thebes Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 Basil Thebes here, Mssr. Thebes's cousin from across the pond. I've been mucking about with the odd valve, lifting the bonnet on the preamp, and fiddling about with the gramaphone. Now the gramophone's been a spot of bother. An icon of the British Empire don't you know. A Rega P3, RB 300 tonearm with that dashingly good looking glass platter. We may have abandoned Mr. Whitworth's scientific measurement scheme, but we still produce the odd invention now and then. However, since the cotton mills have shuttered we are somewhat lacking in record mats. We've been making do with platter mats reworked from the felt slippers used by powder monkeys on our old ships of the line. I do believe my particular felt mat began it's career in the Artemis, a 32 gun frigate commissioned in 1803. To put it bluntly I'm casting about for something more suitable in a mat. The current thing has a tendency to lift off with the record during dry weather. Of course, since we lost Singapore, rubber is out. Concerned about this new material, Sorbathane I think they call it. Can't quite fathom the utility of something that actually sticks to your records. Strikes me as somewhat gluey. So what do say chaps? 'Merican Thebes, dear cousin that he is, seems to think you colonials, er excuse me, habitants of these here Younited States, as he's wont to say, could lend a hand and provide an inspiration or two. I'm also quite sure my dearest companions Chelsea and Champagne would be ever most grateful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HarryO Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 HEY!!!. First things first you barmy brit, We won these here UNITED STATES from you in a fair scrap. Put it behind you once and for all. Whining Limeys any way. Have you considered a temporary adhesion before you return the felt to the deep six to join the rest of your ill gotten vessell? Just a thought here old fellow, maybe some bees wax or sililar sticky substance laying around in your second hand shrinking empire. Shouldn't attach permanently to the glass platter and properly dispersed might not be a balance issue. Sgt. Harry Watchurbutt formerly of the Colonial Marines at your service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfandbark Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 And another thing, Basil..... That Thebes was supposed to give us forum members sex ed classes a couple years ago and never followed thru... Something about some8 something arantz whatever spun him around. I'm waiting to be educated. I'm making puppies like Doans has little pills in the meantime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldbuckster Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Empire anti-static record mat ................... always worked well for me, and helped cut down static build-up ............... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islander Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Some DIY mats you could try:http://audio.innerurban.com/innerurban/audio/2007/08/top-3-record-mats-for-turntables.html Or if you insist on spending money:http://www.mapleshaderecords.com/audioproducts/recordcouplingsystem.php More food for thought:http://www.theanalogdept.com/platter_mats.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebes Posted December 21, 2007 Author Share Posted December 21, 2007 Oh Sir Harry, you're quite right of course. Nothing like a good stand up fight to clear the sinuses and the bileous vapors that arise from sedate living. I must say the beeswax approach never occured to me but perhaps this is a somewhat inelegant solution . I am also wondering if their are sonic benefits to be gained from utilizing a different mat. Although I am not inclined to expand a vast sum on such a minor experiment. Islander, a most helpful list of links and perhaps I could have one of the servants run up one two of them. A worthy endeavor for the lower classes to undertake. Ah young Arfanbark. I do believe the Professor did indeed provide such a lecture in his "Never Solder While Drunk" thread. Ah yes here's the reference: Ah yes Safe Sex. I’ll get to your specific questions in a moment Travis, butfirst a little background on the historical origins of safe sex is in order. Safe Sex started like many things during the golden age ofGreece. Various philosophers observed thatsex among men and women almost invariably resulted in the production of babiesand postulated that sex between men almost completely eliminated this sideeffect. This system worked very well until one day Plato was heardto exclaim “I’ve got to get me some”. This publicly expressed carnal yearningcreated a schism of sorts among the Greeks and soon resulted in the developmentof different schools of thought such as the Sophists, the Cynics, The Liberacesand my personal favorite the Wisenheimers. Although the safe sex movement in Greece had resulted inwonderful statues glorifying the “Greek Ideal’ the various bickering of theseschools of thought fractured Grecian harmony and led to their absorption by theRomans. Now the Romans never practiced safe sex and over time thisresulted in total moral rot, the collapse of their empire and the rise of theMiddle Ages. During the Middle Ages, the preferred method of safe sex wassomething called a “chastity belt”. This device was also known as the "Iron Maiden”. It did not work very well but the overalleffect of women wearing a heavy iron truss for months on end did result inunsightly broad hips and a consequent diminution of the production of babies. Then along came the Renaissance where little safe sex waspracticed until the rise of the religious movement calledCalvinandHobbsinists. They practicedsafe sex by hitting people up side of the heads with big honkin bibles. Now to the modern era of safe sex which was a directoutgrowth of the rejection of the excess of “The Flappers” during the RoaringTwenties. The scanty clothing worn by these ladies plus their tribal rights ofdancing (The Lindey Hop and the Charleston) resulted in a movement to applymodern scientific methodology such as the “I Got Rhythm” method, The Pilloryand the most successful methodology: golf. Now as to the specifics of your questions, Travis, I haveconsulted with Professor Tickles andMistress Professor Tawny and will answer your questions as postulated. 