The Impossibility of Accurate Sound Reproduction in Music

[thebes]

Good evening ladies and gentleman, it’s a pleasure to be
honored with the task of presenting this years keynote address of the
Association of Sound Scientists (AS*).
It’s a delight to come before my colleagues and peers to present a paper
covering the most vexing of acoustical conundrums, the accurate replication of
music.

In preparing for this singular honor I have spent the last
few moths in a strenuous review of all current published literature pertaining
to this topic. I have interviewed the
leading lights in the field and I have conducted extensive field research. I have also employed numerous scientific
instrumentation of the most exacting sort utilizing modern scientific
protocols.

Despite my striving for objectively, I must admit that I did
have a certain mindset when undertaking this endeavor. I truly did believe that the right application of reproductive materials and proper instrumentation
will result in a faithful and accurate replication of music.

Well, it appears I am truly an AS*, for it is now clear that
I was completely wrong and it can only be concluded perfection in musical
reproduction is little more than a chimera.

You will find all the technical details in the White Paper I
have authored at the back of the hall, and while I welcome your peer review, I
think you’ll find my research to be unassailable. But for now let’s us confine
the body of my talk to a worthy and trenchant example of the subject at hand.

Namely and to wit, my recent field trip to The 9:30 Club in
Washington, DC for a performance by a Mr. George Clinton, and something called
Parliament-Funkadelic.

Now this group is more like some musical collective than a
band with a never-ending cast of characters presenting themselves onstage at
different times. Utilizing well over a dozen microphones and a shifting count
of upwards of 20 musicians and singers at any given time. Amongst this cacophony, which I believe is referred
to by the more common sorts as “funk” there are two organists, a drummer, 3 or
four guitar players, a brass and horn section.
There’s also something called “The Brides of Frankenstein” which I’m
sure are a changing cast of young lovelies arranged around four mikes in a sort
of dedicated vocal section. Then there’s George, at least six other lead
singers throughout the night, a guy wearing a cowboy hat, a female midget
dressed in a shiny spacesuit, a lean, athletic fellow known as Big Nose who is
wearing white chaps; a truly giant of a man known as Big Daddy and, of course,
hundreds of rabid chanting fans.

Now it is true we can accurately place the organists and
drummer, and most of the guitar players and horn section are in more or less
the same place throughout the evening. However, everyone else is constantly
coming and going, moving all over the stage, using different mikes in no
seeming order, and then there’s the fellow offstage with a voice over like a
deux ex machina.

What we are left with is that some of this wall of sound can
be accurately reproduced as far as tonality, some of it can be assigned it’s
proper place in the realms of soundstage and depth of field, but anyone wishing
to “pick apart” the various elements of a recording of this concert would be
doomed to abject failure. Not to
mention the impossibility of capturing the subtle sounds caused by George and a
fellow man, doing a bump and grind sandwich with the female midget.

Now I know what some of you will say, and that the
reproduction of classical symphony is achievable and they employ far more
instrumentation. To you I say that Beethoven’s Fifth is child’s play compared
to what was present on that stage, that night.

Thus concludes today’s remarks. I look forward to our East Coast regional meeting where I will be
presenting another paper, tentatively titled “The Impossibility of Drinking
Wine While Shaking Your Booty”.

[JBryan]

Good for you Marty, at least you're trying! George Clinton puts on a great show regardless of which band he brings with him or which character he embodies that night. The sound system at 9:30 Club is OK but aside from the extra few thousand watts and +30 drivers, P-Funk will probably sound less distorted in your system. Soundstage and placement is the job of the recording engineer and sadly, live bands are rarely 'captured' well in stereo and there's nothing left for you to do about that.

You might experience a bit less congestion with some decent wires though.... []

[jacksonbart]

what a bummer

[thebes]

Ah Professor Bryan, good to see you that you too have experience of this "funk" phenomenon. Yes the wattage and distortion are somewhat overdone at The 9:30 Club, but after two days my ears have stopping ringing with only an occasional whooshing sound to remind me of the sonic onslaught.

However, as my White Paper clearly points out, humans are walking stereo receivers and fully capable of perceiving a natural stereophonic signal in it's totality. Given that fact, I had thought it possible that with a bit of engineering, a touch of mixing and good original recoding such sonic reproduction should be child's play. I fear I was a trifle optimistic.

As far as wires and cables, I could have sworn I gave you a good intellectual thrashing the last time this subject was raised. There's really no reason to show off for the comely graduate student you've brought along with you. I'm sure she's quite smitten enough with the whiteness of your lab coat, and you need not dazzle her with the false science of cable matching.

[quadklipsh]

i second for musicality , accuracy is at number 2 priority.

and quest for accuracy achievement and perfecting your system sucks the pleasure and bliss out of music listening .......

jmho

[Mallette]

i second for musicality , accuracy is at number 2 priority.

Personally, I've tried to get rid of my funky recordings as the odor control is a problem in the music room and seems to spread. Funky Hildegard von Bingen is a terrible thing and causes jaded morticians to gag.

That said, I disagree with the above. Obviously, a recording that is not "muscical" is not...well...musical. Therefore it follows that a "musical" recording will sound it's best played accurately.

Dave

[quadklipsh]

i compared a few amps over last few months , keeping the recordings same , though one amp was much more accurate , it failed to impress me and others listening , and everyone telling me to go with my marantz 2230 and not this dry sounding MITSUBISHI diatone DA -A7

[Mallette]

My opinion is that if an accurate system doesn't sound good, the issue is the source material. I cannot even comprehend any other position on this. If that is not a true statement, then there is no science at all to our quest.

