bhendrix Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 New Stock Market Terms CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer BULL MARKET– A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET– a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING– The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER – What my financial planner has made me. STANDARD & POOR– Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST– Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT– When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. MARKET CORRECTION– The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS– What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR– Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgoreck Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Here are a few more. 201/K": What used to be your 401/K, but cut in at least half. "IPO": The acronym that one yells when they see their brokerage accounts or discover the balance of the 201/K. "I’m Pissed Off!" Market Sell-off": Daily news reports. "Market Crash": The last sound of Alec Baldwin jumping out of the window at the end of this SNL commercial. "Market Rally": A church vigil for investors praying for this stock market selling to end. "Bailout": What investors have been doing for weeks and weeks. "Credit Default Swap": When you trade canceled credit cards with your friends and family. "Treasury Bill": $700 billion to $3 trillion that your kids will have to pay for this mess, plus interest. "Financial Adviser": Bookie. "Hedge Fund": The money, jewelry, and silver coins you buried in your back yard or stuck in a safe. "Underwriter": That creepy guy that works for the funeral home. "Stock Split": What you think happened with your shares when you see the share price each week. But it didn’t split. "52-Week Low": How you feel each new day when you get home. "TARP": What you sleep under after you lost your job, car, and house. "Going Private": Telling your friends you are out of the stock market but aren’t really out. "Private Equity": What Eliot Spitzer got in trouble over. "Poison Pill": What investors want to take when they see their 201/K balance. "Blue Chip": The color of your skin around that broken piece of knuckle you got slamming your first into your desk or keyboard. "Penny Stock": Former DJIA and S&P 500 index components that have been kicked out of the index. "Socialism": The new-age definition of Free Market Capitalism "Recession": A mild downturn in the economy where some friends and neighbors become jobless. "Depression": A mild downturn in the economy that has now turnedhorrible, and now you are jobless along with friends and neighbors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 somehow... not funny...[] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill H. Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Remember the term from the 70's Totally FAB = Fabulous 2009 version - FAB = Flat *** Broke........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audible Nectar Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 The two most popular banks as of today: SealyBank PosturePedic Bank Other Terms: Sleep Number: The numerical value of the market at which point you transfer funds to the above two banks. CraftMatic Adjustable Rate: The increase in mortgage rate which dictates withdrawal from the above two banks. Bank Under Water: Similar to the above two banks, with a water mattress (Not to be confused with PriceWaterhouseCoopers). IndyMac Bank: Investments in Indy based Klipsch products (as well as vintage Mac), which will probably hold value better than most investments these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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