damn cats!

[kenratboy]

LOL!!!

[prodj101]

lol, I have old yeller. good movie.

[kenratboy]

Poor ol' Yeller...

[BBB]

Can't we all just get along?

[justin_tx_16]

the picture must first be put on the net before you can put it in a thread. email it to me if you don't know how to do it

[justin_tx_16]

Ok, I just can not help myself!

[RangerSix]

Well, that settles it. No more BOSE bashing!

Think of the puppies!

[cluless]

Whoa Bugsie-

I'm not sure if I WANT to see the picture you were trying to post! Somehow I don't think that I'ts one of Justin's pre-school "babes".

Fort Bragg Strange Illness Affects Military

Various branches of the armed services are reporting the emergence of a strange new syndrome, Camouflagia Nervousa, which is affecting military personnel nationwide. This affliction seems to affect primarily the male population of the military, however no cases have yet been reported from the Corps of Army Interior Decorators.

Symptoms include a strong aversion to cats smaller than 150 lbs, a tendency towards monosyllabic dialog, inappropriate scratching in public, and most commonly, stalking small animals in full camouflage with high powered rifles equipped with night scopes. Medical professionals are suggesting the cause of this affliction may be dietary, due to the high percentage of animal protein in the military diet. Special units of "Kitty Kounselors" have been brought into military bases which have a high incidence of Camouflagia Nervousa, and are using an experimental behavior modification program to correct this problem. Hands on, cat appreciation sessions had to be discontinued, due to the high number of "accidental" casualties among the cats used.

Somewhere In OhioOregon -

A Software Engineer was arrested today for "Pig Sticking". Animal control attempted to bring the pig into protective custody early last week, but were unable to locate the animal. According to neighbors, there was pig roast on the engineer's property, last weekend. Officials were aghast at the neighbors lack of concern of the welfare of the pet pig and their only response was "Hell, we couldn't even think, the music was so loud". Additional charges are pending for noise pollution, building without a permit, and minor violations of USDA codes.

Young Inventor Makes Millions

High school student invents Cat BeGone (patent pending), a unique animal control product that prevents small animals (especially cats) from jumping on furniture and inadvertently causing damage with their claws. The young inventor, was replacing a tube in his home-made amplifier, and unintentionally created a force field which seemed to fill the room down to about 2 feet off the floor. All cats seem to have an aversion to this field and will not cross into it's space. Pictures of this device are not available at this time.

[Curmudgeon]

For all the cat-lovers out there (I have 4 of 'em) here's something to serve your dog-loving acquaintances. They're especially good for Halloween parties!

CAT POOP COOKIES!

(Author Unknown)

Here, by popular request (believe it or not) is the recipe for the

infamous disgusting cookies that look like cats poops

(rolled in grape-nuts, which makes lovely fake kitty litter.)

There are two flavors-chocolate (dark brown) and gingerbread (light

brown).

The author seldom measured carefully, so the amounts may need

adjustment, especially on flavoring. The cookies are dense and

not very sweet, this is necesssary so that they will keep their

shape during baking. If you use white flour or sugar, they may

be tastier but they won't look like poopies.

Chocolate ingredients:

1/2 cup honey

2/3 cup (1 and 1/3 stick) butter, margarine, or lard

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla or peppermint extract

2 cups whole wheat flour

1/3 cup cocoa powder

grape-nuts cereal

Gingerbread ingredients:

1/4 cup honey

1/4 cup molasses

2/3 cup(1 and 1/3 stick) butter or margarine, or lard

1 egg

2 and 1/3 cups whole wheat flour

spices-ginger, cinnamon, cloves to taste (maybe 1/2 tsp each)

grape-nuts cereal

Mix-ins:

Coconut = tapeworms

Chocolate chips = poop chunks!

Butterscotch chips = diarrhea!

Peanut butter chips = diarrhea!

Cooked spagetti or ramen noodles = roundworms

Corn = self explanatory!

Peanuts = chunks

M&Ms = decoration?

To Make:

Microwave the honey till it bubbles (about 1 minute). Add the

butter, (I've been told using lard makes for a more realistic

texture and softer cookie) and the molasses, if any. Add the

egg, mix well, then mix in all the other stuff.

Add mix-ins of your choice to some or all of the batter.

Chill 1 hour in the freezer or several hours in the fridge.

Roll dough logs of random length and the diameter of cat poops.

