JasN00b Posted March 15, 2003 Share Posted March 15, 2003 i found that a very good friend of mine.. a girl, who lives in PA now... (300 miles away from me) .. well shes my age (15) and shes like a little sister to me and she had been dating a guy, and i guess he showed up at her house and she had been napping, and he woke her up... blah i hate telling this.. and he held her down (hes 6'3".. shes 5'2") and waved contraceptives in her face and kept pressuring her to have sex, and eventually she gave in (i'm very dissapointed she did this) and i dont know what to do, i feel so helpless if i lived near the guy i would rip off his nads and beat the **** out of him... but i cant i insisted she sees a doctor..she agreed, and emotionally she seems ok, but i feel so helpless and i needed to get it off my chest and came here because i've come to look up to many forums members here... blah i'm so messed up now... >=( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WMcD Posted March 15, 2003 Share Posted March 15, 2003 What you're feeling is a product of a good thing. You're protective of her. It is a good instinct and emotion. I think that consciously, or not, you're feeling a great deal of anger. Repressed anger often leads to depression. You are expressing rage, which is appropriate. You probably have even more of it than is coming out just now. Hence you feel bad. One of the important things to realize about emotions is that you can not turn them on and off to be polite. Something like this, for you, will not go away in a day, a week, or a month. What you're describing is a rape, pure and simple. Your friend should seek rape counseling and a support group. It is tough for the young lady, I'm sure, but you should suggest it, insist on it. She doublessly has a lot of anger which is unresolved. Rape victims are sometimes afraid to get things in the open. It is a very good thing that she trusted you to talk about it. It is not going to go away for her either, in a day, week, or a month. Please stick with her in these difficult times, even if she tells you to buzz off. She needs support. The guy MUST be reported to the police and the local prosecutor. It is quite likely your lady friend is not the first, or the last, young lady he will force into sex. There will be other little sisters harmed if this is not done. Even if this incident does not lead to a prosecution the authorities need the information to build a case and a profile. Gil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 16, 2003 Author Share Posted March 16, 2003 thank you i will take your advice to heart. everyone that helps me gets an internet hug cause i'm insanely grateful for the help *hug* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt1stcav Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 Did she ever say he raped her, or did she just agree to have sex with him, as you described it? Has she told her parents, the police, a priest, preacher or rabbi, guidance councelor, or any other adult? If he forced himself on her after she said "NO", even if she first agreed to it, then maybe she has a case (I'm no lawyer; I'm only assuming). Better than you losing your cool and trying to go after the guy and beat the living s#!% out of him, be strong and supportive...be there for her to talk to and to let her cry on your shoulder (figuratively speaking, of course). I'm sure it's rough not being there physically for her, but don't get angry and blow up at her for making a mistake. Instead, comfort her as best you can...just be her friend! Hope this helps. Edit: Just read Gil's post. He's right on target! Listen to what he and others have to say. And remember to remain calm when you talk to her...show her how strong you are. For what it's worth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 16, 2003 Author Share Posted March 16, 2003 *hug* i didnt blow up on her i blew up on the other guy. i'll never hurt her, and i still think because she eventually consented, there really isnt much of a case Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WMcD Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 Let me add a few things. Looking a bit closer at your post, you had commented that you were disappointed at her giving in. Again, a natural reaction by you. We'd wish she had a rusty knife to do some justice. However, women in her situation don't have too many options. They may feel bad that they had to make some choice, any choice, in a life threatening situation. It was life threatening. Think about someone twice your weight invading your home and what it will take to make them go away. A number of years ago I attended a seminar given by a retired Chicago cop at Borders. He was selling advice, an introduction to a cop shop of self defense spray, and maybe services as a private investigator. Can't fault that as a second business. None the less, much of it was safety for women. E.g. keep the doors and windows locked, keep a cell phone and charger at bedside rather than down the hall. He had a good comment about what to do when someone tries to get you in a car. Resist at all cost and yell your head off. That is a critical point. Once you're in a car, the odds shift in favor of the bad guy. Anyone who tries to get you in a car with promise of better treatment is a bad guy. A woman in the audience asked him what a woman should do in a rape situation. Good question in that there was some search for a critical point. Is this a drunk to be put off to go elsewhere or murderer who will get nasty. He was flumoxed a bit and searching for an answer. He eventually said, "Anything you do, is the right thing." He was correct. We would think a knee in the crotch is the simple solution, but the situation may not lend itself to that, and she was not trained for such. I'd like to point out that the situation described is not consentual sex, even if she didn't say "NO Get the hell out of here", and went for his eyes and balls. You may wonder what consentual sex is like, in contrast. (I bring this up because there is going to be a defense by the perp along the line of "she wanted it, she just didn't know it." Or, women love agressive males.) An adult woman shares in the process with mutuality, and desire. Hopefully, it is because the male and female are in love and have a great deal of respect for each other. Old people sometimes forget this goes on in youth. It does, though. The situation described shows the guy is close to a preditor. He invaded her space when not welcomed. He brought along protection in a condom. As if it didn't matter, minimizing the downside, mostly for him. Then there is physical intimidation. It is not young love. Gil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdm56 Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 Not knowing all sides of the story, it's hard to say what exactly is the thing to do, but I would