Most esoteric joke...

[Amy]

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He'd lie awake in bed at night wondering if there really was a dog.

[Colin]

My long time favorite? I thought of that old joke, you know, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, `Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken.' And the doctor says, `Why don't you turn him in?' And the guy says, `I would but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd . . . but I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.

Woody Allen, Annie Hall, 1977 <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

[Colin]

A nun, a giraffe and a dwarf walk into a bar, and the bartender says:<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

What is this, some kinda joke?

[]

[Marvel]

The following was written by an engineer acquaintance of mine, while he was working on a plane that can fly 25k mph:

Coxs Law of Morons

A fundamental particle of nature with a very short half-life, except when in proximity to a large number of other morons. Then the wave-nature of the moron is exhibited in a mutual reinforcement which is destructive to surrounding matter.

While the half-life of a substantial mass of morons is long, exposure to a highly energetic environment speeds the decay into more fundamental particles, the bum quark and the unemployon. Some of these particles recombine with other particles, some continue to exist in this state for a very long time, while others disappear from the universe completely. The Fundamental Law of Conservation of Incompetence assures us though, that new morons will appear spontaneously elsewhere in the universe.

[sputnik]

I think there are other variations but this is from my days as oil field trash:

A top executive at major oil company was having a particularly hard time solving a tough problem. So, he calls in the three smartest employees of the company for assistence on this difficult project - one of them was an exploration geologist, the next was a petroleum engineer, and the third was an accountant. With the group of big brains assembled, the executive posed the question that had been stumping him - "what is two plus two?" The geologist pondered a bit that then responded that two plus two was somewhere in the range of three to five. The engineer scoffed and after completing pages of detailed analysis, he crunched numbers out on his calculator to and then confidently anounced that two plus two is exactly 4.00000000. The accountant then winked at the executive and asked "what would you like two plus two to be?"

Here's another old engineer joke :

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the engineer, the glass was over designed.

[WPM]

A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog on top of his head. The doctor looks at the man with total amazement, and before the man can utter a single word, the frog says "hey doc, how can I get this lawyer off my ***?"

[fini]

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"

[Tom Adams]

It's Bill's first day in prison and while sitting in his cell he hears someone yell out, "23!!!"

And the cell block erupts into laughter.

A few minutes later, someone else shouts, "57!!"

Again, the cell block roars with laughter.

After a couple more of these number shouting things, Bill asks his cellmate what is going on. His cellmate says, "Listen....all of us in here have heard the same 'ol jokes over & over again so we just assigned a number to them so we don't have to tell the whole joke. We just yell out the number."

Bill decides to give it a try and yells out, "48!"

Dead silence.

Again, he yells, "48!!"

More silence.

Bill looks at his cellmate and asks, "What gives?"

His cellmate looks at Bill and says, "I dunno man....some people just can't tell a joke."

Tom

[DRBILL]

A midget from Prague is being chased by the Gestapo. He runs into a restaurant and shouts, "Can you cash a small check?"

[Jay481985]

Here's one of my faves that only shows up on quite a few shirts - usually around the engineering side of campus:

???

[DrWho]

what, did the pic not show up?

[Jay481985]

oh no i just don't know what the picture is about?

[djk]

The picture was imaginary, get real.

[jacksonbart]

'J'!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jay481985]

oops and here I was thinking that was a j and had something to do with the word joint........

[Jay481985]

no JB its an "I" meant for imaginary numbers.... which engineers despise......

[Lostinozz]

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The Bartender says "sorry buddy, we don't serve strings"

So the string leaves the bar.

When he gets outside, the string unravels himself and ties himself in a knot.

He then returns to the bar and asks for a drink, the Bartender says "hey, aren't you that string that was just in here"?

The string says "I'm a frayed knot".

[djk]

Schrodinger's cat is<BLINK>not</BLINK>dead.

Schrodinger's cat found half-alive: "quantum theory is a misteak!"

"PETA has become incensed at the unneccessary potential suffering of Schrodinger's cat and has decided to undertake direct action against the aforementioned thought experiment"

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/science/6dff/

[DrWho]

It's a j, used to delineate the imaginary part of complex numbers (Z=A+jB). I'm not sure if it's just a campus thing or an engineering thing, but we never use i. I've been meaning to ask one of my profs about that actually. Anyways, you can tell who the engineers are on campus by the look on their face when they read the shirt... []

(and for the record, I love imaginary numbers....it's what gives us sound).

[pauln]

Engineers use 'j',

Mathematicians use 'i'.

In both cases it represents the square root of negative one and is used to form the imaginary part of a complex number.

In the progression of number sets (Natural, Integers, Rational, Real, and Complex) each upgrade is needed to perform additional operations not possible in the one before. Amazingly, once you get to Complex numbers you're done defining numbers- on from there its groups, rings, and fields...