Parenting: The morning routine.

[maxg]

"The problem is, both my wife and I work, we have two children to get ready and out the door every morning. Our eight year old just pokes around in the morning. Example, I will get him a bowl of cereal for breakfast, I will head into the shower, after my shower I'll come back to see that it looks as if he's taken only two bites of his breakfast at best. It just irritates me to the Nth degree. I then get angry and harp on him to hurry. Every day it's like this. "

Ah I see the problem. In our house we breakfast together. If I leave my daughter (4 today, as it happens) at the table with a bowl of cereal I will come back to find said cereal everywhere but in her - usually mixed with the toast, some butter and whatever jams or honey were to hand.

When we are both present at least we get to watch how she does it.....[]

Seriously - worth making the time for a familly meal IMO. We do it at breakfast because we can never be certain we will both be back at home for the evening meal at the same time - although 2 family meals on the same day would not be a chore.

[cjgeraci]

Moon:

I can certainly relate. I went through a similar scenario again this morning. Everyone has good suggestions, but as Trey is, I am following this thread with some interest.

Max:

Good point. Some days achievable for us to do breakfast together, however; some days not really practical. Even though we always try to do dinner together, I am faced with similar timing issues as Moon is. Especially on days where the spouse has to be out the door at 6 a.m.

Carl.

[Buckeye_Nut]

I'm looking for input from existing parents,

parents whom have been in our situation and have found creative ways to

cope and fix the problem without yelling every morning at their kids.

The problem is, both my wife and I work, we have two children to get

ready and out the door every morning. Our eight year old just pokes

around in the morning. Example, I will get him a bowl of cereal for

breakfast, I will head into the shower, after my shower I'll come back

to see that it looks as if he's taken only two bites of his breakfast

at best. It just irritates me to the Nth degree. I then get angry and

harp on him to hurry. Every day it's like this.

I know there are obvious things we can do, but as I mentioned, I'm

looking for input from people who have been here, who have delt with it

in a productive and effective mannor while keeping everyone happy.

Thanks!

My kids will be 4 & 9 in may. I had a

lot of the same problems with oldest. Not so much for my little

one because we still dress him in the morning, and he'll scarf down

anything put in front of him.

As for my daughter, OMG............

We'd lay out her clothes and tell her to get dressed, and then 20

minutes later, I'd find her playing in her room still wearing her

jammies....etc, etc.. Same with eating and everything else so I

can relate. I started keeping closer tabs on her, and now those

problems are pretty much gone. Rather than waiting 20 minutes to

check her progress, I'd check in 5 and stuff like that. My

daughter now gets dressed, eats, does her hair, brushes teeth without

having to be told.

[Buckeye_Nut]

If he doesn't eat it during the time

allotted, pour it out and send him to brush his teeth, and head to the

car. No yelling, no atitude, just do it calmly. No child has ever

been under nourished with food in front of him. Eventually, he will get

hungry and eat, and/or learn time management.

I've always used a

similar approach. If they dont eat, I make it clear that this

will be their last chance until the next meal. This is

"especially" true if we're at a restaurant, and they dont touch their

meal......LOL If they dont want to eat, I dont make them or

create a big issue about it.

[pmsummer]

Seriously - worth making the time for a familly meal IMO. We do it at breakfast because we can never be certain we will both be back at home for the evening meal at the same time - although 2 family meals on the same day would not be a chore.

Bingo!

[kaiser SET say]

Great points all over the place here but I have a 3 (Aug 9) & 5 (May 27) and my father-in-law is a counselor and over the Masters program at a major University here in Arkansas.

He has been a wealth of knowledge for his daughter and I and I just want to let a few of you know you are on the right path to success.

Kids are so much smarter than we ever give them credit for!

The three most important things for us was.

1) Consistency in everything

2) Positive Reinforcement

3) The effects of making good decisions (Our jobs to map this out for them)!

And the most important and hardest thing for we parents is to never loose our bearing or cool! As I said they are very smart and once they know they are controlling you and the situation you in for a up-hill battle.

Just look back at Tom Adams post, he has it down pat and I'm quite sure he is a great parent and his chilren are far better for it[]

Always remember we are the grown ups[] My .02 fer what it's $

[dtel]

Edwin said,

Hang on. What if... after they're married the kids and their spouses move in with you? Then THEY have kids. Then it starts all over again! OMG!

---

YES VERY TRUE

BUT i have to say that it is much easier with grandkids and a LOT more fun.

I think it has a lot more to do with me being older and having more patience and time than when my kids were young.

Moon I don't know what to tell you because when our kids were young we never did seem to figure out how to keep it in control even somewhat. They would even fight about who sat by the car window or who took a bath first an night.

The bad news is wait till they get in the teens !

Like the saying goes "Hire a teen while they still know everything"

[Tom Adams]

There's some other things I'd like to mention:

First - never, never, never be afraid of admitting you were wrong. And when you're wrong, apologize to them immediately. Respect is earned and it's a two way street. I truly believe my step daughter respects me mostly because she knows that the times I've barked at her because I was taking my frustration of something else out on her, I immediately told her I was sorry, she did nothing wrong and what I did wasn't right. 99% of the time she tells me, "It's ok, you don't have to say you're sorry". OTOH, she knows that she gains respect when she gives it. Breaks my heart when I have to say, "I really don't care how you feel because you obviously don't care how your mom & I feel since you're not showing us any respect." Fortunately that's only had to happen two or three times. LOL.....Madison's Dad told my wife that after he busted his butt doing something stoopid (the man could eff up a ball bearing with a rubber hammer), Madison looked at him and said, "Well Dad, bad choices lead to bad things so your choice was a bad one." LMAO........

Something I've always tried to do and maybe it's only worked for me, so take this with a grain of salt. Whenever I feel Madison needs a good "come to Jesus" talk, we sit in the floor facing each other. I once read that in a confrontational setting, the person standing immediately not only commanded the power, but also sent a message of intimidation. So, my thinking is that if I want her to really listen and digest what I'm saying, I don't want her to feel threatened for then she'll just shut down being receptive. And during these talks, although I might be stern, I speak to her directly about what she did and speak to her as if she has some intelligence. No sarcasm or belittling or put down statements.

Tom

[kaiser SET say]

Suspicion confimed Tom[]

Now if I could just get Clarence to come to the Hope gathering so I could sit down face to face with him[]

See Clarence you can poke a little fun as long as its not malicious[]

[tarvy]

I agree with the respones here .I remember those days, although they weren't to bad. Maybe I got lucky. I do recall treating my boys not as equals but as individuals. I would explain Cause and effect to them in a way they understood. I understood you cant force someone to be hungry. I know I have never wanted to eat as soon as I woke up. I also explained to them what would happen at around 10 am if they didn't try and eat now. I explained if they weren't ready to go when the had to get to school, they would be home alone. I continued to explain what was wrong with that, I wouldn't be doing my job properly raising them. 2, there is laws for that stuff including truancy. If I didn't get up and go to work what would happen? to our house / home and right on down the line. They began to understand thats the way life works. I dont know ,they just seemed to get it. I'm glad cause in winter I would have to plow snow all night, my wife would go to work just about when I got home. I would lay on the couch half asleep, one eye half open as the boys got ready on their own , dressed ,ate, combed hair , brushed teeth and left when the clock said 7:45. I even taught them to watch the news to see if there was a snow day. When I heard the bus drive off the other eyed closed. They had learned to take care of themselves. The only thing I had to watch for was they didn't wear plaid with stripes lol !! haha