Most receivers reference level volume is at 00. At least on Yamaha, Denon, and Pioneer. Before running the test tones the volume should be set at reference level, then balence all of the speaker levels. This has nothing to do with the volume number at which you watch movies. If you balence all of your speaker levels to 85db with the volume at -35 then when you push the volume to 00 or higher you will risk distortion, clipping, and speaker damage.
He can't set up his system by your numbers because he has different equipment in a different room.
Running the sub hot is a personal preference. Some people leave everything equally balanced and others prefer to run it hot. That too will depend on room and equipment.