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MS Windows for Texans, notes from Microsoft


m00n

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Dear Consumers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2000 TEXAS EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the state of Texas.

If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.

The TEXAS EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads:

WINDERS 2000, with a background picture of Willie Nelson superimposed on the Alamo.

Please also note:

The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse."

My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption."

Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys."

Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard."

Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive."

Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic thangs."

Instead of an error message, "Duct tape" pops up.

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN TEXAS EDITION:

Cancel............stopdat

Reset..............try'er agin

Yes..................yep

No...................nope

Find.................hunt fer it

Go to...............over yonder

Back................back yonder

Help.................hep me out here

Stop..................kwitit

Start.................crank'er up

Settings............settins

Programs..........stuff at duz stuff

Documents.......stuff ah done did

Also note that the TEXAS EDITION does not recognize capital letters or

punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS

2000:

Tiperiter.....................a word processing program

Colerin' Book.............a graphics program

Cyferin' mersheen.....calculator

Outhouse paper.........notepad

Inner-net....................Microsoft Explorer

5.0

Pitchers......................a graphics viewer

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the TEXAS EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this heps all ya'll!

Billy Bob Gates

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Three engineers are traveling to a tradeshow by car.

It quits.

The electrical engineer suggests they check for spark.

The chemical engineer suggests they check for gas.

The software engineer suggests they all get out of the car, get back in, and try it again.

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