definitely pursue the option of filing charges against this creep. Perhaps their is no case due to the ~questionably~ consentual nature of the incedent, but still I would present the facts to the appropriate authorities and let them decide whether to proceed or not. Even if what took place is not legally construed as rape, the guy is still a low-life. How old was he, anyway? If he is 18 or over, there may be the possibility of filing a statutory rape charge. Good luck. You must be a good kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 16, 2003 Author Share Posted March 16, 2003 they were the same age. no sagitary rape. i couldnt sleep at all last night. i couldnt get my mind off the kid and how he made her cry and violated her like that.. and how i cant really do anything about it.. i started crying and i threw up. somethings wrong with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpg Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 Nothing's wrong with you. You just care for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deang Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 There is nothing I can say that hasn't been said by Gil and James already. She needs to tell Mom and Dad and let them run with it -- seriously. Trespasser is right, there is nothing "wrong" with you. You are a "real" human being, who has somehow managed to get to 15 without becoming desensitized to the things of this sometimes sick world. This kind of thing is supposed to make us cry and throwup. I think I'll join you. What the hell is wrong with people? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prodj101 Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 about 2 months ago, we had a guest speaker come to our school talking about rape and things like that. She said if someone initially says no to sex, but than gives in, it is still rape. She was from the rape counsulling center of minnesota, or something like that, and went on and on about how if a person says no once, or even seems slightly uneven about it, it can be considered rape. But, since your friend and her "boyfriend" are only 15, not only could no serious charges be pressed, but also they could claim that they were both too immature to make a good decision so it's really no ones fault. but damn, if that happend to someone I knew, I'd feel the same way. I don't know how you haven't gotten your bike out to go and beat the **** out of this guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruinsrme Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 Just don't be mad at her.. scott Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheEAR Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 This sounds like forced sex(err RAPE)! I would get a shotgun and empty its contents on his privates,depriving him of his manhood. That is one of the many ways to deal with rapists and other type of garbage of this world. I think rape should be punished by castration in some cases.All who oppose this should also be castrated. Criminals should face extreme punishment and the sentance should be carried out within 24Hours if the creep is proven guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt. PS the above is not wise but effective Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 16, 2003 Author Share Posted March 16, 2003 ---------------- On 3/16/2003 3:55:19 PM TheEAR wrote: This sounds like forced sex(err RAPE)! I would get a shotgun and empty its contents on his privates,depriving him of his manhood. That is one of the many ways to deal with rapists and other type of garbage of this world. I think rape should be punished by castration in some cases.All who oppose this should also be castrated. Criminals should face extreme punishment and the sentance should be carried out within 24Hours if the creep is proven guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt. PS the above is not wise but effective ---------------- i was waiting for ear to give his opinion and cause a nice smile to pop onto my face! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j-malotky Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 This sucks. But the facts are that 3 out of 4 women are assulted by the age of 21. Date rapes unfortunately are not that uncommon. First be supportive to her. It was not her fault. She needs friends and family who love and care for her now. Try to get her to press charges. This guy WILL do this again to somebody else. He needs to be stopped. In his mind this is OK to do. He has a lot of time, beer parties, college frat parties to find easy prey in his future. He must be stopped. Good luck with all of this. Stay strong. JM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 16, 2003 Author Share Posted March 16, 2003 am i the last teenage male alive who sees sex as an expression of a couples love for each other?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpg Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 No jas... I feel the same way. Unfortunately, my couple just kicked the bucket... She- I don't even know what I did. I am guessing it is about time for me to spend more money than I even have on parts for amps so I can occupy myself building them to pass the tons of spare time I now have... With this, I have lost about the only thing left in my life that brought me any joy at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sj993 Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 ---------------- On 3/16/2003 6:18:55 PM JasN00b wrote: am i the last teenage male alive who sees sex as an expression of a couples love for each other?! ---------------- No, your really not. I too feel the same way but unfortunately there are also those that don't feel the same way and it seems like there are a growing number of those kind which really makes me wonder what kind of world we live in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cluless Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 Sadly, getting her to pursue legal action would probably cause her more damage than him. Evidently, there was no rape kit done, they had sex in her house, thus implying invitation, and he was her boyfriend, and she did eventually consent (Sort of). The defense would always claim that she never put up a fight (no physical evidence). The question of "giving in" versus "giving up" is the key. Jas, just be there, and be a friend. Don't pass judgement or tell her what she SHOULD HAVE DONE, its beyond that. If she continues to see the creep (15 year old girls can be strange), contact her parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 16, 2003 Author Share Posted March 16, 2003 *hugs clu* thanks! i insisted she break off communication with him, she said they were still friends and i was like "no.. not gonna work..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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