Think About It!

[thebes]

It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than

just a social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I

knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and

finally I was thinking all the time.> I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and > confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off

the TV and asked my husband about the meaning of life. Hespent that night

at his mother's. I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss

called me in.

He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your> thinking

has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation

with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

I know you've been thinking," he said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," he said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as

much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if

you keep on> thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and he began to cry.

I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the

door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, wih NPR > on

the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors

... they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass,whimpering for> Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining> your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the> standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a> recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.> Life just seemed ... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. Soon,> I will be able to vote Republican.

_________________________________________________________________

> From must-see cities to the best beaches, plan a getaway with the

Spring Travel Guide!

[WMcD]

There may be a 12 step program to stop thinking. If there is a thinking elephant in the living room, you know you have a problem.

But any thinking man knows that 12 steps are not enough. Consider the permutations.

In any event, you must be prepared to apologize to anyone you've hurt by your uncontrolled thinking. One thought is too much and many thoughts are not enough. This is the root of the problem.

So please stop thinking.

I confess, I'm a thinker. There is a Bose radio tuned to NPR, an Encyclopedia Britanica, and Harry Olsen's work on Acoustical Engineering, in a closet. Every day I tell myself I don't have to never go there, only not go there today.

Anon.

[cwm]

It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than

just a social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I

knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and

finally I was thinking all the time.> I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and > confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off

the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night

at her mother's. I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss

called me in.

He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your> thinking

has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation

with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as

much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if

you keep on> thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry.

I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the

door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, wih Mike Imus > on

the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors

... they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass,whimpering for> Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining> your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the> standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a> recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.> Life just seemed ... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. Soon,> I will be able to vote democrat.

[thebes]

Geez William now I have a headache!

[jt1stcav]

...A penny for your thoughts!