oscarsear Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 A wry bit-O-humor..... Communication and its reply for marital tech support inquiry. ------------------------------------- Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from GIRLFRIEND 7.0 to WIFE 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, WIFE 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as POKER NIGHT 10.3, FOOTBALL 5.0, FISHING 7.5 and RACING 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep WIFE 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to GIRLFRIEND 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on WIFE 1.0. Please help! A Troubled User ----------------------------REPLY Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem men complain about. Many people upgrade from GIRLFRIEND 7.0 to WIFE 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. WIFE 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run EVERYTHING!! It is also impossible to delete WIFE 1.0 and to return to GIRLFRIEND 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from this system once installed. You cannot go back to GIRLFRIEND 7.0 because WIFE 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your WIFE 1.0 manual under WARNINGS-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep WIFE 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "YES DEAR" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. WIFE 1.0 is a great program, but tends to be very high maintenance. WIFE 1.0 comes with many support programs, such as CLEAN and SWEEP 3.0, COOK IT 1.5 and DO BILLS 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NAG NAG 9.5. Once this happens the only way to improve the performance of WIFE 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend FLOWERS 2.1 and DIAMONDS 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SECRETARY WITH SHORT SKIRT 3.3. This application is not supported by WIFE 1.0 and will casue irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of Luck Tech Support Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Dee Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 Oscarear. Thanks. This is hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WMcD Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 I had similar problems. The system became unresponsive. Cloning functions could not be accessed. The Help fuction would only return "If you don't know the problem, I can't tell you." There were sucessive "blue screen of death" even after all attempted re-boots. The final message was that it wanted another sysop. Sometimes you have hunt around for a new computer. But that one was a Cray. Broke my heart. Smile and sniffle. Gil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverSport Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 Gil: It's like you KNOW me...snif, sniff!...That's my story... Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 ROTFLMAO!!!! Great thread, especially Gil's. In my case, Ducati 7.48 has spawned the ColdShoulder daemon and I can't seem to Kill it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymous Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 does anyone else have a problem with BUY 9.8? i can't seem to get that one under control!!!! hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelerFan Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 That's a hoot. Luckily I never upgraded up to WIFE 1.0. Now my crazy brother went through hell trying to delete WIFE 1.0 from his computer while still being able to run CHILDREN 3.0. Cost him a fortune and some WIFE 1.0 applications still arise and cause trouble when he runs CHILDREN 3.0. Darned if the crazy SOB didn't then upgrade to WIFE 2.0 who in turn installed her own CHILDREN 2.0 on his system! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lipinski Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 Ya'll are killin' me. This is hilarious. This software is way to prevelant. Somebody's going to get very rich if they can write the software that prevents this stuff from being downloaded without our permission. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3dzapper Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 Can anybody offer me any advice on how to install VPI Scoutmaster 1.0 on a cranky old Wife 1.0 system? The Wife 1.0 has run well for thirty four years it is just this recent snag that has me buffaloed. In the past, Flowers 1.0 and Diamond 1.0 have failed in similiar download attemts such as New Boat 3.0. I think Wife 1.0 is getting me primed for New Car 6.0 for the operating system with the old "cannot be afforded now" error screen each time I mention turntable. Rick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dodger Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 ---------------- On 2/26/2005 8:57:53 PM silversport wrote: Gil: It's like you KNOW me...snif, sniff!...That's my story... Bill ---------------- I think we have triplets here. But I found some peace in accepting and enjoying the time that we had together and what I learned. Sometimes we know why, sometimes we learn later. My best Gil and Bill. Win Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsear Posted February 27, 2005 Author Share Posted February 27, 2005 WELL,...gentlemen, on along around 22 years of 28 my WIFE 1.0 operating system became stuck while running NAG NAG 1.0. Then at year 26 it must've picked up a virus cuz it morphed into CRABMASTER 10.5 necessitating a system meltdown and replacement. Subsequent WIFE 2.0 had STEREO 9.3 installed while still in the GIRLFRIEND 7.0 operating status....thus the appropriateness of the upgrade. Now all is well and I've installed the requisite virus protection and spyware to avoid any repeat occurences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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