Coytee Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 No condolences needed to me, as my emotional attachment here isn't as high as it could have been. My wifes father has had a girlfriend for say... 15 years now. Ever since his wife passed away. She moved in with him about 13 years ago (technically uninvited but I don't think he cared TOO much!!) Over the 13 years, she has looked out for him, cooked for him and so on. MANY of her belongings have osmosed to his house over the years. She has kept her house in working order, about an hour away. Last summer she developed clots in her lungs and that was the beginning of her downward spiral. Several months ago, Walt FINALLY told her he (in his mid 80's and tons of health issues) can't look after her (in her mid 70's and otherwise, in prior great health). She got antsy about that & moved back to HER house. As an aside, she's been on oxygen since last summer. Over the weeks of her moving home, she asked him to bring her, her clothes & belongings. He did take her most of (if not all) her clothes, however, he simply can NOT take her a treadmill she had at his house. He mentioned the treadmill and perhaps other items to her son who lives in between the two houses. She didn't want to put her son out to come get these things and she suggested that possibly I be the one to deliver them to her (of course, I don't have any truck or trailer either, just like her son) Her son never did come out to get anything. He simply ignored the reality and "we" weren't going to go rent a truck or something to deliver said items to her. To be clear... there are no anamosities here, other than a large disdain to her son who has never lifted a finger to dig in and help out. He's much too busy (at 55 ?) to go to swim competitions in the AARP class so he can beat up on other guys who are 70 years old it seems. Ok... I know this is long winded but I think some of the history is needed. She passed last night. her treadmill is STILL at Walt's house. Her son(s) have NEVER made any comment, effort or the like, to retrieve it nor any other of her belongings. Now that she's gone, I think it's even LESS likely they'll put any effort into it. One of them (the local son) happens to be an attorney. The wife, sister in law & Walt have chatted about these things and how they are going to "tell" the son he needs to do such & such... Realizing he's shown ZERO interest & effort to date, to do ANYTHING our way to help his mother, I'm not so sure words are the way to deal with him. I've told them they need to move all her things into the garage and that I'd help. List it all and then send him a certified letter, telling him he's got "X" days to get it all or we'll dispose of it however we see fit. Seeing as he's an attorney and as I recall once, has laughingly said "it's my JOB to piss people off" (or some derivation of that) I don't want to get into a situaton of "he said, she said" with him. He's a fairly arrogant idiot, shown little regard for his mother (as far as we saw her in OUR world...which, since she LIVED here, was actually quite a bit). I want to somehow make this clean and give him ONE chance to deal with it and if he fails to deal with it, then his door of recourse, will be closed. Any suggestions, or is my "move to garage, make list, send certified with receipt letter" sufficient??? Thanks for any thoughts and for reading the small novel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay481985 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Its state to stae on laws and applications how to dispose of the property under each state law. I would ask them to kindly move it out in a timely fashion like say 1 month or so... Is the treadmill such a big problem? I rather store it for half a year and then dispose it over disposing it and fighting over it for 6 months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coytee Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Its state to stae on laws and applications how to dispose of the property under each state law. I would ask them to kindly move it out in a timely fashion like say 1 month or so... Is the treadmill such a big problem? I rather store it for half a year and then dispose it over disposing it and fighting over it for 6 months. I wouldn't say anything would be a problem... however... the idea of us 'storing' it for someone who has shown ZERO effort to deal with these things over the last 6 months has used up some of our patience. Point being, if he's already had 6 months to deal with it, who's to say he's EVER going to deal with it? Here is this guy's mother who moved home. Needing & wanting some of her belongings back with her and he's simply 'too busy' to deal with one iota of this. Had the time frame been 6 weeks... ok, maybe he's got a big case and can't get away for 1/2 day... but over 6 months... I tend to discount that. What I see happening (as a possiblity) is us storing it either "forever" or for a long time until it might get damaged or worse. Then, if it gets damaged, I see him raising cane wanting us to reimburse him/them for the damage (item is currently in pristine condition). He's dodged opportunties to help clear his mothers things out before and frankly, what I REALLY think will happen is he'll simply "forget" about her things at Walts house forever more. I don't want any kind of limbo hanging over Walt's/our heads. This should have been resolved months ago and now that she's gone, it's clearly time for him to deal with it and if he doesn't close the door on this issue, I will (somehow). I know Walt won't deal with it as (for example) he had a contractor do some work at his house 3 YEARS ago and the contractor left a small ladder there. Walt called the contractor and he said he'd be back to pick it up. 3 years later, the ladder is still there. Walt won't throw it away "just in case" the guy shows up... well... in my book, the guy has lost all rights to the ladder and poor Walt needs to grow some gonads and close that door too. The silly ladder is sitting outside next to the workshed, waiting for the dude. Can you tell who the jerk in the family is??!! [:$] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.4knee Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Me I'd rent a truck and dump the stuff in the middle of his lawn...but that is just me.[] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheltie dave Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Coytee, I'd suggest mentioning your attempts over the time period trying to get it moved, and then state the stuff will be donated to Goodwill or Sal Army if they have zero intent to pick it up. Six months prior effort, another month to go, and then donate it so it will do good. Their Mom would appreciate that, and you get your keister covered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScorpsFan Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Coytee, Sorry to hear about her uncaring family members, but it sounds like you are on the right track. Move the stuff to the garage (easier to donate to a worth charity if they don't remove it) make a list, send it certified giving him a reasonable time to make arrangements for removal of said items. Edit: (Same as what Sheltie Dave said, only he did it quicker and better[]) Here's link to "Abandonment of Property Laws" which may be helpful: http://www.cga.ct.gov/2006/rpt/2006-R-0164.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arky Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Coytee, I'd suggest mentioning your attempts over the time period trying to get it moved, and then state the stuff will be donated to Goodwill or Sal Army if they have zero intent to pick it up. Six months prior effort, another month to go, and then donate it so it will do good. Their Mom would appreciate that, and you get your keister covered. I agree & be sure to document every item with pics & video if possible, SN's if applicable. Remember you & your wife are being the "better" people & you can take solace in the fact your father-in-laws gf provided him good companionship etc. I'm a great believer in the Golden Rule, don't let the fact the son is a lawyer scare you (not that you are). Good Luck & best wishes to your father-in-law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coytee Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Thanks all for your thoughts & comments. What I think I believe to be the 'best' course... is to first, do nothing. Let this time pass for all involved. Perhaps in a week or two, I can (unless father in law does) contact them & gently remind them we might have some of their things if they want to get out here with a truck and pick it up. Then perhaps wait the expected 30/60 days for them to do nothing and THEN send some form of certified letter so it is officially documented. I think that letter would then be the place to give a specific deadline and what our intents are if the stuff isn't picked up. Frankly, I think most of what's left is just some clothes that didn't go before due to trunk space. The specific item I'm 'worried' (bad word but drives my point) about is the darn treadmill. I'd suppose it cost over a grand new (no idea really) and certainly might be something they want since it's more of a hard asset instead of a dress she might have had for 5 years. So... right now... I do nothing & just let this time pass quietly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZAKO Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Tredmill is a good thing to have around....Why dont YOU use it. Enjoy its benefits. If the son comes around, so be it If not. if not....Enjoy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldbuckster Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 No matter what happens, be a GENTLEMAN, now Coytee, I know that's asking alot from you, just bite your tongue and be a Gentleman, that is the best course to take.............it's a sad time, and different people have different ways of expressing their sorrow............... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Travis In Austin Posted February 11, 2007 Moderators Share Posted February 11, 2007 Coytee, Is the dipsh!t son the lawyer, or does she have another son who is an attorney? If one of the other son's is an attorney send a nice letter to him. Explaining that your father has property that may belong to his mother and you would like some assistance in what toi do with it. Have it ready for them to pickup, or arrange for a local charity to come and pick it up? I am sure he will let you know. If the attorney-son is the dip sh!t is the attorney, send him a certified letter and let him know that if arrangements are not made to pick up her belongings within 30 days that you will assume her Estate has no interest in and that it is acceptable for the items to be picked up by a local charity. Prepare a receipt for the charity driver to sign when he comes and collects it. Make a copy of the receipt and then send it to the lawyer. And you are done. Travis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsear Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 Not to minimize the conundrum but this seems like much ado about nothing. Either they want her stuff back or not. If they want they can make arrangements to get it back. Having them would not have made any difference in the final course of her life and now they remain loose ends that need getting squared away. Anyone on their side who suggests that you NEED to deliver them can be told that you have no vested interest whether they stay or go away, come get em or drop the issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coytee Posted February 11, 2007 Author Share Posted February 11, 2007 Travis, the idiot son is the one that's the lawyer (though they're both a bit full of themselves) Today was the funeral/burial. Wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated. Father in law was overheard (by me) talking to the son/attorney. I only heard snippets but was basically FIL: I still have some of her stuff in a closet...(mumble mumble...) Idiot: (mumble mumble...) perhaps I can get a truck out there in a couple weeks and pick things up if that's ok??? FIL: (kinda forced laughing) Well... that stuff has been here for "YEARS"...so it's not hurting anything Idiot: (lauhing) ahh... so a few more weeks isn't going to hurt anything....(mumble mumble) That is about all I overheard of the conversation so it would seem that FIL has the ball in hand and is pushing it himself (which really surprises me). I just sat back...actually, I walked away and will see what happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WMcD Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 As Travis points out, the treadmill is now the property of the woman's estate. There is going to be an exector or administrator of the estate and an attorney for the estate; you'll have to deal with those persons. Maybe this puts you right back with dealing with the same people. On the other hand, they might take these rolls more seriously. Gil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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