OT: Going shopping with your wife?

[Groomlakearea51]

Thanks Harry!! This is too good not to "share"....[]

"Until recently, my wife has always insisted that I accompany her on her shopping trips. Unfortunately, like most men, I find shopping boring and prefer to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife loves to browse. Well, if you are bored, you need to take advantage of your situation and do something to keep yourself occupied. Well, I'm no exception. As it turns out, my creativity has reaped the desired reward; and yesterday evening, I was told that I don't have to head to the mall or anywhere else anymore, unless I really want to go shopping. My enquiring mind wanted to know what was up, so I asked my dear wife why this sudden change of "policy". She gave me the "look", and handed me the following letter from Wal-Mart."

Dear Mrs. ***,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.*** are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1.June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people' s carts when they weren't looking.

2.July2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3.July7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4.July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'

5.August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6.August 14: Moved the 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7.August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8.August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9.September 4th: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10.September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12.October 26: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna Look' by using different sizes of funnels

13.October 18:He hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed by, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. November 1: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

and last, but not least

15. November 2: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.

[Tom Mayer]

Now someone was thinking, I will go with 9,10 & 15. Smart man.

[Mr Tech]

Now that's funny ! [Y]

[jacksonbart]

Hey you got married be prepared to share. Its Top Notch.

[Me Loves Khorns]

TRULY FUNNY

[dtel]

That's funny, might have to try #1, wonder how many didn't notice till they got home, and tried to explain ?

[dougdrake]

Very funny! Although we know this letter is a fake because of two items which you would never encounter at Walmart - #6 (carpet) and #8 (a clerk offering to help).

[flatgrass]

Did your itinerary use to look like this?

[dougdrake]

I've seen the above diagram before, and I love it. But this is the first time I ever noticed that the red line never goes into the Gap!