1. What is the maximum speed one should be driving while havingsex? Tickles: “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Tawny: “Get your sorry butt over tothe passenger side and I’ll show you how fast I can make this baby go” Thebes: “A sedate 18 miles per hourshould do it 2. What is the maximum height one should attempt the act withoutusing a net? Tickles: “Trampolines, I just lovetrampolines..Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Tawny: “This is a bungee cord. This is a very tall bridge. Over we gooooooooooooo… Thebes: “No higher than the kitchen counter” 3. Under what situations would you recommend wearing ahelmet? No not that kind, the kind that you strap on under your chin. Tickles: “Well I was visiting my Uncle Armstrongup on the space station recently and I found that wearing a helmet kept my headfrom hitting the ceiling, or was it the floor? I should have put helmets on myhigh heels because one got stuck in something, which broke, and now the stationdoesn’t fly right and they asked me to leave. Oh this also helps answer question #2.” Tawny: “For some reason Thebes always wears ahelmet when we are getting frisky Thebes: “In the shower or within a half mile ofTawny” He was a legend in hi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Dee Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Pardon me, but would you have any Grey Poupon? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mallette Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 > I must say the beeswax approach never occured to me but perhaps this is a somewhat inelegant solution . Indeed. I tried it but there was this awful buzzing sound... Max: Please don't kick Martin out of the Taverna onto the street with the rest of us next time he has a snootful. Just put him to bed... Your O'bnt Srvnt, Dave OBE., MFA, NRA, and BFD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfandbark Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 Basil, Please accept my most sincere apologies for assuming Thebes had not written the guidelines for safe sex without me performing the proper research beforehand. I cannot help but think the nefarious Jacksonbart didn't have a hand in leading me down the path of unreasonably quick and wrongful decisions. Again, I must reiterate that if I follow these threads to thier cumulation I would be much more knowledgable and reduce most of the redundancy that I seem to create. I will certainly be more observant in the future. In the meantime, ask Thebes if Bob Barker gives grants to desex oversized canine families. Most Humbly, ARF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebes Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 Basil here again. I'm a trifle miffed don't you know. I dare say if this is an example of how a forum works it's no wonder why we read about the Greeks in our history books instead of meet with them across a cup of tea. I've posed a question or two but still there appears to be no consensus, or even steady on advice to the question at hand, to wit, will an upgraded platter mat yield a sonic improvement. Perhaps I was mislead by "Merican Thebes, and this place is inhabitated solely by rotters, rather than discerning gentlemen attuend to the nuances of the finer things in life. Say there chaps could use a spot of help here. Those delectable and delicious paragons of the Empire, Champagne and Chelsea are decidedly unhappy. The moues and frowns on their aristocratically chiseled faces are most unsettling. They've shown their displeasure by wearing those dreary floor length ensembles worn during the Victoria era. Yes, the tightly drawn corsets add a certain dimension to their figures, but I did so like there latest fashion, a revival motif featuring white go-go boots and miniskirts. So what do you say lads. Give us a bit of Lend Lease here, say wot? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacksonbart Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Well I have on my bobby dazzlers and want to get banjo’d, but don’t have a quid to my name as it’s a banko. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZAKO Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 Here in Ruskie land we solved the felt mat problem by nailing the mat down with ten inch spikes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Lindsey Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 Here's the one I use on my Thorens, and I'm very pleased with it. http://herbiesaudiolab.home.att.net/ttmat.htm Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebes Posted January 2, 2008 Author Share Posted January 2, 2008 Ah Master Lindsey, a most illuminated recommendation. A reasonable price for such an experiment. I do think I'll give it a try. Ta, ta and cheerios! Basil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxg Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 By Jove Basil - what a terrible tale of woe unbounded. So the TT is out of sorts is it? I noticed from an entirely cursory glance through your missive that you neglect to mention the cartridge thingamabob attached to the end of the arm. Might that not be the source of your troubles? One hesitates to mention but I have found that these arms are somewhat fussy when it comes to the cartridges they mate with (and who can blame them?) but from the sounds of your issues it would appear to be somewhat similar to the strange case of the "Grado Dance" wherein an entirely unsuitable type (towit one grado) was mated to an arm such as yours and proceed to jig and dally about like whirling dervish. Definitely not the sort of ballywho one wants on a gramophone, of course. Just a thought - 'course a nice mat can't hurt but I would wager the cartridge is the primary culprit here. Come to that - how old is the aforementioned cart. They dont last forever you know - not like back in the day of the Raj. Back when I was a lad they were handed down from father to son....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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