r.cherry Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 brief history: i am 50 taking my last class to get my associates degree in drafting and design with an architecture major. actually have met all requirements, just need to be "currently enrolled" to graduate. missed the deadline to submit my petition to graduate so i have to take a class this summer quarter. anyway i decided to take a digital media class, looked fun and what the heck stuff could very well be applied to things i do right now. so i'm off to class... every monday 9:00-1:00, ouch, bad time for a small business contractor but oh well got to do it. last monday: day one enter class to see a very fine looking woman teacher/professor? tall, red hair, smart, and very pretty. one of our assignments was to email her so she could tell us of unexpected changes to the schedule etc. so i took this assignment a bit further and told her that i thought she was attractive. i didn't get aggressive, lewd, threatning, or anything in anyway obsene. today: day two sherriff at the door, asking me to accompany him to so and so's office....ok i say i get to the dean of students office and meet a very nice guy with a copy of my email. he says do you know why you are here? i have an idea i said. long story short, he also thinks she is attractive and that she over reacted to my email, we are both approximately the same age and that he saw no problem with what i had said to her whatsoever. she on the otherhand was pushing for me to be kicked out of school w/o my degree due to my "agressiveness" when did it become big deal for one adult to tell another that they look nice? i meant nothing but na compliment. now i am in the sh!t house. oh well at least i said what was on my mind. guess i'll be taking another class this fall... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whamo Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Wow! There's this grey area there and unfortunately they control it. That's very unfortunate and kinda funny too. I'd just be worried about legal ramifications like she's scared. It's too bad that things are so messed up like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.cherry Posted June 26, 2006 Author Share Posted June 26, 2006 exactly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 It's so wonderful what the internet has done to interpersonal communications. Teenage girls keep 8 boys at bay on IM lines, people type instead of talking. Emails take the place of handwritten notes. Grammar and spelling take a total backseat to the new computer-speak shorthand. And fear is in everyone's hearts because a few weirdos now have access to everyone in the fricken world. 'Cancel my subscription to the resurrection' - Jim Morrison. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WMcD Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Rich, Let me be a bit harsh. Your post should have been entitled, "How was this not a stupid thing for me to do." Gil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvel Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 As innocent as it may have seemed to you, I would say that you crossed a line that you shouldn't have. First between a student and a teacher, and secondly, in that setting, between a male and female. An HR director would have a field day with that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.cherry Posted June 26, 2006 Author Share Posted June 26, 2006 hey call me stupid it won't be the first time, really i fail to see how this was "bad". all she had to do was come over to me and say something like backoff or no thanks or perhaps, this was inappropriate....anything.... live and learn i guess, chalk another lesson up for stupid guy... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wuzzzer Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Maybe deep down she's hiding something...like the desire to really be a gym teacher. [+o(] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest " " Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 You did not say if the e-mail boxes were school provided or personal IPS accounts. Might be a school policy to automaticlly report this type of stuff and not respond at all. Policy does not discriminate, report if you are a 20 year old student or a 50 year old one. Institutional e-mails systems are subject to monitoring and during login, usally indicate that the users of the system do not have a right to privacy. Emails from students, like yours, once read, have to be reported. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvel Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 You did not say if the e-mail boxes were school provided or personal IPS accounts. Might be a school policy to automaticlly report this type of stuff and not respond at all. Policy does not discriminate, report if you are a 20 year old student or a 50 year old one. Institutional e-mails systems are subject to monitoring and during login, usally indicate that the users of the system do not have a right to privacy. Emails from students, like yours, once read, have to be reported. Only if that were in the school's policy. We have nothing in the policy manuals at the school where I work. There are specific things a user can/cannot do. Flattering a teacher isn't against the rules where I work. It isn't against the law as far as I know, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Dee Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Rich, I am sorry to hear about this. I hope this resolves without causing you any difficulty for graduation. The professor's reaction may well be an over-reaction, but that judgement one way or the other would not be meaningful without reading the actual content of the note. That is not an invitation to post the note nor do I think it would be helpful or appropriate to do that here. My point here is that any judgement from forum members is based on their on assumptions about the content of the note. One thing about the situation that is somewhat odd is the strength of her reaction to the note. In a school situation, it is the professor/teacher who really has the power. For example, it would be REALLY inappropriate for a faculty member to comment on the attractiveness of a student. There really is a double standard, and good reasons for it considering the power differential between faculty and students. Same deal with bosses and supervisors dealing with underlings. No boss sues the underling for sexual harassment because the underling doesn't have the power in a work setting. The boss could come after the underling for stalking or some other threatening behavior, but not because the boss is "uncomfortable" with a single expression by the underling. In this case, the prof's reaction would be reasonable, IMO, if there were something in the note that is a threat to the teacher. From your description of the note, her reaction does sound like an over-reaction. I don't have a clue as to whether her reaction will get any traction which could actually keep you from graduating. If it does, your response to her complaint could make the difference in an acceptable outcome or not for you. I'd suggest to be prepared to apologize. I am sure you would be truthful in saying you are sorry to have said anything which would hurt or offend. Further, that you have learned that you would not do this again and that you're sincere desire is for the school to be a safe place for all. Some folks would fight for their rights for free speech and graduating be