The History Kid Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 http://cedarrapids.craigslist.org/ele/4872165958.html When Iowans are bracing for Winter to do it's Winter thing...we post crap like this apparently... Incredible! Really great! Absolutely real! Not available in stores! All of these phrases accurately describe the items in question! These crystals has been in my family for as many as 2 whole generations, but it's as ancient as the mountains, from the time before the oceans drank Atlantis. I've been told it was left here by a genuine boogie woogie outer space alien race, although a different relative said it might just be from a gift shop in South Dakota. Everyone knows he's full of crap though, (he's real into that 420 and tin foil) so odds are this is from outer space. In its natural solid form the crystals will hold as much electricity as a your standard 1960s car battery. However, if you wear it as a necklace it will increase your luck by up to 3% annually! Chicks dig a guy with ancient crystals. They do have some sharp edges though so make sure you don't let others touch it if they haven't had a tetanus shot in the last 5 years. If you wrap a cord around it you can basically use any electronic device with it as long as it isn't made for a European style outlet, those have a different voltage than what the crystal is optimized for. I dunno, maybe it will work with those! Also don't plug it into a dimmer outlet. May also be used to tap into unused portions of your mind if you are one of the chosen few! You won't know if are one if you pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity. Might also be used as a catalyst for time travel, but I have not tried to do that with them. If you find you can go back in time, please try to stop 9/11! Never forget. You may find yourself teleported into a jungle after use, in which case you should salvage for food with caution. Watch out for brightly colored frogs and insects! They're cute and colorful! Take pictures of them for your friends to see! But don't eat them, because many of them are endangered. As far as I know the FDA has not approved this for human consumption. Please do not try to eat, drink, hold hostages, or cast harmful magic with the crystal. There may be a possibility of gaining superpowers if consumed, but it may also just cause cancer/kidney stones. Do not insert into rectum or any other bodily orifices. Finally, do not grind the crystal into powder and snort it or use as a substitute for baby powder. Ages 8 and up. Act now! Operators are standing by! A deal like this might not stay in this plane of existence long! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
001 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 i seen that this morning... that guy is either incredibly bored or incredibly stoned... or both! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimjimbo Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 i seen that this morning... that guy is either incredibly bored or incredibly stoned... or both! That's easy....mushrooms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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