Roll logs in grape-nuts and bake at 350 degrees till done

(about 20 minutes, but this varies so watch them.)

Serve in a disposable cat litter box on a bed of grapenuts, with

a cat litter scoop. I hear you get lovely effects by decorating

the box and scoop with melted chocolate or pudding. Brown sugar

might work as a substitute for the new clumping litters...

Mixing brown sugar with the grapenuts "sweetens up the cookie a

bit while still looking truly hideous."

[RangerSix]

I see someone's subscription to the National Enquirer is still current. I recall seeing those articles right under the main headline "My wife just gave birth to an Alien".

[BBB]

Say Ranger. Most people dont care if you make fun of one of our countries most valuable sources of intergalactic news and commentary but you should try to get your quotes straight before posting them on the forum. I was personally involved in that story and I know for a fact that the front page headline was:

"MY EX-wife just gave birth to an alien"

[cluless]

YIIIIKKKKKKEEEESSS.

Bubba...You signing up in the role as "proud pappa?"

[kenratboy]

Man, this thread is trippin'!!!

[cluless]

Teen Inventor Loses Grip

The young inventor of CatBeGone, a revolutionary new pet control product, has succumbed to mental illness. Friends and family became very concerned when the teen would spend hours in his room, sniffing plastic bags and playing with his tubes. His mother originally thought the boy had a drug problem and was huffing aerosol products. Upon further investigation she realized that the bags contained speaker wires and assorted electronic devices. She also discovered that he had developed a strong urge to chew Styrofoam and other packing materials. In tears, she gave the following statement to the press .If it was just drugs, sex, and rock-n-roll, I could understand but this is so bizarre..sob..sobI cant even face my friends sob. The young teen has been under observation at Washingtons Psychological Institute for about 2 weeks, and doctors state the prognosis is not good.

Scrapple Man Files Maternity Suit

Renown Scrapple icon Bubba Bugsy Beauregard III, began legal proceedings against his ex-wife in the first maternity suit to ever reach the Pennsylvania court system. In this unprecedented action, he states not only did his wife give birth to an alien, but that she is not the true biological mother of this creature. The alien in question, vaguely resembles a cross between a space ship and a Portuguese man-o-war, with the exception of rabbit like ears. When questioned as to the paternity of the alien offspring Buggsys only comment was Vrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooommmmmmmmm.

Marilyn Monroe Wig Missing From Museum

Hollywoods Museum of the Stars reported the recent theft of Marilyn Monroes wig last week. Curators report that a young man and an older gentleman wearing overalls were repeatedly warned about touching the museum displays only hours before the wig was discovered to be missing. Among the fingerprints obtained from the remaining display items are those of the notorious computer hacker Ju$tin Ju$tin was the key suspect in last years Louvre Painting Investigation, whereby the paintings by the old masters were replaced by scrambled computer generated images. The most infamous of these is the one where Venus di Milo was substituted for the farmers wife in American Gothic. No charges were ever brought against Ju$tin, due to the fact that he was a minor at the time and authorities were able to substantiate that he was responsible for the crime.

[m00n]

----------------

On 10/6/2002 9:34:49 AM cluless wrote

Somewhere In

Ohio

Oregon

-

A Software Engineer was arrested today for "Pig Sticking". Animal control attempted to bring the pig into protective custody early last week, but were unable to locate the animal. According to neighbors, there was pig roast on the engineer's property, last weekend. Officials were aghast at the neighbors lack of concern of the welfare of the pet pig and their only response was "Hell, we couldn't even think, the music was so loud". Additional charges are pending for noise pollution, building without a permit, and minor violations of USDA codes.

----------------

Pft... I am telling you, I was the victim not that peice of pork. Besides, he ended up getting a good home. She gave him to a farm where he could frolik under an apple tree.

(I wanted to eat that bastrud)

[RangerSix]

----------------

On 10/7/2002 1:46:28 PM m00n wrote:

Pft... I am telling you,

I

was the victim not that peice of pork. Besides, he ended up getting a good home. She gave him to a farm where he could frolik under an apple tree.

----------------

Yeah ... to the farm. Hee Hee

----------------

I wanted to eat that bastrud

----------------

Oops ... too late!

[BBB]

Lost Angeles Rags and Crusader Rabbit Yellow Paper Headlines.

