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3 minutes to Miller Time


jacksonbart
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Last time I had jury duty was the day after I got my brand-new, secondhand La Scalas...

Got selected on a civil case & was able to reduce the amount awarded from the innocent person to the whining cry-baby who "proved" her case with testimony from her mother.

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It is a criminal offense to disclose anything which occurs in a grand jury room so this is purely fictional.

 

I had a "friend" that was called to grand jury duty. He was a lawyer so he got elected Foreman. He tried to do his job well. Therefore, he tried to explain the "elements" of each crime to his fellow jurors and why, or why not, the DA had proven his case.. Finally, one of them said, "Cut the shit. The police would not have arrested him if he wasn't guilty."

 

So much for law school, he thought.

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Once when a Dos Equis commercial came on, I said "there's Boxx"!

My wife looked at me like I was odd, then I told her who Boxx was….she laughed.

giphy.gif

100 Most Interesting Man in the World Quotes

He gave his father "the talk"

His passport requires no photograph

When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value

Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died

His 5 de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March

His feet don't get blisters, but his shoes do

He once went to the psychic, to warn her

If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him

Whatever side of the tracks he's currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he'll still be on the right side

He can speak Russian... in French

He never says something tastes like chicken.. not even chicken

Superman has pijamas with his logo

His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries

The circus ran away to join him

Bear hugs are what he gives bears

He once brought a knife to a gunfight... just to even the odds

When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring

His friends call him by his name, his enemies don't call him anything because they are all dead

He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool

If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn't be dark

He once won a staring contest with his own reflection

He can kill two stones with one bird

His signature won a Pulitzer

When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he hears it

He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket

The dark is afraid of him

Sharks have a week dedicated to him

His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons

No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about his beard

He once made a weeping willow laugh

He lives vicariously through himself

His business card simply says 'I'll Call You"

He once taught a german shepherd how to bark in spanish

He bowls overhand

In museums, he is allowed to touch the art

He is allowed to talk about the fight club

He once won a fist fight, only using his beard

He once won the Tour-de-France, but was disqualified for riding a unicycle

A bird in his hand is worth three in the bush

His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph

The Holy Grail is looking for him

Roses stop to smell him

He once started a fire using only dental floss and water

His sweat is the cure for the common cold

Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him

Werewolves are jealous of his beard

He once turned a vampire into a vegetarian

He once won the world series of poker using UNO cards

He never wears a watch because time is always on his side

He has taught old dogs a variety of new tricks

He has won the lifetime achievement award... twice

If opportunity knocks, and he's not at home, opportunity waits

Batman watches Saturday morning cartoons about him

When he was young he once sent his parents to his room

He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels

His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body

His blood smells like cologne

On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.

His hands feel like rich brown suede

Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect

He is fluent in all languages, including three that he only speaks

Once while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut

Panhandlers give him money

When he goes to Spain, he chases the bulls

His shadow has been on the 'best dressed' list twice

When he holds a lady's purse, he looks manly

Two countries went to war to dispute HIS nationality

When in Rome, they do as HE does

His pillow is cool on BOTH sides

The Nobel Academy was awarded a prize from HIM

While swimming off the coast of Australia, he once scratched the underbelly of the Great White with his right han

He taught Chuck Norris martial arts

Time waits on no one, but him

Once he ran a marathon because it was "on the way"

His mother has a tattoo that says "Son"

The star on his Christmas tree is tracked by NASA

Presidents take his birthday off

His recipe for deviled eggs involves actual witchcraft

He has never walked into a spider web

He is left-handed. And right-handed

His shirts never wrinkle

The police often question him, just because they find him interesting

His organ donation card also lists his beard

He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders

His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him

Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores

Even his tree houses have fully finished basements

His garden maze is responsible for more missing persons than the Bermuda triangle

If he were to say something costs an arm and a leg, it would

He's never lost a game of chance

He is the life of parties that he has never attended

He was on a recent archaeological dig and came across prehistoric foot prints that lead out of Africa into all parts of the world. On close inspection, it turned out that the prints were his

He once caught the Loch Ness Monster….with a cane pole, but threw it back

His wallet is woven out of chupacabra leather

He played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded magnum, and won

Freemasons strive to learn HIS secret handshake

If he was to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume

He is considered a national treasure in countries he’s never visited

Cars look both ways for him, before driving down a street

He once tried to acquire a cold just to see what it felt like, but it didn’t take

He has inside jokes with people he’s never met.

 

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Poured another.  Ate a stalk of celery.

I had beef jerky. I'm cheap and it tastes good. Easy 96% ground beef, spices and the de-hydrater , dehydrator , that thing that dries out beef jerky

 

well, you’re a Navy man and I spent 20 in the Coast Guard. There is a phrase used to describe the food that I suspect you’ve heard ...

“how was chow…any good?"

“It’ll make a turd."

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I'll try to post some pics tomorrow but today me and six other guys went to this little dive about twenty miles away to eat Bar-b-que.  One of the guy's son has a limo so we got him to drive us there.  We all posed in front of the limo and country store.  One guy is blind and was wearing dark glasses so he posed as the driver with his cane touching the curb.  A fun trip.  We decided next time....a couple of girls and lap dances.

