Why Children Really Need To Move Out When They are 18+

[BLSamuel]

I tried this but the princess got really pissed off at me.... Geesh! No sense of humor.....

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

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APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________  WEIGHT____________  IQ__________  GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________  CITY/STATE___________  ZIP______

Do you have parents?               ___Yes  ___No
Is one male and the other female?  ___Yes  ___No
If No, explain:
       ______________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
       ______________________________________________________________

       ______________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van?              __Yes  __No

B. A truck with oversized tires?                    __Yes  __No

C. A waterbed?                                      __Yes  __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?            __Yes  __No

E. A tattoo?                                        __Yes  __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,               __Yes  __No
   pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? 

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION: 

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

       ______________________________________________________________

       ______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

       ______________________________________________________________

       ______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

       ______________________________________________________________

       ______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

       father? _____________

       mother? _____________

       pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: 

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

       ______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

       ______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

       ______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

       ______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

       ______________________________________________________________

       ______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

       ______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________      ________________________________
Mother's Signature                   Father's Signature

_______________________________      ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                  State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)

Do you suppose it's too late to use this on our oldest daughter's fiance?

[BLSamuel]

I tried this but the princess got really pissed off at me.... Geesh! No sense of humor.....

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

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... 

Do you suppose it's too late to use this on our oldest daughter's fiance?

Attached as PDF for anyone wishing to use.

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter.pdf

[BLSamuel]

All fun aside Marshall I'm sure your princess will come around and figure things out. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Our oldest had an aborted 1st start at college but came back home, back in school for the second semester last winter and just completed the 1st semester this year and is doing well.

[Groomlakearea51]

All fun aside Marshall I'm sure your princess will come around and figure things out. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Our oldest had an aborted 1st start at college but came back home, back in school for the second semester last winter and just completed the 1st semester this year and is doing well.

I think she's on the right track.... She emailed Momma (key word - Mommy - as in not me....) and hinted that a care package would be nice..... My first inclination was to send her a bag of charcoal briquets with a note that they would help her cut the cost of electricity when cooking cheap hot dogs on a $10 Walmart grill..... [6]

Lately, and as the "Minion David" inferred, she has "crapped in her mess kit" way too many times in the last year, and there will be consequences. She don't talk to me much right now.... Momma's weak.... I'm not.... 18 years old? Live in my house for which I pay the mortgage, the food, the auto payment and the insurance, then there's gonna' be a contract.... Go to school full time and get A's and B's.... or hit the road and do it your way...

[Invidiosulus]

How does one go about obtaining a minion?

I assume they are needed for being an evil overlord but what other uses do they have?

-JPB

[BLSamuel]

I think she's on the right track.... She emailed Momma (key word - Mommy - as in not me....) and hinted that a care package would be nice..... My first inclination was to send her a bag of charcoal briquets with a note that they would help her cut the cost of electricity when cooking cheap hot dogs on a $10 Walmart grill.....

Lately, and as the "Minion David" inferred, she has "crapped in her mess kit" way too many times in the last year, and there will be consequences. She don't talk to me much right now.... Momma's weak.... I'm not.... 18 years old? Live in my house for which I pay the mortgage, the food, the auto payment and the insurance, then there's gonna' be a contract.... Go to school full time and get A's and B's.... or hit the road and do it your way...

Sounds like she's on the right track though it may be shall we say bumpy for a while. A little schooling from the school of hard knocks is probably good for everyone. Welcome to the real world princess. That would've been a small bag of briquets I hope? Shipping a 20 pounder could be kind of expen$ive and might be considered as a crack in your armor developing.

Hope her providing entertainment for your drooling guests' travelling companions didn't turn her away. I saw her roll her eyes the same way Team SWMBO's and Spaniard's (one of the kids' nicknames for Alba the FES who was with us - she's supposed to be visiting this summer, maybe for a month ..) eyes rolled when I first visited "The Wall of Boudoir" and "The Wall of Voodoo". LOL. They did enjoy riding the horses. While they loved Wolf and Don K the entertainment subsided after a few minutes... but they still want a donkey. Maybe Alba will want to see some big alligators so if we could manage a trip to visit the father-out-law I can find an excuse for a side trip to Okeechobee. I won't tell them the shopping is limited to Wally World...

I think they sometimes just gotta learn on their own.... I'm sure she'll think your much smarter in a few years... hopefully 1 or 2 but definitely when she has teenagers.

[BLSamuel]

How does one go about obtaining a minion?

I assume they are needed for being an evil overlord but what other uses do they have?

-JPB

Yes. Do share please. I could make quite good use of a minion myself. And I promise, you won't have to follow me with a drool rag the next time I visit....

[Islander]

How does one go about obtaining a minion?

I assume they are needed for being an evil overlord but what other uses do they have?

Check the Classified section of the Super-Villain forum for starters.

Minions can mow the lawn, keep your compound's perimeter secure, all the usual stuff.

[Groomlakearea51]

Minion = Understudy, future replacement if all goes well. Minions have to be fed, told they are doing a great job, and slowly but surely assigned tasks of ever increasing complexity to make sure when the Evil Overlord departs the scene (as in retires...), the Minion does not call the Evil Overlord evry 5 minutes for "solutions" that the Minion should be able to handle....

[H]