Deang Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 A wealthy lawyer was being driven by his chauffeur when he passed two men that appeared to be grazing in the grass on a hill by the side of the road. He had the driver stop and back up, he asked the men why are you doing this? The men explained they had no money for food, and after a while grass was all they could find to eat. The Kind lawyer was overwhelmed by a new feeling, a wave of genuine compassion struck him and he said come with me, I will help feed you. The men said, we cant go, our families are over there under a tree, they were too weak to climb the hill to eat the grass. The kind lawyer said, get them down here too so the men slowly got their very weak families loaded into the limo and they began to roll.After a few miles, the small child said thanks so much for helping us, we were starving for days.The Kindly lawyer replied, oh your quite welcome, my grass is over a foot tall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fish Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Now THATS funny.Once again lawyers save Americans,how can we ever thank em'.I've got a few ideas but most are not socially acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Adams Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 LOL.......Nice one Dean. Actually, I do believe that lawyers have helped this country. Unfortunately, those who've made a contribution are far outweighed by those who've not. Tom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Matthews Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 That was a good one, Dean! So, true. So, true. And who wouldn't? [] By the way, on the comment of more lawyers hurt America than help. It's far the other way around. This great legal system of ours is the best in the world because of our lawyers. Nobody will ever achieve a system of scientific or God-like perfection, but we're about as close as we can get. Thanks to all our lawyers - and juries, folks. Don't forget about juries. They are comprised of people like you - believe it or not. There's a huge sweep going on in America to deprive people of having their cases decided by juries (replacing juries with arbitration and damages caps). The jury of one's peers is the most effective system of justice in the world - bar none. Remember, when there's caps, there's limits on jurors' discretion to administer justice. Instead, the legislature is taking on an increasing role in our court system of doling out justice for particular cases with some weak attempt at a one-size-fits-all legislation. Not to mention, the legislature, by its very existence and purpose, is to promote an agenda. Watch what's going on in the legislature. The jury system is fast-dying. All of our judges here in Houston are Republican. But I don't know one of them who really thinks this tort-reform thrust is not a bunch of crap. That's right! Republican judges, whose business it is to umpire the rendition of justice, also know full-well that tort-reform is a scam on our system of justice. Long lives lawyers and long live juries in America! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rplace Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Q: Ya know how to tell if a lawyer is lying? A: If his lips are moving! Q: Do you know the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? A: The lawyer takes off his wing tips at the end of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Matthews Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Client: I know this is bad. How much is this going to cost me? Lawyer: How much ya' got? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deang Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 I have no problem with good lawyers and good judges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Matthews Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 I have no problem with good lawyers and good judges. Oh, I know Dean. We lawyers take the brunt of alot of jokes. I'm a joker, too! See my previous post! To support what you said, Dean, they've actually done surveys on this topic. I won't quote exact questions or exact results, but they are in this nature: Lawyers are unethical: 65% said yes. My lawyer is ethical: 85% said yes. Go figure.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardhead Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A: Three. The rest are true stories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Matthews Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 CEO: Get my CPA in here! CPA: What can I do for you, sir? CEO: I need an answer quick. What's 2+2? CPA: It's somewhere between 1 and 4, depending upon how you amortize it to remove any effects of cyclical, seasonal factors. CEO: Get my Engineer in here! Engineer: Yes, sir? CEO: What's 2+2? Engineer: Depending upon whether the numbers are whole numbers or were previously rounded, the answer is between 3 and 4. CEO: Where's the lawyer! Lawyer: Is something wrong, sir? CEO: We're in a bind and need a quick answer. What's 2+2? Lawyer: What do you want it to be? [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rplace Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Isn't it nice that in these oh so politically correct days we still have lawyers to make fun of. I remember the day when every ethnic group, religious sect, age group and sexual orientation was fair game. Thaks for being there for us all you lawyers![{] [}] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillH2121 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 I too am a lawyer and I enjoy all the lawyer jokes as much as anyone. However, what I have noticed is that a lot of people complain about unethical, mean, etc, lawyers until they're the one in trouble - then they want the meanest sob there is to save their rear-end - no complaints about how it gets done. If you doubt me, just visit any divorce court in the US and take in the show. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Matthews Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Yes, sir-reee-bob! My favorite is x-examination. I love to watch that little "snot-bubble" come out when you pop them in the gut with a hard question. Sends a rush up my spine every time. I've had jurors absolutely laugh and roll their eyes at some of the poor slobs! [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurenc319 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Hi, Guess the average cost per person per year in the US of Tort litigation 10 dollars 50 dollars 100 dollars 250 dollars 500 dollars 1000 dollars 2500 dollars The answer is here http://www.ncpa.org/iss/leg/2002/pd050802g.html and here http://www.forbes.com/archive/forbes/2002/0513/090.html;jsessionid=i7iF446GN6ddVlzx?token=NCBKYW4gMjAwNiAyMTo0ODo0NyArMDAwMA%3D%3D Now tell me tort litigation is not a drag on our economy Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Matthews Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Hi, Guess the average cost per person in the US of Tort litigation 10 dollars 50 dollars 100 dollars 250 dollars 500 dollars 1000 dollars 2500 dollars The answer is here http://www.ncpa.org/iss/leg/2002/pd050802g.html and here http://www.forbes.com/archive/forbes/2002/0513/090.html;jsessionid=i7iF446GN6ddVlzx?token=NCBKYW4gMjAwNiAyMTo0ODo0NyArMDAwMA%3D%3D No tell me tort litigation is not a drag on our economy Larry Now, let's see. First, it assumes the "cost" is undeserved. Hey, if you broke it, you should pay to fix it - that's simple tort law. Hmmmmm..... wonder where the money goes...... maybe... ............ into the pockets of...... ............. tort victims and those who helped them get compensation. Wonder if the money just "dies" and is "sucked out of the economy" when it gets in the pockets of others... Hmmmmm...... I guess those people don't buy goods and services and put the money right back into the economy. No, the money just "disappears." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurenc319 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Tort lawyers don't create wealth, they just redistribute it. I becomes a cost to the rest of us that pay for it by paying higher prices for goods and services as the cost of litigation is passed on. The amount of wealth that seems in our country compared to the rest of the world, excessive. The cost of torts is project to be 2.4 percent of our GDP in 2005. That's more then 1000 per person per year. The injured in our society deserve to be compensated. It's up to all of us through our legislative system to determine if we as a society want to continue to keep paying at this level. I for one think the cost is too high. Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Dee Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Do you know why a shark WILL NOT attack an attorney? ..... professional courtesy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Spinner Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 No ......Tell me, Daddy .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Matthews Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 The cost of torts is project to be 2.4 percent of our GDP in 2005. That's more then 1000 per person per year. Larry Golly! You mean 2.4% of our GDP is just sucked right out of the economy? I'd say the recipients of that money are either your customers or your employer's customers. Their money is what keeps you in business or in a job. As far as wealth redistribution - spot on! Take wealth from the one who caused loss, and compensate the person who suffered the loss. Nothing wrong with that. You just get too caught up in the flair of newspaper articles that blow things out of proportion. Do you really think an average day in a downtown metropolitan courthouse results in another McDonald's coffee case? No. That's why you don't hear about 99.99999% of what really happens in the legal arena. It's not interesting enough. BTW: even the McDonald's coffee case was not too out of hand. Read up on the full details. Try to find something with a case description from the plaintiff's perspective, so at least you get the full argument from both sides. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrestonTom Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Why are these tired jokes in the "2 channel forum" ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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