Rules Of Rural Indiana (Substitute Most Any State)

[BLSamuel]

Just got this from one of my cousins. Like me, born and raised in the country... edited a bit to replace football with basketball as this does refer to Indiana.

THE RULES OF RURAL INDIANA
ARE AS FOLLOWS:

Listen up City Slickers !

1.
Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2.
Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3.
Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt
road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you
drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4.
They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why
they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over
it. Don't like it? Rt. 70 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south.
Pick one.

5.
So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have
$150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6.
So every person in southern Indiana waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7.
If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3
does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8.
Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans &
cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner
bait shop.

9.
The "Opener" refers to the first day of
deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
November.

10.
We open doors for women. That is applied to all
women, regardless of age.

11.
No, there's no "vegetarian
special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and
pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12.
When we fill out a table, there are three main
dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and
ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati
call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13.
You bring "coke" into my house, it better
be brown, wet and served over ice.

14.
You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she
better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

15.
College and High School Basketball is as important
here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

16.
Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water
hazards -- it spooks the fish.

17.
Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities,
Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus
a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for
the holidays.

18.
We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air
Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by
the best.

19.
Turn down that blasted car stereo! That
thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than
we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.

20.
4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive
like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach
from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska,
worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups
with snow blades will have you out the next day.



A true Hoosier will send this on!!!

[Tom Mayer]

Can I add



21. Jesus saves or Jesus loves me road side billboads.

[SWL]

That's good blsamuel. []

[Groomlakearea51]

RURAL FLORIDA ADDENDUM....

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Rt. 70 goes east and west, US Highway goes north & south. I-95 is 50 miles away but you can make it in an hour or so.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $60,000 monster trucks, and bass boats that'll do 80 mph any day. And for a boat... that's flat out movin'...

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and hot sauce.. the red kind with Texas Pete on the label....

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the gators...

20. 12 inches of rain isn't really a disaster - it's an afternoon shower in hurricane season.

[Y][ip]

[darkside]

Haha! I love it, except being from the south (the deep south), there has to be a few changes....

5.
So you have a $100,000 car (that's the case where I live; rich yanks moving in all the time). We're not impressed. We have
$1500 rust buckets that only work 3 weeks a year. The cool dirt of a dirt road feels good on your bare feet anyways.

4.
They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why
they smell funny to you. But they're gonna smell delicious to us pretty soon. If you're a vegetarian. Get outta here. I-20 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south (I-65 if you're over in Alabama).
Pick one.

6.
So every person in central Georgia/Alabama waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.

15.
College, and High School FOOTBALL is as important
here as the Falcons and the, well that's it. Florida teams don't count.

20. A couple of puddles ain't a flood and an afternoon thuderstorm is always welcome. If you're afraid of lightning, you're outta luck. If a tree falls and you loose power, don't come cryin to us because we know how to survive a few hours without air conditioning. This is the south, it's supposed to be humid.

No offense to the Florida people, or the northerners, just good fun. And I say Alabama and Georgia because that's where my family is from and I spend a lot of time in both states. Thanks blsamuel!

[BLSamuel]

and bass boats that'll do 80 mph any day. And for a boat... that's flat out movin'...

WOO HOO! Many years ago I'd ride on a competition ski boat (on the engine cover, hanging on for dear life...) that topped out about 55 (and it got there very quickly) and I thought that was fast on the water. The driver (most of the time, and owners son) said they bypassed the governor once and got a bit scared when it started lifting out of the water at what they estimated was 60 to 65. Scary him was saying something as to put it nicely he was flat out nuts, in a fun way of course. [] Ever do a 180 in a ski boat going full throttle....80 on the water, that's just SICKas the kids would say, or maybe it's SICK in old fart speak...

for some reason I'm thinkin' of that redneck 4x4 swamp boat GLA51 had as his avatar for a short time... (dag nab it all ... the link to The Redneck Page, I think that may have been the one says forum not found, the same error I get when I try to update my profile... had to have Amy update my avatar)... maybe I was thinking on the limo on the 4x4 chassis used for tubing at The Redneck Page http://www.bradrand.com/Pages/redneck_page.htm The Redneck Page is a lot of fun if you've not visited before or in quite some time.

But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the gators...

[] I better stick to the driving ranges as my ball rarely misses the water. Don't think I want to tick off any gators.

[BLSamuel]

The cool dirt of a dirt road feels good on your bare feet anyways.

Get's downright cold up her in Hoosierland if you forget yer boots. But who needs brakes with a few inches of snow or an icy road anyway?

$1500? Man, that must be a nice ride.

[BLSamuel]

Here's the forum link to The Redneck Page thread. I get a forum not found error but maybe it'll work for others. Or not. http://forums.klipsch.com/msgs/default.aspx?MessageID=6#1011884

[darkside]

Yeah 1500 is pretty good I guess.

And it can get kind of cold here in the winter, cold enough to turn your feet to ice, but during the summer I go barefoot everywhere when I'm at home.

[BLSamuel]

Shoes are optional here in the summer. Though they make you wear 'em in all businesses that I'm aware of that doesn't involve swimming.

Gotta watch out for the gravel in the dirt roads though. Nice soft dirt does feel really good when braking but the feet get pretty sore if there's too much gravel or it's not really smooth...

Driving with bare feet here in the winter can lead to frostbite... or feel pretty good depending on the weather. Boots one day, bare feet the next. Crazy weather here in Hoosierland.

[darkside]

Yeah. "No shirt, no shoes, no service" is the general rule of thumb around here, except at the pool.

And yes, gravel is not fun, but it can be bearable for a little bit. The worst though are pine cones. Especially a freshly dropped, open one that hasn't been flattened yet. You step on that and OUCH, it doesn't feel good. Of course, if you've built up calluses on your feet like I have, you, at the least, won't bleed...

And we get crazy weather too. Just had a warm front come through. Before it was in the 40s (cold for us), rained like mad, and was in the mid 70s for a day or two. Now it's back into the mid 40s low 50s and WINDY