RIP CBGB & HST Very sad week

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CBGB Last Hurrah?

By Wes Phillips

February 21, 2005 CBGB, the legendary Bowery club frequently cited as the birthplace of America's punk movement, is the latest in a growing list of urban nightclubs getting priced out of the neighborhoods they helped create. According to a February 11 article in The Village Voice, CBGB's lease will end in August, and its landlord wants to see the club's monthly rent increase from $20,000 to $40,000.

That's not unreasonable in a neighborhood where new retail space rents for $55/square foot, but CBGB owner Hilly Krystal points out that the monthly nut, not to mention his $80,000 yearly liability insurance, would make it virtually impossible for the club to turn a profit. "I'd have to charge a lot more for drinksfor admissionand I just don't know if it would be worth it to people."

In the early 1970s, when CBGB had a monthly rent of $600, Krystal decided the venue needed a change in musical direction from the folk-inflected music th

at gave it its name. (It stands for country, bluegrass, bluesactually, the club's complete name was CBGB/OMFUG, with the other letters standing for "other music for uplifting gormandizers.") The club soon became the scenemaker for the nascent punk/art rock movement as acts like Television, the Ramones, Talking Heads, Blondie, and Patti Smith made it their first step on the escalator to fame and fortune.

When The Bottom Line was shuttered by New York University for non-payment of rent, it became a cause celébre with write-in campaigns, calls for benefit concerts, and expressions of outrage from the rock community. This is a very different situation, however. CBGB has remained a going concern. Yes, it's a seedy dive, but it has a great PAI recently had a New York drummer/audiophile tell me that one of the biggest thrills in his life was the first time he heard his band's sound at a CBGB soundcheck. Bands are still proud to list a gig at CBGB on their CVs. (I have to admit that the last time I went to a show at CBGBearlier this month, actuallyI suspected the venue made more money from its gift shop than the gate, which was, as always, heavily padded with NY critics.)

CBGB's closing is not an isolated case, either. Other New York clubs that have recently closed, or are about to close, due to rent increases include Fez (in the basement of Time Café) and Luna Lounge. Tonic, another downtown mainstay, is also feeling the pinch. Its rent has doubled since it opened in 1998 and insurance has more than tripled since the 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center.

Of course, New York has seen this cycle beforeprobably many times since the Dutch originally settled in to stay. Fez's Ellen Cavolina Porter reminded The Village Voice that the folk scene that established Greenwich Village as a destination for late '50s hipsters suffered the same fate. "MacDougal Streetused to have a club every 30 yards. All the reasons that people used to have to want to live in the Village don't really exist here any more."

This, of course, is the real tragedy. Music has always sprung up from its community, and when communities no longer have spaces where it can flourish, it withers. That makes us all the poorer for it.

________________________________

By Hunter S. Thompson

The death of professional hockey in AMERICA is a nasty omen for people

with heavy investments in NHL teams. But to me, it meant little or

nothing -- and that's why I called Bill Murray with an idea that would

change both our lives forever.

It was 3:30 on a dark Tuesday morning when I heard the phone ring on

his personal line in New Jersey. "Good thinking," I said to myself as

I fired up a thin Cohiba. "He's bound to be wide awake and crackling

at this time of day, or at least I can leave a very excited message."

My eerie hunch was right. The crazy bugger picked up on the fourth

ring, and I felt my heart racing. "Hot damn!" I thought. "This is how

empires are built." Late? I know not late.

Genius round the world stands hand in hand, and one shock of

recognition runs the whole circle round.

Herman Melville said that in the winter of 1914, and Murray is keenly

aware of it. Only a madman would call a legend of Bill Murray's

stature at 3:33 a.m. for no good reason at all. It would be a

career-ending move, and also profoundly rude.

But my reason was better than good ...

* * * * *

BILL: "Hello?"

HST: "Hi, Bill, it's Hunter."

BILL: "Hi, Hunter."

HST: "Are you ready for a powerful idea? I want to ask you about golf

in Japan. I understand they're building vertical driving ranges on top

of each other."

BILL (sounding strangely alert): "Yes, they have them outdoors, under roofs ..."

HST: "I've seen pictures. I thought they looked like bowling alleys

stacked on top of each other."

BILL: (Laughs.)

HST: "I'm working on a profoundly goofy story here. It's wonderful.

I've invented a new sport. It's called Shotgun Golf. We will rule the

world with this thing."

BILL: "Mmhmm."

HST: "I've called you for some consulting advice on how to launch it.

We've actually already launched it. Last spring, the Sheriff and I

played a game outside in the yard here. He had my Ping Beryllium

9-iron, and I had his shotgun, and about 100 yards away, we had a

linoleum green and a flag set up. He was pitching toward the green.

And I was standing about 10 feet away from him, with the

alley-sweeper. And my objective was to blow his ball off course, like

a clay pigeon."

BILL: (Laughs.)

HST: "It didn't work at first. The birdshot I was using was too small.

But double-aught buck finally worked for sure. And it was fun."

BILL: (Chuckles.)

HST: "OK, I didn't want to wake you up, but I knew you'd want to be in

on the ground floor of this thing."

BILL: (Silence.)

HST: "Do you want to discuss this tomorrow?"

BILL: "Sure."

HST: "Excellent."

BILL: "I think I might have a queer dream about it now, but ..." (Laughs.)

HST: "This sport has a HUGE future. Golf in America will soon come to this."

