes good. Easy 96% ground beef, spices and the de-hydrater , dehydrator , that thing that dries out beef jerky well, you’re a Navy man and I spent 20 in the Coast Guard. There is a phrase used to describe the food that I suspect you’ve heard ... “how was chow…any good?" “It’ll make a turd." As a matter of fact I have used that once..........or twice; and then you hope it does Edited January 9, 2015 by USNRET 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mallette Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 OK, third Turkey and soda, now wishing for something a bit more from Colorado than from the Dominican Republic. Hope the winds of change blow through Texas soon. I'd love to have shared one with Boxx, but the issue is that if he did I suspect he'd act a lot...like Boxx. A person can only be so mellow, donchaknow. Dave 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 That's great bobpezz Sorry guys.....I have been out of likes for awhile now. No slight intended. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Springer on monitor w/sound off OK, what the hell is a "Springer" on a monitor? Dave Jerry on TV? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigStewMan Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Springer on monitor w/sound off OK, what the hell is a "Springer" on a monitor? Dave Jerry on TV? if that’s true…somebody get up there quick and take all firearms and sharp objects away from Mark--he isn’t thinking clearly. Quick Mark--crank up the volume a bit more. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 One ahead of me Dave.....I'll try to catch up. Anyone remember what Boxx's drink was.....besides Dos Equis? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eth2 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I did before I had four of them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigStewMan Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 One ahead of me Dave.....I'll try to catch up. Anyone remember what Boxx's drink was.....besides Dos Equis? Boxx was a wine aficionado I believe … not sure what his favorite bottle was. If Tigerman stops by, he can answer that -- he and Boxx talked about wine often. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.