neo33 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Two blondes observed in a shopping mall's parking lot trying to unlock the door of their brand new Mercedes-Benz with a coat hanger: Blonde 1: "I can't seem to get this stupid door unlocked!" Blonde 2: "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, it's starting to rain and the top is down!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicholtl Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 How do you know if a blonde has been in the refrigerator? Lipstick on the cucumber. How do you keep a blonde busy? Put her in a circular room and tell her to pee in the corner. How do you know if a blonde has been at your computer? White-out on the screen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piranha Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 A blonde was pulled over for speeding. The officer walked up to her car and said, "Don't you know the speed limit is 55 miles an hour?" She replied, "Yes, but I wasn't going to be out that long. "I saw a close friend of mine the other day who happens to be blonde... I said "Samantha, why haven't you called me."... She said, "I can't call everyone I want... my (new) phone has no 'five' on it."... I said, "How long have you had it?"... She said, "I don't know... my calendar has no 'seven's on it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m00n Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 ---------------- On 6/9/2005 12:15:24 AM Piranha wrote: "I saw a close friend of mine the other day who happens to be blonde... I said "Samantha, why haven't you called me."... She said, "I can't call everyone I want... my (new) phone has no 'five' on it."... I said, "How long have you had it?"... She said, "I don't know... my calendar has no 'seven's on it." ---------------- At the risk of being ridiculed, I don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
customsteve01 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't get that one. m00n I was just going to ask, but you beat me to it. Steve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 why do blondes like convertibles? more legroom M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Champagne taste beer budget Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 A blonde female police officer pulls over another blonde female for speeding. "I need to see your drivers license please" she tells the driver. "I don't know if I have one" she replies. "You must have one someplace" the officer says, "Why don't you look in your purse, it's about this high and this wide, and has your picture on it" holding her fingers a short distance apart. The driver fumbles around in her purse, finds a compact mirror the right size and looks into it, seeing her reflection. She hands it to the officer and asks "Is this it?" The officer looks into the mirror, sees her own reflection and hands the mirror back to the driver. "I'm sorry, you're free to go. I didn't realize you were an officer too." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m00n Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Champagne taste beer budget VERY GOOD! One of the best I've ever heard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Champagne taste beer budget Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olorin Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Two blondes are walking in the woods when they come across some tracks. "Those are deer tracks," says the first blonde. "No, those are too large to be deer tracks," says the second. Those are elk tracks." "I've seen elk tracks before, and these aren't elk tracks. These are deer tracks." "No, they're elk tracks." "Deer tracks!" "Elk tracks!!" They were still arguing about it half an hour later when the train hit them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krispykoilz Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Thanks guys I needed that. I would have laughed at a good fart joke too though. "At the risk of being ridiculed, I don't get it." No names but are you blond? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m00n Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 ---------------- On 6/9/2005 2:15:25 PM krispykoilz wrote: "At the risk of being ridiculed, I don't get it." No names but are you blond? ---------------- Nope! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Champagne taste beer budget Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Me neithor, but after reading it 8 times, I still don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
customsteve01 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 maybe were not supose to get it. its a blonde joke only blonde get it Steve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m00n Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 ---------------- On 6/9/2005 8:57:06 PM customsteve01 wrote: maybe were not supose to get it. its a blonde joke only blonde get it Steve ---------------- Yeah I guess. I know if flew right past me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krispykoilz Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 "Nope!" hehe, how does that one go "not if I have to explain it to all of you". OK here's one, A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe "I'l just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!" The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!" The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heaven-ward in frustration ,she shouts out....................... "SH* T............THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.4knee Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Q) How can you tell when a blond has had a bad day? A) She has a t****n behind her ear and she can't find her pencil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynnm Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Two blondes had had a few drinks together and finally one asked: Tell me sumthing...Do you snmoke afsther sex? Goshh I dunno .... I've never looked! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krispykoilz Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 Here's the one I was thinking about. A blind man enters a "Ladies Bar" by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair (given that you are blind) that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares, "Nah....Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piranha Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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