OT Joke.

[m00n]

Mad Wife Disease

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up

behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name

Laura Lou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of

one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a

good explanation.

Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and

hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet,

which knocked him out cold.

When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was that for?"

She replied, "Your horse called."

[J.4knee]

Good one m00n.

BE STRONG:

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into

a house to look for money and guns (obviously an American story) and finds

a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck,

then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband

tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes!

He has probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain,

do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.

This guy is probably very dangerous if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey, I love you."

To which the wife responded, "He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you too."

[boomac]

Two good jokes one unnecessary insinuation.

[m00n]

J.4knee

Had to go share that one on the forum where I got the one I posted above.

[krustyoldsarge]

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10

years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly

not a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out

the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the

scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous

blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to

him:

"Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years", replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and

unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve or her wetsuit, and pulled

out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long

drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey?"

asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years". Hearing that the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a pocket, removes a flask and hands it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the Gods!" stated the Irishman. "Tis truly fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!!!!"

[Tom Adams]

One day an old Irishman is sitting at a table attempting to pass along some life wisdom to a small boy and says,

You see this table laddie. I built it with me own hands over 30 years ago. A fine sturdy table it is. But do they call me OGrady the table maker? No I dont think so.

And that fence out there. I built that stone fence by hand laying stone by stone. Took me two years and its been standing for 22 years now against all mother nature could throw at it. And do they call me OGrady the fence maker? Nope I dont think so.

I also built that warf you see. Truly the finest warf around. Just ask the fisherman. So do they call me OGrady the warf builder? Absolutely not!

But ya screw just one sheep and.

Tom

[boomac]

LMAO!

[Colin]

classics!

[oscarsear]

Satan in church

One Sunday after all the parishioners were seated the devil appeared in a flash of fire and smoke at the front of the church. Everybody screamed and ran furiously out the doors. In less than a minute the church was completely empty except for one elderly man.

Satan approached the man and bellowed. "Do you know who I am mortal"? Calmy the man looked up and answered. "Yup, sure do". Satan yells. "I can take you life in a word, human"!!! The man replied. "Yup, I believe you can". At the top of his lungs Satan screams. "I can torment you for all eternity in the blazing depths of hell,.....why aren't you afraid of me"? The man replies. "Well, you don't scare me. I've been married to your sister for 36 years".