prodj101 Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 oh right, I almost forgot. that guest speaker also said never to tell people what to do after they're a rape victim because they already feel a loss of control, and it only furthers the feeling of their life being out of control when someone else comes in and starts commanding that they call the police or take some kind of action. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 16, 2003 Author Share Posted March 16, 2003 i justed begged her to see a doctor for my sake and peace of mind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynnm Posted March 17, 2003 Share Posted March 17, 2003 JasN00b It is wonderful that you are so caring about your friend but don't make the mistake of taking on more responsibility for this situation. Even if you had been somewhere in the vicinity there would likely have been nothing you could have done to prevent it. Ultimately it is up to the girl and her family and the appropriate authourities to deal with the rapist - Yes I agree with Gil that this was rape whether or not that is how the courts will see it. I understand your distress and fury but confronting that animal and harming him and/or getting yourself hurt would only serve to increase her distress. Reassure her of your love and provide a willing shoulder if she wants it but take it no further. Beware of accepting any overtures from her to engage in a sexual relationship. Many young women will do so after such an encounter in a vain attempt to prove to themselves that they are still desirable. Unfortunately when that happens they frequently psychologically turn the whole thing around on themselves and see the post rape encounter as proof that they were raped because they had somehow seduced the rapist and further that no man is ever to be trusted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 17, 2003 Author Share Posted March 17, 2003 well like i said, they're 300 miles away so i cant hurt the *******. otherwise i would. and even if she wasnt 300 miles away, i have a great girlfriend, and i refuse to have sex for quite a while... i'm not really in a rush. i can find other... means of satisfying my guy nature... *cough* yea. again *hug* thanks for the advice. these boards rock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WMcD Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 I must be careful here. I can't give legal advice on this bbs. We're also going into circumstances which are outside normal conversation. On the other hand, they should not be avoided in view of the realities. However, folks, here, are making statements to the effect that because the two young individuals are near the same age, or both underage, there is no criminal act when there is penetration, or something close, like gropping (sp?). That is not correct. I can not in good faith let those mistatements go without correction. It is important because people reading such notions, by others, may think that prosecutors and police are not interested in the events and will not do anything. That is quite untrue. These are criminal acts which the authorities are very interested in hearing about. They are criminal offenses. Part of the problem with discussion is that the term "rape" is not used as such in many modern criminal statutes. Also, criminal statutes describe various grades of felonies in terms of both the activity and the ages of the people who engage in them. Going back to normal jargon, though. Any penetration without consent is a rape, and a criminal act. Generally, consent is a defense. The male might be able to defend, saying for example, she invited me in. The "statutory rape" aspect to the public's conception is somewhat simple. The criminal statutes say that a female under some stated age, sometimes 17 years, can not be considered to have consented, whatever her own actual thought or act. This is a gross overstatement by me of the complexity of the statutes in 50 states, but enough for purposes of discussion. This statutory rape rule, and harsh penalties, is a bit heavy handed in prosecution when one contemplates a situtation of two young people are engagining in sex with full mutual consent. It might even get, realistically, to mutual encouagement, and desire. That is NOT the situation we're focused on. More below why this does not apply in a legal or moral sense. Because of that recognition of teen aged activities, if the guy is not too much older, sometimes five years older (again in situations where there is real consent), the act is considered a lesser offense, with lower penalties. In the language of the statutes, it might be labeled sexual abuse, rather than sexual assault. Tied to that nomenclature, it might be a class 2 felony rather than a class 1 felony. Tied to the class of felony, there is a lesser penalty. You can read the statutes as well as anyone. There are complicate, but logical, sets of circumstances set out. In reading the statutes in various states (specifically Pennsylvania and Illinois) there is no reason to believe any young man is immune from prosecution if he penetrated, or generally groped a young woman, even with with her consent or encouagement. That must hold true everywhere in the USA, though I've not done extensive research in the law of all states. Yes, this implies that mutual heavy petting by 16 year olds could get one in the slammer. Getting back to the immediate issue. The situation described IS a rape (in common parlance), or sexual assault (by statute), because there was no consent in a rational sense. Part of what has been discussed on the forum is a more complicated legal issue of "evidence" in a criminal prosecution. Specifically, a man facing criminal prosecution may accurately descibe that the woman did not physically resist, or say "no". She might well admit to the same in the physical, narrow sense. This goes regardless of age. The statues are fairly clear that if the woman admits to not resisting, this does not bar prosecution. There is the contemplation in the law that that the cirucumstances indicated lack of real mental consent. There are also provisions in the statutes that wearing of provacative clothing, past activities, etc., are not relevant of the immediate situation. Hence that evidence is not admissable. The above information is potentially disconcerting in that it calls into play what is "the law". It is more bothersome to me that some posts inadvertently imply "the law" or loopholes excuse what is a henous act. That ain't so. ---- There is, on a perenial basis, objections that we get off the subject, or that people bring in personal subjects. It is, though, heartening that our friend would trust us with this. Gil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Meal Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 Jasn00b, I had the exact same situation as you except it happened to my girlfriend before we knew each other. She was sexually abused by her ex boyfriend. I got so mad and sad at the same time. The day came when I finally saw him around I jumped him and messed up his face. Anyways, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope everything is okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 18, 2003 Author Share Posted March 18, 2003 lol yea.. i'd mess up his face if i saw him too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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