What do you think of thesis for antibose essay?

[fyremarble]

Hi everybody. I'm writting an opinion essay for my english 101 class and when i talked to cdsang i read my paragraph and he seemed to like it and just for argument sake i thought well maybe i should ask other people who know their stuff what they think and maybe some suggestions on where to go with it. Also if you have any sources where i cand find some "Antibose literature" that would be great. ok here it goes, since its probably long what i'm going to do is post this part and reply to my own post and the essay will be in there. I hope you like it.

[fyremarble]

Some people believe that all audio speakers are the same and that there is no

difference between companies. Another group of people are very particular about speakers and

certain companies and many have company loyalty and firmly stand their ground when

contested. Many of them have studied speakers and speaker materials for many

years and know which materials are best in making an audio speaker or what materials to look

for when buying audio equipment. Knowing these facts several have spoken out on one

company in particular more than any other company. The Bose company has been tricking

people into buying their products for quite some time. By using cheap materials to cut costs and

inefficient designs only to appeal to the public and they jack up the price and lull people in by

using their status as a "respected" company to get people to spend good money for speakers

that are not what they seem and are not worth the money people spend on them.Consumers

looking for audio equipment should shop around and not base their decision on company

status alone, they should make their decision on what sounds good to them and what they are

going to use speakers for. This essay will state an opinion about Bose and other speaker companies.

[kenratboy]

Having received an 'A' in 101 and 102, my best advice is to strongly try and avoid words like 'stuff', 'things', etc. - try and make it more focused. Broad, general, simple words usually won't read well for a professor.

For example, instead of saying 'Some people, like me, think that Bose is a scam.', say something like 'A select group of individuals, including myself, realize that Bose is nothing more than a scam." That is nothing specific, just an example of how to make a 'simple' sentence sound better and more intelligent (did I spell that right?)

However, don't 'fluff' your essay. Both my professors told us over and over, do NOT use words for the sake of words, simple and to the point is always the best. Hell, if you can use 'easy' words to get a good point across, do so! However, I usually tend to try and use some 'smarter' words.

Also, I am by no means good at English, there are other on this forum that can help you a LOT better than I. You know what you need to write, and it is just a matter of doing it in a manner that is of a better quality than normal.

Here is the beginning of a essay question answer for 101. Note words like fufillment, reguardless, signifigant, obtain, etc. Nothing special, but if you can replace 'things' with 'objects' (or even the actuall object in question!), DO IT! It will really help! Write to impress (but do not over-dress!)

Sigmund Freud argues in The Interpretation of Dreams that dreams are not meaningless, but rather a way for our mind to fulfill desires we did not obtain while awake. These dreams of fulfillment can be good or bad, or even plain and logical. Regardless, these so called dreams of fulfillment are a bridge between the physical world and the mysterious world of your mind. Freud states that a dream can represent a wish as fulfilled (302), which he defines as a dream that fulfills a need we have. This is significant because while you are sleeping, your brain can take care of a very real need. In one example, Freud explains that if he is thirsty, his brain can quench his thirst while he sleeps (303). He further says when he (in his dreams) drank from a vase with ash, the foul taste woke him. This is truly a case of mind over matter.

[kenratboy]

Anther sin is generalizations. For example, a sentence like:

"They do not believe Bose is bad."

Who is 'they' and why do they thing Bose is OK?

Instead, how about:

"The uniformed public does not believe Bose is bad because of brainwashing advertising tactics."

All of a sudden, a weak sentence has been focused into a useful and much more interesting piece. 'They' is now assigned to a person or a group, or anything else. Also, at the same time, we have discussed why they think Bose isn't bad! Hey! Let's take it a step farther, you can use that is a GREAT transition into a discussion of Bose's advertising. Seamless and interesting! Awesome!!! That is how to get a good grade! You need to take it to the next level.

My professor in 101 was very big on eliminating weak language in essays.

[tpg]

I have been through 101 and 102 as well...

It is my opinion that phrases like "in my opinion" should be left out (no pun intended...)... in fact, I never include "myself, me, I," etc. in any of my papers... even persuasive/opinion ones. I feel you can express your opinion without actually directly putting yourself in... and I personally believe papers sound more well put together with I's and me's left out. Just my opinion...

Also... do be sure your instructor is not a Bose fan. You could get some subjective mis-grading...

