Never Solder While Drunk

[oldtimer]

Either that or drink until nothing matters, even a Thebes diatribe.

Funny that ray garrison thought i was channeling julian hirsch when i was really just channeling Faulkner all along...

[Klipschfoot]

Be ready to join in the fun at Pilgrimage 2008. The list of thoes who plan to attend will open soon!

Never Solder While Drunk

This is partly why I laughed out loud. This is what Friday is for! "Never (fill in the blank) While Drunk." Oh, the list could go on and on.

[Arky]

Thebes, you're a hoot!

[Travis In Austin]

I will now open up this lecture to questions from audience

Marty,

I went back to the original post because I laughed so much when you originally posted on this very important topic. However, you promised a future talk on safe sex, which I never saw discussed. I am sure you were side tracked by such things as keeping the twins in tow, ensuring the bar was well stocked and other such matters. I was always to shy to ask about such matters in biology, health and gym class, and so I was hoping to see the helpfull hints you were offering on the subject in order having to ask in front of everyone.

As you never followed up on that subject I guess I am forced to ask in front of the entire class:

Here goes, and I would really appreciate it if you would specify in your answers whether the information is comming from you, or the twins, as I believe the subject of Safe Sex is very important:

1. What is the maximum speed one should be driving while having sex

2. What is the maximum height one should attempt the act without using a net;

3. Under what situations would you reccomend wearing a helmut, no not that kind, the kind that you strap on under your chin.

Thanks in advance Professor,

Travis

[thebes]

Ah yes Safe Sex.

I’ll get to you specific questions in a moment Travis, but
first a little background on the historical origins of safe sex is in order.

Safe Sex started like many things during the golden age of
Greece. Various philosophers observed that
sex among men and women almost invariably resulted in the production of babies
and postulated that sex between men almost completely eliminated this side
effect.

This system worked very well until one day Plato was heard
to exclaim “I’ve got to get me some”. This publicly expressed carnal yearning
created a schism of sorts among the Greeks and soon resulted in the development
of different schools of thought such as the Sophists, the Cynics, The Liberaces
and my personal favorite the Wisenheimers.

Although the safe sex movement in Greece had resulted in
wonderful statues glorifying the “Greek Ideal’ the various bickering of these
schools of thought fractured Grecian harmony and led to their absorption by the
Romans.

Now the Romans never practiced safe sex and over time this
resulted in total moral rot, the collapse of their empire and the rise of the
Middle Ages.

During the Middle Ages, the preferred method of safe sex was
something called a “chastity belt”. This device was also known as the Iron Maiden”. It did not work very well but the overall
effect of women wearing a heavy iron truss for months on end did result in
unsightly broad hips and a consequent diminution of the production of babies.

Then along came the Renaissance where little safe sex was
practiced until the rise of the religious movement called
CalvinandHobbsinists. They practiced
safe sex by hitting people up side of the heads with big honkin bibles.

Now to the modern era of safe sex which was a direct
outgrowth of the rejection of the excess of “The Flappers” during the Roaring
Twenties. The scanty clothing worn by these ladies plus their tribal rights of
dancing (The Lindey Hop and the Charleston) resulted in a movement to apply
modern scientific methodology such as the “I Got Rhythm” method, The Pillory
and the most successful methodology: golf.

Now as to the specifics of your questions, Travis, I have
consulted with Professor Tickles and
Mistress Professor Tawny and will answer your questions as postulated.

1.
What is the maximum speed one should be driving while having
sex?

Tickles:
“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Tawny: “Get your sorry butt over to
the passenger side and I’ll show you how fast I can make this baby go”

Thebes: “A sedate 18 miles per hour
should do it

2.
What is the maximum height one should attempt the act without
using a net?

Tickles: “Trampolines, I just love
trampolines..Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Tawny:
“This is a bungee cord. This is a very tall bridge. Over we gooooooooooooo…

Thebes: “No higher than the kitchen counter”

3.
Under what situations would you recommend wearing a
helmet? No not that kind, the kind that you strap on under your chin.

Tickles: “Well I was visiting my Uncle Armstrong
up on the space station recently and I found that wearing a helmet kept my head
from hitting the ceiling, or was it the floor? I should have put helmets on my
high heels because one got stuck in something, which broke, and now the station
doesn’t fly quiet right and they asked me to leave. Oh this also helps answer question #2.”

Tawny: “For some reason Thebes always wears a
helmet when we are getting frisky

Thebes: “In the shower or within a half mile of
Tawny”

[oldtimer]

You left out the dark ages, during which it was too dark to find anyone to have sex with, safe or otherwise, hence the stasis of population.

as for soldering, drunken or otherwise, i need professional help.

[thebes]

Well OT I skipped over the Dark Ages because it was to dark to find it.

Sad to say but my hours preparing this lecture, and years of study to obtain a degree in history are being completly ignored by people more interested in a thread about measuring perception,. They seem to completly ignore the fact that perception and measurement are completly at odds with one another.

Even the fact that it has the word "SEX" in it seems to have had no affect on participation.

Perhaps we have discovered a new form of safe sex. Become an audiophile.