BILL: "It will bring a whole new meaning to the words 'Driving Range'."

HST: "Especially when you stack them on top of each other. I've seen

it in Japan."

BILL: "They definitely have multi-level driving ranges. Yes."

HST: (Laughs.) "How does that work? Do they have extremely high ceilings?"

BILL: "No. The roof above your tee only projects out about 10 feet,

and they have another range right above you. It's like they took the

façade off a building. People would be hanging out of their offices."

By Hunter S. Thompson

HST: "I see. It's like one of those original Hyatt Regency Hotels.

Like an atrium. In the middle of the building you could jump straight

down into the lobby?"

BILL: "Exactly like that!"

HST: "It's like people driving balls from one balcony to the next."

BILL: (Laughs.) "Yes, they could."

HST: "I could be on the eighth floor and you on the sixth? Or on the

fifteenth. And we'd be driving across a lake."

BILL: "They have flags out every 150 yards, every 200 yards, every 250

yards. It's just whether you are hitting it at ground level, or from

five stories up."

HST: "I want to find out more about this. This definitely has a future to it."

BILL: "They have one here in the city -- down at Chelsea Pier."

HST: "You must have played a lot of golf in Japan."

BILL: "Not much; I just had one really great day of golf. I worked

most of the time. But I did play one beautiful golf course. They have

seasonal greens, two different types of grass. It's really beautiful."

HST: "Well, I'm writing a column for ESPN.com and I want to know if

you like my new golf idea. A two-man team."

BILL: "Well, with all safety in mind, yes. Two-man team? Yeah! That

sounds great. I think it would create a whole new look. It would

create a whole new clothing line."

HST: "Absolutely. You'll need a whole new wardrobe for this game."

BILL: "Shooting glasses and everything."

HST: "We'll obviously have to make a movie. This will mushroom or

mutate -- either way -- into a real craze. And given the mood of this

country, being that a lot of people in the mood to play golf are also

in the mood to shoot something, I think it would take off like a

gigantic fad."

BILL: "I think the two-man team idea would be wonderful competition

and is something the Ryder Cup would pick up on."

HST: "I was talking with the Sheriff about it earlier. But in one-man

competition, I'd have to compete against you, say, in both of the arts

-- the shooting AND the golfing. But if you do the Ryder Cup, you'd

have to have the clothing line first. I'm going to write about this

for ESPN tonight. I'm naming you and the Sheriff as the founding

consultants."

BILL: "Sounds good."

HST: "OK, I'll call you tomorrow. And by the way, I'll see if I can

twist some arms and get you an Oscar. But I want a Nobel Prize in

return."

BILL: "Well, we can work together on this. This is definitely a team

challenge." (Laughing.)

HST: "OK. We'll talk tomorrow."

BILL: "Good night."

So there it is. Shotgun Golf will soon take America by storm. I see it

as the first truly violent leisure sport. Millions will crave it.

* * * * *

Shotgun Golf was invented in the ominous summer of 2004 AD, right here

at the Owl Farm in Woody Creek, Colo. The first game was played

between me and Sheriff Bob Braudis, on the ancient Bomb & Shooting

Range of the Woody Creek Rod & Gun Club. It was witnessed by many

members and other invited guests, and filmed for historical purposes

by Dr. Thompson on Super-Beta videotape.

The game consists of one golfer, one shooter and a field judge. The

purpose of the game is to shoot your opponent's high-flying golf ball

out of the air with a finely-tuned 12-gauge shotgun, thus preventing

him (your opponent) from lofting a 9-iron approach shot onto a distant

"green" and making a "hole in one." Points are scored by blasting your

opponent's shiny new Titleist out of the air and causing his shot to

fail miserably. That earns you two points.

By Hunter S. Thompson

But if you miss and your enemy holes out, he (or she) wins two points

when his ball hits and stays on the green.

And after that, you trade places and equipment, and move on to round 2.

My patent is pending, and the train is leaving the station, and Murray

is a Founding Consultant, along with the Sheriff, and Keith Richards,

etc., etc. Invest now or forever hold your peace.

* * * * *

As for Bill's triumphant finish at Pebble Beach, I am almost insanely

proud of him. He is an elegant athlete in the finest Murray tradition.

Bill is a dangerous brute with the fastest reflexes in Hollywood, but

he is suave, and that is why I trust him even more than I trust all

his brothers. Yes, I say Hallelujah, praise Jesus. Where is Brian? I

will need him for this golf project, if only to offset Bill's

*****iness. We will march on a road of bones.

OK. Back to business. It was Bill Murray who taught me how to mortify

your opponents in any sporting contest, honest or otherwise. He taught

me my humiliating PGA fadeaway shot, which has earned me a lot of

money ... after that, I taught him how to swim, and then I introduced

him to the shooting arts, and now he wins everything he touches.

Welcome to the future of America. Welcome to Shotgun Golf.

So long and Mahalo.

Hunter.

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson was born and raised in Louisville, Ky. His

books include "Hell's Angels," "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," "Fear

and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72," "The Great Shark Hunt," "The

Curse of Lono," "Generation of Swine," "Songs of the Doomed,"

"Screwjack," "Better Than Sex," "The Proud Highway," "The Rum Diary,"

and "Fear and Loathing in America." His latest book, "Kingdom of

Fear," has just been released. A regular contributor to various

national and international publications, Thompson now lives in a

fortified compound near Aspen, Colo. His column, "Hey, Rube," appears

regularly on Page 2.