HarryO

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family. An old Italian Mafia Don is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. " Guido, I wanna you lissina me. I wanna you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos ". "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Time's Up'?"

Last week I signed up both of my GFs for a couple of classes to cure some of their summer boredom and help our relationships Summer Classes for Women at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Monday, June 1, 2009 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVELOF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM. Class 1 Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.. Class 2 Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Class 3 Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Gr aphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. Class 5 Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM Class 6 How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM Class 7 Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours. Class 8 Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT! Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 9 I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. Class 10 How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim. Driving Simulations... 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours. Class 11 Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined Class 12 How to Shop by Yourself. Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy-- Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 14 The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) <><> I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt <><> Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain <><> The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns <><> Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge <><> By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates <><> I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx <><> My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante <><> I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor <><> Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - A lex Levine <><> My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield <><> Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. - Joe Namath <><> I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope <><> We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers <><> Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill <><> Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller <><> By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal <><> And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.

New element added to Periodic Table - The Heaviest Element Yet Known to Science: (Gv) Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

I thought I'd post this here for those of you unfamiliar with the proper Uses For Tools DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabiliser which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh f**k..." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines , refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMMIT!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

I understand your thinking on this. I've seen a lot of "vintage" drivers that the cones and edges have become brittle. There are some older speakers that would benefit from treatment of the cloth fibre surrounds. There's also "dope" to cheat on foam surrounds to extend their life expectancy. I've also seen cloth surrounds that have been treated that destroyed the surrounds and the drivers had to be reconed because of it. (recently AR3 drivers with the cloth fiber surrounds as an example) Klipsch drivers with the pleated surrounds are NOT one of the types that need treatment. "Ain't broke, don't fix it" These are generalizations that hold pretty true but there may be instances treatments could apply. Harry

Will Vincent is TOPS. PERIOD! Good people, classic sound. Harry

You might want to look at this as an opportunity to do what you've always wanted to. A few years back my boss basically gave me the ultimatum of my job or my son. Being a single full time dad and working full time was rough. At first I was allowed to work from home and just go in on fridays to "fill in the gaps". It lasted over a year before problems arose. I was excelling in job performance but one of the other engineers wanted the same luxury of working outside of the office and "the boss" decided it was in the company's best interest to have me back in the office or else. I declined the full time office in favor of raising my son. Work and income are a priority but family has to come first. My situation dictated my son was/is my priority. It was rough at first and went through the savings pretty quick. Finally I decided to work for myself and without any idea whatsoever what I should do I decided to give my hobby a shot at making me an income. Four years later I can consider my venture successful and stable. Bottom line.....Happier than I've ever been. IF I had seen it in the proper light in the beginning I would have realized it was a blessing rather than a setback. Hindsight thing as always. Just a personal thought for all going through downsizing and terminations. God Bless you, best of luck, and wishing for brighter days ahead. Harry btw, smell the roses and forget the pricks.

You got that right!Apartment living is good.

Bats & Balls! An Irishman moves to the USA and finally attends his first baseball game. The first batter approached the batters' box, took a few swings and then hits a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming, "Run! Run!" The next batter hits a single and the Irishman listened as the crowd again cheered, "RUN, RUN!" The Irishman enjoyed the game and began screaming with the fans. The fifth batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started his slow trot to first base. The Irishman stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run ye lazy bugger, run!" The people around him began laughing. Embarrassed, the Irishman sat back down. A friendly fan noted the man's embarrassment, leaned over and explained, "He can't run -- he's got four balls." The Irishman stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, lad!"

The economy is so bad...CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Jewish women are marrying for love. HotWheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM. Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty. People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Motel Six won't leave the light on. The Mafia is laying off judges. And finally... Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Hey, great idea ... the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear

Two Romantic Seniors Maude and John, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida. They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each others company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, John asked Maude out for dinner and much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town and ended at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined John for a most enjoyable roll in the sack As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they just shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts. . .. . . John was thinking, "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been gentler." Maude was thinking, "If I'd known he could still do it, I would have taken off my pantyhose."

A lot of CD players have a volume control, mute, and pause function. Many are made in Japan if that helps any. It's another option to having to buy "CHI-FI". Plain and simple....I won't except as a LAST resort. Harry

Extremely Nice 151 ya got there. I doubt I've seen a nicer one. Harry

........I just re-read the whole thread. It's not any easier than it was 6 months ago. R.I.P

Ditto!

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double -pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

I have a lot of amps and listen to a lot of different gear on a daily basis. Again JMHO but...... I've heard both and the VRDs hands down are the proper choice. The Cayin sound fine. The VRDs left an impression and I'm always on the lookout for a deal on them. The VRDs are one of the better sounding amps I've listened to. I have a very limited budget for another amp but when the right deal comes along I'll have to give up the left nut. If you haven't heard the VRDs you owe it to yourself to have a listen. Take the road trip or whatever it takes if you're in the serious stage of an amp purchase. You won't ask this question again. Harry

They're a good sounding cost effective integrated amp. Excellent on horns and effecient speakers. I've got one in the closet I'm not using now only because I stole the EL84's from it to put in the AA-111 that I sent to Arfandbark a couple of years ago. I've got another quad for it but haven't got around to installing them yet. The preamp section is a little too contained for my liking but still sound good on horns with the right tubes. They were designed for a tube like Mullard and they do a good job. Naturally tubes are always the key. You've got to be able to overlook the "Edsel" look which I never have been able to. I'm not picky about the look and cosmetics of vintage tubers (and I've got some buttugly amps) but the 151 and similar Heathkits had their own "style" (for lack of a better vocabulary) JMHO which means diddly. Harry

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.. Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room. She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?' Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?' 'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly . it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?' 'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.' 'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?' She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

AUSTRALIA - THE VOICE OF MODERATION One thing about blokes from Oz is that their hearts and humor are always in the right place! T. B. Bechtel, a City Councilor from Newcastle, Australia, was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience. HIS STATEMENT: "If hooking up one ******* terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just one Australian life, then I have only three things to say,' 'Red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet."

Ear Infection > > This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's > office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of > others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. > > There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist > who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room > full of other patients. > > > > I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way > this old guy handled it. > > A 70-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and > approached the desk. > > The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing > the Doctor for today?' > > 'There's something wrong with my dick', he > replied. > > The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You > shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say > things like that. ' > > 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told > you,' he said. > > The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some > embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have > said there is something wrong with your ea r or something and > discussed the problem further with the Doctor in > private.' > > The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people > questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could > embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several > minutes, and then re-entered. > > The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??' > > 'There's something wrong with my ear,' he > stated. > > The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he > had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, > Sir?' > > 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied. > > The waiting room erupted in laughter..

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?" The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."