As you mentioned, the sub is just there to extend the speakers' low-frequency response.
Without a meter, start with the sub hi-cut at 120 Hz for small main speakers or 80Hz for big main speakers. Set the volume so bass instruments sound natural and you won't be far off. Set the phase at reverse to start with, but whichever setting gives you more bass is the correct setting. You may find that TV and movies have more bass content these days than they used to, and now you'll be hearing it.
Ideally, though, you'll have a test CD and a sound meter. I use Surround Test CD, a Finnish CD meant for setting up Dolby Pro Logic (4.1) systems, but its most useful feature for me is a set of 25-second-long test tones, from 200Hz down to 10Hz.
First, I turn off the sub and run through the tones with the meter at the listening position, writing them all down, to see what the unassisted speakers do. Start at 200Hz with the volume at a reference level (I use 80dB), and see if it remains there as the frequency descends. You may be surprised to find that even large speakers may start to roll off at 80Hz or higher. The room is a big factor at low frequencies.
Then, turn on the sub and run through the tones again. For volume, 9 or 10 o'clock (3 or 4 on the dial if it has numbers) is a good starting point, and try around 80Hz as a hi-cut setting. If you can adjust the low-frequency cut-off from the amp, that's simpler, just set the sub's cut-off as high as it goes (usually 120-150Hz).
If the volume remains near the reference level all the way down, you're all set! Likely it won't be. If it's low or high between 30-80Hz, adjust the sub volume as needed. If it's lower or higher than the reference level between 80-120Hz or so, adjust the sub hi-cut (or receiver LFE lo-cut) for the smoothest response, with the fewest dips and peaks.
Naturally, your ears are the final judges, but narrow dips and peaks are easiest to spot with a meter. After you've run through the tones a few times, it'll seem pretty straightforward. Hope this is helpful.
Pat on the Island