m00n Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. 'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says. 'That''s cool.' says Bobby. Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.' Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?' 'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue''s father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!' Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!' About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel Posted October 31, 2007 Moderators Share Posted October 31, 2007 Moon's back to his old self again !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groomlakearea51 Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 [:|]... but funny... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m00n Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 Halloween party A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a Pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your butt and go as a caramel apple. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mungkiman Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Have you heard about the new facelift procedure that allows you to adjust the tension yourself, on an ongoing basis, at home? Recently, a friend of mine decided to try it, and described the adjustment technique as her "new best friend". If her face was slack in the morning, she could tighten tension, and then slowly relax it during the day. Well, as skin is so elastic, she found that she needed to tighten it again and again to maintain the same general appearance she had initially. After months of self adjustment, she couldn't get the results she was looking for, and decided to see her doctor. In addition to this, her largest complaints were the bags under her eyes that wouldn't go away. Her doctor was shocked at her condition when she arrived in his office, and immediately began to lessen the tension on her face. "Well," he said, "you've been severely over-tightening your face, which has resulted in some permanent damage". "The bags," she asked, "the bags under my eyes?" "Those bags," he suggested, "are actually your breasts!" She pondered that for a moment, and actually looked relieved when she exclaimed, "Well, that would explain the goatee!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m00n Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 LOL... Oh man!!! That's good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mungkiman Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 This might sound like a joke, but my cousin is blind. A few years back, he met a wonderful woman and they were married. She also happens to be blind, but is mute as well. The first couple years, everything was great, but when they began to have marital troubles, they agreed to sexual communication through physical hand signals. He is able to speak and hear, and she is able to hear and write, and they both agreed that I should help them develop their "intimacy program", or means of communications. After listening to his concerns, and then reading hers, I was actually able to help them both. During foreplay, if he wasn't interested in sexual relations, her request was that his hands remain on her "second base", and not try for "home", as that could be misleading. If he was interested in sexual relations, his hands were welcome to try and "steal home", but that she would reserve the right of catcher to block the play, by giving a signal in return. He agreed to her terms, suggesting (for her signal) that if she was interested in relations, she should pull his "honker" once. She agreed. He went on to suggest that, if she wasn't interested, that she should pull it 200 times, as fast as she could! Thankfully, and with my help, they are still married today... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mungkiman Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Did I tell any of you that I married a woman named Wendy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZAKO Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Do,es she like to eat square burgers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mungkiman Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 No, she but made me tattoo her name on my "honker". You don't want to know about the honeymoon, specifically what happened when we landed in Jamaica... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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