You Might Be a...........

[Groomlakearea51]

Here's a fun one in the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy and all those who believe that his approach to humor is by example.......

"You might be a.... Law Enforcement officer if....

You believe that 25% of all people you meet are a serious waste of protoplasm.

Your idea of a "good time" is a robbery and a great car chase at shift change.

You call for a records check on anyone that is real friendly toward you.

You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dead body parts over a gourmet meal (sit-down type! NOT the drive-thru).

You can identify the negative "tattoo to tooth" ratio just by looking at a person.

You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac over certain areas on Friday & Saturday nights.

You believe that having a "shallow gene pool" is probable cause to arrest someone.

You believe that the Government should require a permit to reproduce.

You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says "Boy, it sure is quiet tonite..."

You refer to your baton as your "Dork Slayer".

You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a pr*ck. (I was called a "redneck Ho’ dog mofo from hell" once...... I was so proud!!)

You have wanted to hold a seminar on "Suicide, getting it right the first time."

You believe that "too stupid to live" and "he needed killin" should be a valid jury verdicts.

You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably.

You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a particular bar.

You believe the dispatchers are possessed.

You think coffee should be available in I.V. form.

You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium salt lick.

You suddenly realize one night that you really are patrolling the Twilight Zone.

You have learned a lot about paranoia in strangers, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car.

You read your wife the Miranda Warning whenever she says, "we need to talk".

[mark1101]

......so what is your favorite kind of doughnut? What's the most doughnuts you ever ate in one sitting? []

[oldenough]

Hmm, funny in a way, but i think a lot of people might read it and say "Yeah that just about sums up my take on Cops"

[dtel]

That's funny, I can't imagine some of the funny and sad excuses for stupid actions you must get.

I was in an accident a long time ago because I fell asleep, I told the State Trooper when he asked me what happened, I said " I don't know I was sleeping " he just looked at me a little suprised and said, well I belive you. I think he was suprised I told him the truth, I think he was expecting a [bs] story ?

[Klipsched with Yamahas]

Well, my wife's so ugly I take her everywhere I go, just so I don't have to kiss her goodbye[]

[BLSamuel]

That's funny, I can't imagine some of the funny and sad excuses for stupid actions you must get.

I was in an accident a long time ago because I fell asleep, I told the State Trooper when he asked me what happened, I said " I don't know I was sleeping " he just looked at me a little suprised and said, well I belive you. I think he was suprised I told him the truth, I think he was expecting a story ?

You too dtel? I think I fell asleep once too. Had visited some friends for the weekend, very little sleep. Stopped at an Uno's Pizza (in Indy - heavy Chicago deep dish pizza - they screwed up our order so offered free desert, so naturally we all got one, then not thinking took my evening meds as supposed to take at least one for food - including the one that may cause drowsiness - doesn't when I want it too) getting close to home, just before we're to turn off the 4 lane divided highway (near the stoplight to turn just before Kokomo IN, a town the truckers call stoplight city) fighting the oncoming nap attack thinking I'm gonna stop up here and get some fresh air as it was pretty cold. Next thing I know I'm sliding towards a sign post in the median, whacks the drivers door smack in the middle, maybe my head a bit, the window glass flying everywhere, back towards our own side of the highway, almost launched going ovver the crossover, then the pile of snow on the other side, managing to stop before heading back onto the highway. I believe in sight of our stoplight. I think maybe one small nick and just a little blood. Wide awake after that. Woke everyone else up too. The jury's still out whether it knocked some sense into me or out... Yep, told 'em the whole story. The officer was very pleasant, the insurance people were too (hope I didn't give them more info than they asked for).