And... you probably would want to reword "This essay will state an opinion about Bose and other speaker companies." You do need to outline the purpose of the essay in the introductory paragraph... but not so obviously. Don't directly state "this is what the paper does"... let people know without using that type of language in it. It sounds weak and thrown together.

[kenratboy]

tpg:

It can be difficult to exlcude 'I' sometimes, but yes, it is best to not use it. To take it a step farther, there are essay's where you ABSOLUTLY CANNOT use it (research papers and that stuff), but if you are writing a personal opinion paper, it is OK to use them occasionally if you NEED to.

Once you get the hang of it, it starts getting easy to write really good papers. However, having good instructors who offer lots of feedback is critical.

[cdsang]

Fyermabrle and I talked on the phone about the essay.

Fyermarble had a short amount of time to write the essay in class. Also got a quick call today from her sayinge that she didn't copy and paste everything exactly as written. Spelling errors and and other problems ertr not seen and fixed while she was writting it here on the forum, but later saw them and haven't fixed the errors yet. There is a quick question about writting an eassy I want to ask. What if the essay is about the writter? How do you not include words such as "I","me",and "myself"? Would you write it useing your own name over and over?

CD

[J.4knee]

Having been through multiple levels of College English composition and critical thinking classes I will chime in.

I disagree with "tpg" you can use your own opinion to express your experiences as they relate to your topic or thesis. You should not rely on you own postulations to make the foundation for your argument but you most certainly can use it to illustrate a points to tie things together long as you can support it. One thing you should do is argue both sides to your topic weighing both the pro and con of each position. I would recommend you close with your conclusion, which is why I maintain you can use I and me and myself to propose your thoughts especially in your conclusion. You are, after all, writing a paper based on your thesis. Whether you do it in the third person (which I hate) or outright in the first person it is your conclusion. To avoid using your own ideas as influenced by the facts of your argument is not going to accomplish your goal of supporting YOUR thesis. You would simply present a narrative with no conclusion. I am assuming you are doing a research paper in which you have to make a conclusion. Your particular topic is one that need a personal input because it is an argument from which no amount of research is going to draw a scientifically based conclusion since both entities you intended to discuss are very firmly entrenched in their own opinions and the physics of the discussion are really only supporting details in your discussion which is based on what people prefer.

I do agree that generalizations are to be avoided unless they are encompassed in a cite of sorts. You devote an equal, if possible, amount of energy to argue both sides of your case and then use your conclusion to draw closing and state why you are positioned the way you are. I would try to shoot for a goal of 10% for your opening argument in which you present you thesis 35 38% per side and 15-20% using additional support and your on position to illustrate your conclusion. My percentages are a guestimate and certainly not absolutes but just a guide. Good Luck.

[tpg]

J.4knee-

That is essentially what I meant... I avoid using my opinion in papers... but sometimes it cannot be avoided. I did mean that it should not be the basis of the paper... let your opinion be known, but don't always state directly "this is my opinion". Citing experiences works well.

As a side note (just remembered this)... I did a couple of papers in English about audio-related topics... just be certain that any audio terminology you use is WELL explained. My teacher gave me a hard time about this... even though I included adequate definitions.

[prodj101]

http://www.intellexual.net/bose.html

that is the best bose ripping report I have seen. all claims are backed up with fact and there is little to no personal opinion. I have only gone through a few highschool english courses, but I will say that my teacher last year also really, really, really had a hate on for generalizations. every generalization used in a paper resulted in a 5 point dock, which was significant since each paper was around 50 points...you could get them back but only through rewriting the paragraph. use numbers to support your claims, and if possible use numbers that include a decimal point i.e. 75.8 percent rather than 76 percent. studies have shown this seems more impressive and credible to readers. also, when you use numbers you should always include how you came to those numbers. don't just say "the bose speakers played only 75.8 percent as loud as the..." say "the bose speakers played only 75.8 percent as loud as the...when monitored with a radio shack spl meter from the listening position." this helps make your claims more bullet proof to criticism. I'm not sure how your teacher grades on things like that, but if we had bits like that in our papers we'd burn in a hell of paper rewrites for it

[skonopa]

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On 9/4/2004 3:49:25 PM kenratboy wrote:

Once you get the hang of it, it starts getting easy to write really good papers. However, having good instructors who offer lots of feedback is critical.

