Why women should NOT take men shopping

[Tom Adams]

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited while, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

[dtel]

Thanks I got some good ideas from that list.

[skonopa]

16. October 25: Changed all the screen-savers in the computer department to show porn images

17: October 31: Took a mask from the Halloween department and white hobby horse from the toy department and decided run around going going "Da-da-da-da" to the Lone Ranger theme.

18: November 5: Cranked up all the stereos in the electronics deparment to blast death metal at full volume

19: November 10: Took some snacks and a drink from food area and sat down to watch and proceeded to start shouting and cussing at a football game in the TV department.

[space_cowboy]

Two or three years ago I read a story of a mall or shopping center in Germany I think, where the wife could buy a ticket to put her husband in “daycare’ while she shopped. Seems like the coupons bought a beer or two, and the facility had TV, slot cars, etc. for the guys to play with for an hour or two. The article went on and on, but seemed like the guys had a pretty good time.

[Ironsave]

Thanks for my laugh of the evening! []

[Islander]

Sign seen in Trinidad. I could see this catching on...

[Tom Adams]

Maybe the Bunny Ranch should open a husband daycare???

Tom