edwinr Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless you're at the footy, and your pies are getting wet, and then for the eating period only. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. ( The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. © After wrecking your boss' car. (d) One hour,12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". (e) When she is using her teeth. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. Whilst on the road, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. It is permissible to quaff a fruity cocktail only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos ever. Issue closed. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. Never put your arms around another man, ever. Unless: (a) You're going to drown. ( He just bought you the winning powerball ticket. © He just bought the winning powerball ticket. (d) You're trying to stop him grabbing the last beer. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours except if she's withholding sex pending your response. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have had drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, orange or sky blue. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hooting_monkey Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Kinda funny, I did buy my ex and Xbox for xmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Thanks Edwin, that list will be making the rounds today! Michael I love the 'down under' wording, especially the first item on the list. Priceless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toddvj Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 ...I don't know about that ice skating one. Those girls are hot, and they wear very nice outfits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 yeah, and the guys hold em by the xxxxx! M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m00n Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 ---------------- On 8/23/2005 9:29:09 AM toddvj wrote: ...I don't know about that ice skating one. Those girls are hot, and they wear very nice outfits. ---------------- AMEN. I watch just so I can perv out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Spinner Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 ---------------- On 8/23/2005 3:53:36 AM hooting_monkey wrote: Kinda funny, I did buy my ex and Xbox for xmas. ---------------- shoulda bought jewelery ....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunburnwilly Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Whats perverted about watching young , very fit women , in tight suggestive clothing , jumping and spinning and twirling and UH Bye ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hooting_monkey Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Yeah, but she woulda never worn it. Atleast with the Xbox I could play it too... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Mobley Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 what's a footy? and what kind of pies? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m00n Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 ---------------- On 8/23/2005 12:35:49 PM sunburnwilly wrote: Whats perverted about watching young , very fit women , in tight suggestive clothing , jumping and spinning and twirling and UH Bye ... ---------------- Well, exactly that.. They are young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunburnwilly Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Oh ... Now I see ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 footy - football, the British kind (soccer to us) pies- most likely eel pies or shepards pie (not the fruity types your mom made), you'd eat them if you were Australia instead of Hot Dogs or Nachos for normal fare during a match (game). Michael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krustyoldsarge Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 ---------------- On 8/23/2005 2:24:45 PM m00n wrote: ---------------- On 8/23/2005 12:35:49 PM sunburnwilly wrote: Whats perverted about watching young , very fit women , in tight suggestive clothing , jumping and spinning and twirling and UH Bye ... ---------------- Well, exactly that.. They are young. ---------------- Here in Korea you're likely to see a pair of girls on any street in front of a store promotion, sale, grand opening, etc., in skimpy suits dancing away to loud (highly distorted) techno. Gimmick to drag in the customers, but mostly noise pollution to me. The young generation here has been thoroughly brainwashed by the North to hate Americans, so the girls aren't usually worth troubling with, but once in a while I catch a smile on the sly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ironwoods Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 Hey, for the sake of mis-interpreted humor, I think the ice skating one may have been worded wrong, and should have read something like; "mens ice skating or gymnastics". Edwin, can you edit this, unless watching young, scantily clad girls jumping around is just wrong, down there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edwinr Posted August 24, 2005 Author Share Posted August 24, 2005 ---------------- On 8/23/2005 2:16:17 PM Tom Mobley wrote: what's a footy? and what kind of pies? ---------------- 'Footy' refers to a game of football. It's a form of rugby. Kinda like Gridiron. But whereas you Americans wear protective headgear etc, we Australians don't. You get things like 'gang tackles', where 3 or 4 players from the opposing team, run at the player with the football, and smash him to the ground. This is in the hope he'll drop the football. If he does drop the football, an opposing player grabs the football and runs at the other team. And so on, and so forth. This continues until all the players from the other team are broken, or dead, or whatever. The team with the most players that are unbroken or not dead, wins the game. The pie I am referring to is a meat pie. It's usually round, and normally contains some form of meat within a case of pastry. When you buy such a pie at a football game, it's not wise to ask what sort of meat it may be. The truth may frighten you. These pies are served at just above room temperature. This is so the pie can be gulped down in only a few mouthfuls and with as little chewing as possible. If you were silly enough to chew the pie, you may find, at no extra charge mind you, that the pie manufacturer may have thrown in some roughage - stuff like cats claws, rats tails, chicken feet, toe nail clippings, etc. You get the picture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edwinr Posted August 24, 2005 Author Share Posted August 24, 2005 ---------------- On 8/24/2005 7:19:33 AM ironwoods wrote: Edwin, can you edit this, unless watching young, scantily clad girls jumping around is just wrong, down there? ---------------- No probs. I've just edited it. My wife won't let me watch young, scantily clad girls, be it on the beach, or on television. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.