Thankfully wasn't going too fast and really thankful for the sign post as would've probably hit something head on or gotten t-boned at an angle had we made it to the oncoming lanes. My experience with police / sheriff (not a lot) that if you tell them truth at least they're nice

Of course encountered a couple that were along the pr*ck line or a bit condescending, enjoying the making ya squirm, but still pleasant... most recently a couple of years ago my wife was pulled over driving around Nashville. One of those times we were talking and not really sure how fast she was going... don't think we were passing many if any other vehicles... you were going this fast, ma'am I could haul you in for recklessness, etc, etc, (probably true if his radar detector was correct and was aimed at our vehicle) but one of those times ya got the feeling we were just going with the flow and slowed down and pulled over to get out of the way so probably just picked the 1st vehicle to pull over or slow down

Around these parts, the city police are terrible about not using their turn signals and love to follow people through town dangerously close. Even at slow city speeds, one should be able to see the front bumper of the car behind I'd think or most of the hood. If I could stop to avoid a child running in the street, the police car would push me into him or her anyway - (sorry for the ranting, probably only one or two that do that)

Or the time I was taking our van with dying alternator to the repair shop. Waved into the parking of a city park on that corner of town lot with 6 or 7 cars already stopped. Stopped another 6 or 7 before my wife who was following 10 minutes or so behind caught up. Then after giving me my ticket, yes I explained I had no idea as I was trying to get to the repair shop as my alterator was dying - made a smart a** remark that I should keep my foot on the gas as my alternator (and trashed battery) finally gave out (all I could do to smile and bite my tongue to avoid the nasty sarcastic wasn't that what got me in trouble in the 1st place? Connected my jump box and left it in place to get to the repair shop. Should've complained or showed up to court for that as yeah, that was kind of funny, but rubbing it in a bit too much - and a stupidly expensive ticket, near of over $100 - my wife's ticket in Nashille only cost $40 - go figure

Got to the repair shop, oh yeah, they reel 'em in by the lot full at that park every so often, naturally I don't take that route into town too often.. must've been quota day. I should've went to court for that one - at least seen if the officer bothered to show, and if he felt at least a bit embarassed about his attempt at humor - no show I'm off scott free

Found out the last couple of years that thankfully I don't have sleep apnea (stop breathing many times during night though my wife swears she's witnessed it, but occasionally I find myself thinking about breathing when I can't fall asleep... and then don't for a few seconds) but then a follow up nap test to find that I do fall into REM sleep way too fast compared to normal people (that would explain my napping in class in high school) - no narcolepsy where it's instant nap attack but normal people don't snooze that quickly and into REM - of course the Dr's response is more meds (1 to 2 a day, rarely more than one but does help) not really a problem driving unless I'm really tired (in 20's and 30's could drive all night with decent music via tape, cd, or mp3 player, now I'm done driving around 12 - 1, maybe 2 with normal night's sleep - usaully up late the night before road trip getting ready - thankfully with an mp3 player I don't have to pack the music - litterly a shopping bag full of CD's a couple of times) radio was a bit difficult through parts of the south (and north too) as I'm not very appreciative of country music... especially to drive to - something about that twangy voice that just kinda lulls me to sleep ... kind of like watching a Cubs game on tv growing up - rarely saw the end

(see what I mean about too much information when I'm tired - I hope this at least relieves my stress... of course, noone has to read it - maybe even therapeutic - see hon, I'm no where near as screwed up as this nut case ...)

so when ColterPhoto1 welcomed me to the madness, I felt right at home, madness, yeah, that's the word for it...

ps. Love the posts.... I can only imagine what you and other officers have heard. Around here the police (or sherrif's deputies, or both) like to hang out at a local restaurant in the am at least that has really good biscuits and gravy ... don't drive by the donut shops too often .. .though I think a Dunkin' Donuts is coming to town. Haven't had one since I lived her (14 years now) but did 20+ years ago as I remember stopping there while driving through

[Groomlakearea51]

......so what is your favorite kind of doughnut? What's the most doughnuts you ever ate in one sitting?

Guess I'm just doughnut challenged!! Just way too much sugar for my liking.. But... never met a cup of good hot coffee that I didn't like[]