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And this also applies once you get out into the "real world". Along with the English Composition and Tech Writing course in college, I've also written my fair share of technical manuals and paper for my job.

"ratboy" did hit it on the nail about avoiding generalizations as well as using clean, concise language.

Since anything I've recently written were techincal in nature, I never, ever used the first person. Also, opinions are a big no-no in technical papers. As much as I cannot stand Microsoft sometimes, I'll never say that in a techincal paper.

However, since this is an opinion piece being written, I do agree somewhat using the first person, but only if nothing else will "sound right", for lack of a better term.

I also agree with presenting the other side of the "Bose issue", i.e., how the sleek looks, the small size, and ease of setup of a lot of thier gear does appeal to the general public.

Also, on a the techincal side, make sure, as 'tpg' already alluded to, that any "techinal terms" are clearly defined. Also if any acronyms are to be used, be sure to spell them out the first time they appear in the paper. for example, "... as measured using a Radio Shack Sound Pressure Level (SPL) meter." EDIT: In this particular example, you may not even specify that it is a "Radio Shack" meter. You could document in a footnoot what the exact make, model, and settings of the meter used for the measurments, i.e. "All Sound Pressure Level measurments taken using a Radio Shack Analog SPL meter (Catalog number 33-2050), using 'C' weighting and "slow" response."

With the huge amount of acronyms used at work, we are constantly getting gigged on this by our in-house technical writter, such as in the following:

"The ASES department began developing the new DXMon program which is to be utilized for monitoring ADAR data extraction. The new program is to be utilized by the CND, WCS, and SPY elements. The new program will be hosted on MS Windows based PCs"

Yeesh, talk about "alphabet soup". Imagine if somebody brand new to the job read that. I was friggan lost for the first two weeks when I started. One of my first questions to my boss was "What the heck is a 'CPCR'?" Turned out to be a fancy way to say "trouble report" or "bug report" (stands for "Computer Program Change Request").

All that to illustrate just how important it is, along with the very good suggestions given by "kenratboy" and "tpg", to make sure you clearly define all techincal terms and spell out all acronyms the first time they appear in your paper.

[nicholtl]

May I just say how refreshing it is to see how three-dimensional and intelligent this Klipsch community/family is? I'm a member of some other boards (not audio related), and let me say, my God, some people have NO idea how to spell for the life of them. They're also very close-minded, provincial, and the biggest imbeciles on earth.

[kenratboy]

0mg i wuld b all like bose is so krapy and stuf.

Like that? I am on some pretty good forums (photography, cars, etc.) and they are pretty good, but get onto a gaming forum, and people drop 50 IQ points...

[white_shadow]

I think most of us have taken this class or its equivalent. Its a "give your opinion and reinforce it" paper. I know what your opinion is but how do you plan on supporting it. There is not much information "out there" regarding Bose or anti-Bose. Just speculation and heresay, the same type of "invalid" information that makes Bose so damn popular.

You need to formulate an opinion and support it. Some things that you can do are:

price vs performance

overall sound quality

build quality

customer service

You should also hear Bose for yourself if you haven't. I just did recently (not to buy, but to evaluate). If its possible do a A/B comparison, using your ears as well as an SPL meter, RTA, and whatever you can get your hands on or already own.

I'd start off my essay like this...

Kerry or Bush, Coke or Pepsi, Chevy or Ford. These are choices that many americans make on a daily basis, some trivial and others not so trivial. Another topic of debate between the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans is Bose versus Brand X. Bose is an audio equipment company. One of their popular products are speakers and they have enormous brand recoqnition in North America. One of the reasons for their popularity is their marketing. Many companies do not have the finanacial backing to advertise on television. Yet Bose, as many have witnessed, employs commericials as well as lenghty infomercials.

Smaller companies due to financial constraints may only advertise in audio/visual magazines. Some can only hope that their name spread through popularity and referral, by the virtue that they produce a better product. Millions of Americans proudly own products manufactured by these smaller companies, but millions more own Bose products. In some audio/visual circles this is as much a heated debate as Kerry versus Bush. Most topics of debate oscillate between sound quality and build quality, two areas of which has been a weakness in Bose products.