damned. I'd suggest, do what it takes to get your paper and get out of there. Hope it works out in a good way for you. This is one very rugged situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WMcD Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Okay. Maybe "stupid" was a poor choice of terms. Perhaps "unappreciative of the situation" would have been better. I think you failed to realize that you triggered an "us versus them" war. You were the "them". The campus sees the teacher as "us". Lack of good will on your part is assumed. Lack of appreciation on their part can be assumed. The situation factors are: Hitting on a teacher. Everyone on campus is protective. The campus cops would just love to nail anyone who vaguely resembles a threat. They have a degree requirement to hold over your head. It is a poor situation overall. Still, you should have realized that what you did was like talking about a bomb while standing in line at airport security. All the cards are in their favor. I'd say: You may have to ingest excriment for now. Get your degree. Thereafter, send the lady flowers and ask for a date. Do not contribute to the alumni association. Gil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardhead Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 It's a different world these days. Your e-mail was, to be charitable, inappropriate, especially considering the situation. The reaction to your e-mail was, to be charitable, excessive, although there may be something in the lady's or the school's history that prompted the reaction. You also have to understand that, as the lady's employer, the school has to protect her from anything she may perceive as sexual harassment or she can sue the school. Obviously, she has a pretty low threshold, and this is very tricky legal ground. Of course, the woman's militancy suggests a host of other possibilities; just consider yourself lucky you didn't get kneed in the groin, and learn from the experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest " " Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 You did not say if the e-mail boxes were school provided or personal IPS accounts. Might be a school policy to automaticlly report this type of stuff and not respond at all. Policy does not discriminate, report if you are a 20 year old student or a 50 year old one. Institutional e-mails systems are subject to monitoring and during login, usally indicate that the users of the system do not have a right to privacy. Emails from students, like yours, once read, have to be reported. Only if that were in the school's policy. We have nothing in the policy manuals at the school where I work. There are specific things a user can/cannot do. Flattering a teacher isn't against the rules where I work. It isn't against the law as far as I know, either. I understand your point. Just providing an alternate view of things. I am sure, if you look, you find some generic language about sexual harasment. If not, in other parts of the country, policy manuals contain the folloing language, which basiclly says if it is unwelcomed, it's harassment. In a lot of metro areas, mandatory training and grievence proceedures are conducted as well. Check out the last couple of lines. ///////////////////////////////////// Sexual harassment can occur in a variety of circumstances, including but not limited to the following: The victim as well as the harasser may be a woman or a man. The victim does not have to be of the opposite sex. The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, an agent of the employer, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or a non-employee. The victim does not have to be the person harassed but could be anyone affected by the offensive conduct. Unlawful sexual harassment may occur without economic injury to or discharge of the victim. The harasser's conduct must be unwelcome. It is helpful for the victim to inform the harasser directly that the conduct is unwelcome and must stop. The victim should use any employer complaint mechanism or grievance system available. /////////////////////////////////// Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jheis Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 OK, as I recall, this was your FIRST assignment? Had you even spoken to this woman before you sent her the come-on (albeit mild) email? Sounds like she didn't even know who you were - being hit on through an email from someone you don't know is just kind of creepy - I suspect it would bring out a strong sense of self preservation in me. And, if she is attractive as you say she is, who knows what she's been through before with obsessive would-be suitors, stalkers, etc. Or, on the other hand, maybe she's gay & just isn't looking for male attention. Geeze, at least talk to her first. Obviously there was a lack of rapport - to put it mildly. James Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldbuckster Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I think you had a lack of judgement, What if she is married, or engaged, did you think about that?How many times do you think she's been hit on? It's a crazy world out there, and you really can't blame her for protecting herself. What if she was your wife, or daughter, you would feel different I bet. Brush it off, lesson learned, you won't do that again. Another view, she missed a chance to meet a nice guy, her lose.........don't beat yourself up over it........get your degree......and carry on..........tough getting older isn't it......Hope it ends well for you.................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ironwoods Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Can't help but think you were hoping for a more positive response. [E]; "Tomorrow mornings class session will be cancelled .......... for everyone but you, Mr. Cherry." [:|] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 [Van Halen voices] "I've got it bad, I've got it bad, I've got it bad, I'm HOT FOR TEACHER" M[] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaufman Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I'm not a regular visitor to this forum - I have a friend that shares links from here with me, but this is the first time that I've felt compelled to respond. It's very sad when the world has become so intolerant that a young hot teacher feels threatened when she gets an overly sexual email from a 50 y/o stranger out of the blue. How would you feel if you'd heard that your wife/daughter/mother got an email like that - one that scared her so much that she called in law enforcement? If that had been MY wife/daughter/mother - you wouldn't have been sitting in the principal's office - you'd be in the emergency room or the morgue. I'm not threatening you - only pointing out that her over-reaction could've been a LOT worse. I would suggest that, at 50, you might be better off learning that email is the same as face-to-face discussion. Would you have walked up to her right after the first class and said that? No? Then why would you think that it was appropriate to do so in an email. You should never say anything in email (or in a forum) that you wouldn't say to the same person to their face. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macho Nacho Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 When I ask babes out I usually give then a picture of me in the buff with my number on the back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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