O/T: Silly Jokes

[edwinr]

The first one...

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a
while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to
sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're
single. Just let it go.."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality,
whispering "Dave you're a vet".

And the second one...

A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the club's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.

She proclaims, "I want to join your club."

The biker was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep...my bike's parked over there," and points to a Harley in the driveway.

The biker asks, "Do you drink?"

The little ole lady replies, "Yep ...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."

The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs a day and a couple of cigars in the evening when I am shooting pool."

The biker is very impressed and asks Last Question.

"Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by the nipples."

Okay, one more...

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.<?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = U1 />

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife.

Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it's three in the morning and it's pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?" "I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

[dbflash]

1 and 3 get my vote.

Danny

[Flason]

Gertrude, Maude, and Audrey

Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Audrey were sitting on a park

bench having a conversation, when a flasher approached from across the

park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of

them, and to their shock and dismay, opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke

But Audrey, being older and a bit more feeble, couldn't reach

that far.