travisc Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold >>> > Monday >>> > morning. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly >>> > neither of them are hurt. >>> > >>> > God works in mysterious ways. >>> > >>> > After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. >>> > That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars, there's >>> > nothing left of them, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God >>> > that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the >>> > rest of our days." >>> > >>> > Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely; >>> > this >>> > must be a sign from God!" >>> > >>> > The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My >>> > car >>> > is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely >>> > God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." >>> > >>> > Then she hands the bottle to the man. >>> > >>> > The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, >>> > and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and >>> > immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. >>> > >>> > The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" >>> > >>> > The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...." >>> > >>> > MORAL OF THE STORY: >>> > Women are clever and evil. >>> > Don't mess with them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travisc Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 i got this too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPPgVNxgDGU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Me Loves Khorns Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 love those car wrecks. Really stupid to jump out to try to stop the cars. Paul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauln Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 In a city park there is a beautiful statue of a naked young couple - man and woman holding each other in a frozen embrace. A passing angel stops to admire the statue and decides to break the rules a little and bring them to life for 20 minutes. He does so, and tells them they are free to do what ever they want for 20 minutes. They clasp hands and race off into the woods. The angel hears wild peals of laughter and joy; so waits until they return 20 minutes later looking quite pleased with themselves. The angel says, "Time's up, back on the pedestal." The woman urges the angel, "Oh, please give us 20 more minutes, please! We were not quite finished and I missed my turn". The angel, reflects knowingly and gives in saying "OK". As they run back into the woods laughing the angel hears the woman shouts gleefully to the man, "OK. Now this time its your turn to hold down the pigeon and my turn to poop on it's head." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay481985 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I remember dane cook ssaid something funny about massive car accidents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay481985 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0U3C3abWHRs not quite it but funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jheis Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Re: women Can't live with them -- they won't let you... James Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arky Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Umm, you guys are asking for the wrath of Amy to come reigning down like Maxwell's silver hammer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelerFan Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I'll have to share this with my woman.[] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travisc Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 HAZMAT Information Sheet for WomanELEMENT: Women SYMBOL: Wo DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: Surface usually covered in painted film Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason Melts if given special treatment Bitter if incorrectly used Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore Yields if pressure applied in correct places CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent reason Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly in saturation of alcohol Most powerful money reducing agent known to man COMMON USES: Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars Can be a great aid to relaxation Very effective cleaning agent TESTS: Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state Turns green when placed beside a better specimen HAZARDS: Highly dangerous except in experienced hands Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travisc Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay481985 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacksonbart Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Who is dummer, the women driving that car or her husband who let her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay481985 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 lets not go there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacksonbart Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Jay, what you posted is much more offensive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay481985 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Jay, what you posted is much more offensive it was the same thing that was said above but in mdsd form Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travisc Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 one more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedball Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Mmmmmmm, looks like it could be up on a rock........but just to be sure let's look again. You guy's are going to be in so much trouble for posting this stuff....[:#] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arky Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 That's what I first thought, but looks like Ames decided to deal with all the testosterone. Hi Amy [{][}] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauln Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 That's what I first thought, but looks like Ames decided to deal with all the testosterone. Hi Amy [{][}] Either that or she's preoccupied with trying to figure out an explanation for her scuffed up side walls...[6] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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