...Then I would begin to bash Bose! Notice how the first paragraph addresses Bose, and then transistions to the second paragraph. Both paragraphs give a little background (not too much just an intro) but also builds up to what becomes your opinion (the last sentence)

Whatever you do you should post your final draft "up in here" and also send a copy to Bose

[WMcD]

I'm not quite sure what an opinion paper should contain. It is not something I ran into in college. But I have some thoughts anyway.

To a large extent, the tone of the piece will establish it as opinion. Look at a movie or restaurant review in a newspaper. The terms "In my opinion", or "I think", never appear. It is understood in context.

If that is what your paper is supposed to be, you might crib the structure from the form of such articles. It's legit. All writers learn from other writers.

OTOH, it seems that your first draft addresses the subjects of other peoples' opinions and the effect of advertising. If so, that will require an expression of their opinions, the effect of advertising, and an analysis by you. That, though, is ARGUMENT, not opinion. Monty Python had a skit on this.

= = = =

Let me suggest that constructing an argument in writing, or any writing, is usually a process of moving backwards as you toil at it.

In a mechanical sense, teachers say you have to start the work with a topic paragraph, and end with a conclusion. Yes, that is the result on paper. None the less, our mind works the other way.

In our mind we have a conclusion, which goes at the end. It takes somes mulling to isolate the facts and thought processes leading to that conclusion, which goes in the middle. And then you have to write an introduction which tells the reader what you are going to say, and hint at the conclusion.

Word processors make the self editing more easy. You can let thoughts go wild, and then force them into the structure. It might work better for you if you start with your conclusion, and work backwards.

The creative process is a bit difficult to explain; it does work backwards. Generally, if you are trying to draw a horse to water, you have to start the process of finding the water, finding the road, finding the horse, and then bringing them all together. The horse just sees the process of you leading it to water. The last is what eventually gets set down on paper.

Gil

[J.4knee]

tpg, my bad I misread/understood your intent in your post.

Regarding the topic of this paper, I think it is a good topic with the following caveats. You will almost assuredly be restricted to electronic media, such as the Internet sites like this one, and opinion related articles in magazines. These are good sources providing you can establish the validity of the piece you cite. It will be difficult to establish a foundation in either direction based on technical documentation. You can use any one of the speaker design books available but you will have to tie it to the specific area you cite it in. Finding a definative authority other than perhaps some of PWK articles will be a challenge. You could cite the works of J.B. Lansing, Edgar, PWK as a horns vs non horns approach but then you are straying away form a bose/antibose arguement. You must also remove yourself in the pro/con arguments you establish until appropriate to avoid presenting a one sided article/discussion.

[skonopa]

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On 9/6/2004 12:56:50 AM kenratboy wrote:

0mg i wuld b all like bose is so krapy and stuf.

Like that? I am on some pretty good forums (photography, cars, etc.) and they are pretty good, but get onto a gaming forum, and people drop 50 IQ points...

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Ohhh man, does that remind me of this thread on the FredTalk forums. A kid looking for a "sk8 (skate) park". Since there are not many in this area, people suggested he propose something to city council, and started giving advice about how to go about it, ie. loose all the abbrevations he was using, dress up nice if planning to go to any council meetings, and so forth. He instead started copping this attitude and pretty much everyone then told him to take a flying leap.

Oh yeah, how to make a first impression on a message forum mostly used by adults, especially if you are trying to convince said adults to the benefits of installing a skate park, that often have negative preconceptions about skate parks in general and the typical cliental that uses them.

"lets keep this serious does ne1 knoe a way for us to get a sk8 park ne1 no a local company that might be willing to sponsor us kids to build this i was thinking a skate wave go to skatewave.com to see wut they offer and they have payment plans that would adjust to fit f'burg}

That was cut and pasted verbatum from the above linked thread. Notice the lack of punctuation and all the stupid abbreviations. He may think it is "cool" to write like that, but in reality, it only makes him look stupid and, as was already alluded to, an imbecile. I know I am preaching to the choir here, but for the love of God, do not put something like that in a paper!

[nicholtl]

Try the forums at http://forum.bodybuilding.com/ that I sometimes visit. It just reinforces the stereotype of weight lifters being big, dumb meatheads. But at least they do have one interesting forum, the sex forum. some pretty wild stuff in there. (and it says you have to be over 21. Yeah right!)