Dave

[thebes]

If that is not a true statement, then there is no science at all to our quest.

Dave

Oh so now you are going to bring science into this, is it?

So tell me Mr. Scientist, where did the Mothership come from, what kind of propulsion, and where has it got to?

Funk is ultimately opaque to science.Science may be able to tell us how midgets come to be, but science will never be able to tell us why they walk amoungst us wearing silver space suites while doing the bump and grind.

A strange statement coming from me. After all as the keynote presenter of the latest White Paper on this subject, you'd think I'd worship science above all else. But my fellow colleagues, you neglected to ask the most important question of all.

Where'd this guy get his degree from?

"We are the funk, we are the funk, we are the....."

[Mallette]

Oh so now you are going to bring science into this, is it?

Yer on...strap on a slapstick and prepare to slap leather, yankee.

So tell me Mr. Scientist, where did the Mothership come from, what kind of propulsion, and where has it got to?

Mien Arsch, an advanced form of methane, and it's now banging a brane in the 11th demension...respectively addressed.

Funk is ultimately opaque to science.Science may be able to tell us how midgets come to be, but science will never be able to tell us why they walk amoungst us wearing silver space suites while doing the bump and grind.

Actually, there is a simple explanation. The suits protect them from the uberfunky methane odor, and they were in search of K2. If you knew ANYTHING about science, you'd know K2 makes aliens bump and grind.

A strange statement coming from me.

Not really...

If you mean me, it was during the late sixties. How the hell am I supposed to know? Anybody who claims to remember the sixties wasn't there...

"We are the funk, we are the funk, we are the....."

Ach, gut CHERMAN technik, das Telefunken!

Dave

Oh so now you are going to bring science into this, is it?

So tell me Mr. Scientist, where did the Mothership come from, what kind of propulsion, and where has it got to?

Funk is ultimately opaque to science.Science may be able to tell us how midgets come to be, but science will never be able to tell us why they walk amoungst us wearing silver space suites while doing the bump and grind.

A strange statement coming from me. After all as the keynote presenter of the latest White Paper on this subject, you'd think I'd worship science above all else. But my fellow colleagues, you neglected to ask the most important question of all.

Where'd this guy get his degree from?

"We are the funk, we are the funk, we are the....."

[thebes]

Ah the German references explain it all. I've wondered why you've been so pumped up the last couple of days. Your obviously tripping out on Kraftwerke, probably pinning away for Lota Lania and other 30's sprechstimmers cabaret singers. It's got you confusing the Wiemar Republic mit der Funky Kingston.

I'm thinking you should take a drive along der autobahn. Maybe you'll find the Brides of Funkenstein with their thumbs stuck out.

Wir fahr'n fahr'n fahr'n auf der Autobahn



Vor uns liegt ein weites Tal

Die Sonne scheint mit Glitzerstrahl



Die Fahrbahn ist ein graues Band

Weisse Streifen, gruener Rand



Jetzt schalten wir ja das Radio an

Aus dem Lautsprecher klingt es dann:

Wir fah'rn auf der Autobahn

[DTLongo]

"I truly did believe that the right application of reproductive materials and proper instrumentation will result in a faithful and accurate replication of music. Well, it appears I am truly an AS*, for it is now clear that I was completely wrong and it can only be concluded perfection in musical reproduction is little more than a chimera."

Dear Herr Professor Thebes: Wilkommen in der aktuel Welt. Welcome to the real world [8-|]. The wondrous thing about modern electronics and even Klipsch Heritage is that they can come fairly close to approximating the real thing. "Approximating" is the key word. My forte is symphonic and I have close experience with pure unamplified symphonic performances versus superb reproduction through even ALK-enhanced Klipschorns. Result: close but no cigar! That's just the way it is.

Seriously, the real challenge in reproducing live symphonic or acoustic music is that there are just so many infinite variables in the path from transducing the acoustic signal into an electronic one, manipulating and amplifying that, and then re-transducing it via loudspeakers into atmosphere-sound pressure for our ears. Anything through electronic guitars, keyboards and other such is already degraded (in the pure sense) even if it can sound great. I suspect Nirvana will always elude. But dang, we can come darn close if everything along the chain is just right, so, hey, count our blessings.

[Timmikid]

I am so jealous that you saw Professor Funk live!

[Mallette]

Note to the Sheriff: Perhaps it was just a bump in the bitstream, but one of my posts disappeared. In case you thought it was off color or something, "hörenVergnügen" is a rather stretched take on "Fahrvergnügen," the old Volkswagen commercial. In this case, it means "listening enjoyment or pleasure."

Appropriate enough for the Klipsch experience.

Dave

[Mallette]

Wir fahr'n fahr'n fahr'n auf der Autobahn

Ah, the old stormtrooper song as they rolled into France...

Dave

[thebes]

Ah the good Doktor Longo. It is obvious you to have been conducting independent research into this fascinating field of science. I would like to suggest we conduct a joint DARPA funded exploration into the causality of Captain Beefheart's (RIP as of today) cosmic tautology.

Sorry Timmy, it doesn't look like the P-Funkers are doing Europe this time around. Come stateside some day and I'll hook you up with some pure unadulterated funk, unlike that watered down stuff they serve up on the Continent.

As for you Dave, you are wrong again. Those young panzer guys were probably saying "Der chicks in Pairs hast eina bigga Bazooms (the Americans having not yet invented the word Bazooka).

[Timmikid]

"Come stateside some day and I'll hook you up with some pure unadulterated funk, unlike that watered down stuff they serve up on the Continent".

Thank you, I'd honestly wished that, even though I'm not exactly sure what I would encounter. Well. Who Knows?