chinoloco Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Hey everyone.... Its been a great time even though a short time on the forum. I am not gone but I will visit alot less frequent as I am going through major changes in life. I have decided to separate from my wife after 3.5 years of marriage. We are just too different people and its best to separate so we can both be happier. I guess I do not want to be those people who stay married for 25 years, end up hating each other and both people have wasted their lives for nothing. I told my wife, I am giving back her life. I am giving my wife the freedom to choose her own Path for once. She has always been dependent on her family and me. By forcing her to go out on her own path, she has been decidedly happier and so far, 2 days into the separation, she appreciates the fact she can do what she wants for the "first time" in 26 years. She is obtaining confidence and its great to see her want goals for once. She has pretty much always just did what her family thought it was best, never having to need to think for herself. I am relieved too because the arguing, yelling and resentment has stopped. I am actually more supportive of her as a separated husband/friend then as a husband. The past two days since the separation has been the best days in quite some time. Sorry for writing this to those people who are not interested. I just thought to thrown a note for those who got to know me a little bit and would wonder.. "where the in the world did he go"? I will still continue to occasionally visit. peace James Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fini Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 For most of us here, a separation might afford more, not less time on the forum. Good luck to you both. fini Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arthurs Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 good thoughts to you both... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garymd Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Good luck. I hope all works out for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m00n Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Sepparation does not need to end in divorce. Sometimes a little time appart allowing each of you to collect thoughts for a while is all you need. Good luck! I hope the two of you end up happy no matter what the outcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dougdrake Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 I don't know any specifics, and I tell this to anyone considering what you are considering. You got married for a reason. Go back and find that reason. Then go buy a book called "Communication, Sex and Money" by Edwin Cole. Read it yourself (don't ask her to read it) and read it for yourself. You're the only one that you can change. You may not agree with everything in it, but I know many, many couples who turned their situations around 180 degrees and are living a better marriage than ever before. Good luck, and God be with you both. Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m00n Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 ---------------- On 9/22/2003 10:57:16 AM dougdrake wrote: I don't know any specifics, and I tell this to anyone considering what you are considering. You got married for a reason. Go back and find that reason. Good luck, and God be with you both. Doug ---------------- I agree 100%. I think people need to do this periodically anyway. Doing so helps to keep you out of a bad situation. Why wait until it comes to this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arthurs Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Hey James, for what it's worth my wife and I separated and then divorced in an eerily similar fashion to what you are describing. Because we parted on reasonably good terms, we got back together four years later. That was 13 years and 2 kids ago, and we couldn't be happier. My point is I think you're taking a pretty sensible approach here, and Moon is right, you may be surprised where it leads you, it doesn't always mean all is lost. Keep a positive outlook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dodger Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Greetings: It is good that she will be able to feel a freedom away from her family. The wants, needs and cries can strengthen her, and perhaps bring the family closer to HER. I wish you the best and the two of you my very best. Perhaps one day down the line her new strength in deciding what she wants or who, may result in two being one again. Only YOU know how you feel and how you would feel if, in her newly found decision making, she decided that she wanted YOU in her life. My thoughts go with you and if I may use one quote that may be applicable to the relationship the two (2) of you have, or any relationship: "Love What We Lack, Like What We Share.....Correction Comes With Time To Spare... written by John B. Sebastian. Peace, Win dodger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j-malotky Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 I for one get a long a lot better with my X now than when we were married. I always hate to hear when a relationship comes to an end. And I hate giving advise since every two people and there circumstances are different than what I went through. Jeez, two days is just too soon to see if it is working yet. Hope it all works out. JM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 i wish the best for both of you. chinoloco-stay in touch, you are welcome to call/e-mail me. i want to offer more, but i'll keep it simple. avman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicholtl Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 Best of luck James. Whatever your decision, don't look back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
formica Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 ---------------- On 9/22/2003 10:57:16 AM dougdrake wrote: You're the only one that you can change. ---------------- So true... i had a difficult break-up several years ago... and I have to agree that every situation is different. Given the nice group of people here, I kinda wish I had discovered this place back then. Best wishes.. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chinoloco Posted September 23, 2003 Author Share Posted September 23, 2003 Thanks for the kind words and advice. The separation thing is going well under the circumstances. Sure there are tears.. but we get over them. We are better friends then a married couple. After she goes and returns from a short trip to China, I will probably go through a divorce. Thanks again for the words and advice. James Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dodger Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 James: All of us are only an email away. All Blessings and thoughts to you. Take Care - both of you. Win dodger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reel 2 reel Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 I went through a difficult time with my wife 10 years ago..and spent 8 months apart we found out what the problems were and worked them out...we have been together now for 22 years and married for 20...she is still my best friend.......good luck to both of you..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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