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Once when a Dos Equis commercial came on, I said "there's Boxx"!

My wife looked at me like I was odd, then I told her who Boxx was….she laughed.

giphy.gif

100 Most Interesting Man in the World Quotes

He gave his father "the talk"

His passport requires no photograph

When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value

Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died

His 5 de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March

His feet don't get blisters, but his shoes do

He once went to the psychic, to warn her

If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him

Whatever side of the tracks he's currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he'll still be on the right side

He can speak Russian... in French

He never says something tastes like chicken.. not even chicken

Superman has pijamas with his logo

His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries

The circus ran away to join him

Bear hugs are what he gives bears

He once brought a knife to a gunfight... just to even the odds

When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring

His friends call him by his name, his enemies don't call him anything because they are all dead

He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool

If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn't be dark

He once won a staring contest with his own reflection

He can kill two stones with one bird

His signature won a Pulitzer

When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he hears it

He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket

The dark is afraid of him

Sharks have a week dedicated to him

His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons

No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about his beard

He once made a weeping willow laugh

He lives vicariously through himself

His business card simply says 'I'll Call You"

He once taught a german shepherd how to bark in spanish

He bowls overhand

In museums, he is allowed to touch the art

He is allowed to talk about the fight club

He once won a fist fight, only using his beard

He once won the Tour-de-France, but was disqualified for riding a unicycle

A bird in his hand is worth three in the bush

His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph

The Holy Grail is looking for him

Roses stop to smell him

He once started a fire using only dental floss and water

His sweat is the cure for the common cold

Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him

Werewolves are jealous of his beard

He once turned a vampire into a vegetarian

He once won the world series of poker using UNO cards

He never wears a watch because time is always on his side

He has taught old dogs a variety of new tricks

He has won the lifetime achievement award... twice

If opportunity knocks, and he's not at home, opportunity waits

Batman watches Saturday morning cartoons about him

When he was young he once sent his parents to his room

He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels

His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body

His blood smells like cologne

On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.

His hands feel like rich brown suede

Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect

He is fluent in all languages, including three that he only speaks

Once while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut

Panhandlers give him money

When he goes to Spain, he chases the bulls

His shadow has been on the 'best dressed' list twice

When he holds a lady's purse, he looks manly

Two countries went to war to dispute HIS nationality

When in Rome, they do as HE does

His pillow is cool on BOTH sides

The Nobel Academy was awarded a prize from HIM

While swimming off the coast of Australia, he once scratched the underbelly of the Great White with his right han

He taught Chuck Norris martial arts

Time waits on no one, but him

Once he ran a marathon because it was "on the way"

His mother has a tattoo that says "Son"

The star on his Christmas tree is tracked by NASA

Presidents take his birthday off

His recipe for deviled eggs involves actual witchcraft

He has never walked into a spider web

He is left-handed. And right-handed

His shirts never wrinkle

The police often question him, just because they find him interesting

His organ donation card also lists his beard

He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders

His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him

Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores

Even his tree houses have fully finished basements

His garden maze is responsible for more missing persons than the Bermuda triangle

If he were to say something costs an arm and a leg, it would

He's never lost a game of chance

He is the life of parties that he has never attended

He was on a recent archaeological dig and came across prehistoric foot prints that lead out of Africa into all parts of the world. On close inspection, it turned out that the prints were his

He once caught the Loch Ness Monster….with a cane pole, but threw it back

His wallet is woven out of chupacabra leather

He played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded magnum, and won

Freemasons strive to learn HIS secret handshake

If he was to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume

He is considered a national treasure in countries he’s never visited

Cars look both ways for him, before driving down a street

He once tried to acquire a cold just to see what it felt like, but it didn’t take

He has inside jokes with people he’s never met.

 

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Poured another.  Ate a stalk of celery.

I had beef jerky. I'm cheap and it tastes good. Easy 96% ground beef, spices and the de-hydrater , dehydrator , that thing that dries out beef jerky

 

well, you’re a Navy man and I spent 20 in the Coast Guard. There is a phrase used to describe the food that I suspect you’ve heard ...

“how was chow…any good?"

“It’ll make a turd."

 

As a matter of fact I have used that once..........or twice; and then you hope it does

Edited by USNRET
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OK, third Turkey and soda, now wishing for something a bit more from Colorado than from the Dominican Republic.  Hope the winds of change blow through Texas soon.  I'd love to have shared one with Boxx, but the issue is that if he did I suspect he'd act a lot...like Boxx.  A person can only be so mellow, donchaknow.

 

Dave

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Springer on monitor w/sound off

 

OK, what the hell is a "Springer" on a monitor?

 

Dave

 

 

Jerry on TV?

 

if that’s true…somebody get up there quick and take all firearms and sharp objects away from Mark--he isn’t thinking clearly.   Quick Mark--crank up the volume a bit more. 

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One ahead of me Dave.....I'll try to catch up.  Anyone remember what Boxx's drink was.....besides Dos Equis?

Boxx was a wine aficionado I believe … not sure what his favorite bottle was.  If Tigerman stops by, he can answer that -- he and Boxx talked about wine often.

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