Tons of Testers Tubes found in Baggie distribution depot

Life Found on Earth! a Marvin the Martian Exclusive.

Klipsch Convention Set for Start of Indy 500

Mall Bangs Adopted as the New Military Haircut

Mad Magazine & Warner Bro file Joint Lawsuit Against Klipsch Forum

Dog Mistakes Man for Cat. Devours Master in Utility Closet.

United Parcel buys Denon and Onkyo in Hostile Delivery Takeover

New Alien Life Form conceived while Timing 3 Minute Egg

Snoop Dogg has no Bones about being New Klipsch Spokesman

Cayman Islands Launches Massive Computer Hacking Investigation

Car Trunk Subwoofers Linked to Brain Cancer

Bunny Burgers New Menu Item at Scrabble Based Fast Food Chain

Rabbit joins Moran, Siegel and Malone in Bugs Hall of Insane

Commander Surprised by Exxon Tiger in his Tank

AMPZILLA Latest Weapon in US Arsenal

Bose Wave Radio is years X-mas Bonus for Merrill Lynch Employees"

Klipsch Includes Animated Avatars with New Reference Series

[cluless]

Portland man awaits Pig Sticking trial

In spite of his vehement denials, Moon CEO of Lunar Software Inc. has been formally charged for the capital crime of Pig Sticking. Portland authorities discovered that Moon had recently submitted a number of recipes, including one for Pot Bellied Pig Strata, to Jimmie Deans Home Cooking Newsletter. The chief of Portland police, stated In itself the recipes arent to damning, It was the before and after photos that made the case. Members of the Pot Bellied Porkers Protectorate are demonstrating outside the Portland jail complex where Moon awaits trial.

United Parcel buys Denon and Onkyo in Hostile Delivery Takeover

As part of the UPS takeover of Denon and Onkyo, a new receiver line called Donkyo is expected to hit Hi Fi stores just before the Christmas shopping rush. A huge advertising campaign will introduce the Donkyo as a Kick *** receiver. In an attempt to reduce costs, the Donkyo receivers will not have a remote control or a users manual, and all buttons and knobs will not be labeled. According to a UPS spokesman the reasoning behind these features were: Consumer polls indicated that no one could understand the Denon Manual, so we just decided to eliminate it; there was an alarming number of casualties due to remote controls being hurled out of windows, the lawsuits were getting out of hand; also, we wanted the Donkyo to be the first product line to reflect our new User Hostile, ergonomically incorrect design criteria. The new Donkyo receivers can be ordered via the internet and will be drop kicked to any location in the US and Canada.

Tons of Testers Tubes found in Baggie distribution depot

Federal Authorities are investigating the discovery of a cache of amplifier tubes discovered at the Baggie distribution depot yesterday. Certain deviant militant groups including the Circuit Sniffers Alliance, Electronics Olfactory Appreciators and the splinter group Polydactl Children of Polychlorinated Biphenyl Fume Purveyors considered to be the focus of the investigation. Recently, a media blitz has surrounded the institutionalization of P.Roj teen millionaire and inventor, and a cult following among young audio enthusiasts has emerged. Speaker Sniffing has reached epidemic proportions nation-wide and mental health facilites are over-run and are requesting federal assistance to set up out patient tr*****nt centers. Schools across the nation have had to re-calibrate their metal detectors to recognize various speaker components and baggies are listed among contraband items not allowed on public property.

LOL t-r-e-a-t-m-e-n-t got flagged ....could it have been the e-a-t-m-e in the middle?

[maxg]

"Polydactl Children of Polychlorinated Biphenyl Fume Purveyors " - Wow!!

Anyway if I remember correctly having read through this entire thread the post was about keeping pets away from the subwoofer.

Methinks the solution lies in the subwoofer itself. Cue up the loudest bass Cd you have and leave it on pause. turn the volume up high and wait for said cat/dog/whatever to approach the speaker with malicious intent.

Then press "play".

Even a particularly stupid feline will find somewhere else after 4 or 5 goes.

I am lucky in that my dogs are only ever in the living room when I am, and therefore almost always when the stereo is playing. They give the sub a wide berth - even at very low volumes. I dont think the majority of household pets like deep bass.

[BBB]

I almost missed the censored line. I was too busy chowing down (eating) on some PCB coated Devil Dogs after spending 48 straight hours trying to build my Revel model of the space shuttle in a bottle.I'll be Glad to Bag this project.