JasN00b Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 after a while, shes back in a relationship with this guy who raped her!! she dumped a perfectly nice guy, who she had gone out with before, and now is back with the rapist. shes acting extreamly strangely recently, very angrily and almost expressing a paranoid nature. she has pretty much rejected me from her life, which is strange seeing as how we had become rather good friends... i tried to explain to her how he has no respect for her body or her mind, and how he puts his sexual satisfaction before her well being, but she just yelled "YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HIM!" and i just gave up.... shes screwing herself over... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sj993 Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 JasNoob, I'm sorry to say it but this kind of behavior is not uncommon among post-rape victims. For some reason they feel the need to go back to things as if nothing ever happened. It seems like that is what she is doing. I mean to go back to the guy who raped you is just beyond ridiculous IMO. But for her, she no doubt thinks there's nothing wrong with it and her "You don't even know him" line is evidence of that and is also evidence that she probably does know that she should'nt be with him or even have anything to do with him but is probably just afraid to break it off. I think you've been a great friend to her through the whole thing but really it's up to her to decide what to do and no matter what anyone else yourself included tells her or suggests to her ulitmately only she can make things change for herself. The only thing you can really do is just continue to be there for her the way you have been and voice your concerns for her well being. Hopefully in time she will come to realize the truth of her situtation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheEAR Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 You know this is sad,it really is. You try to help her and she spits on you! Be a man,act like one too.If she kicks you when you try your best to help her IGNORE HER FROM NOW ON Remember one day it will fall on her,then you will be able to say SO WHAT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruinsrme Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 Jas, Not to play down the situation but have you ever watched Lifetime. Those movies are based on true stories. As man bashing as the are they are true. At this point it appears that your hands are tied. If I was to recommend a course of action it would be to keep in touch with her just to remind her that you are a freind and still care about her well being.. Scott Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike stehr Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 You can't rape the willing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 22, 2003 Author Share Posted March 22, 2003 she wasnt willing... if you want to argue the validity of calling it rape go into the other thread... but this one is just asking for advice what to do now that shes back with that ******* so far thanks for the advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruinsrme Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 Mike Although most men feel that way and it is not true. The fact that she stays with him defies common sense. It may be because she fears him, he offers some obscure security or other reasons but it comes down to no is no and not "she wanted it." On the other hand she may have said she was in reaching for attentention for some reason or another. I assume this person is 17, 18 or 19 and is trying to figure out what love and love is. Not sure. scott Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 22, 2003 Author Share Posted March 22, 2003 shes 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davmar Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 I think it is ironic that your subject got twice the replies than mine having like five questions about setting up a stereo. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 22, 2003 Author Share Posted March 22, 2003 peoples well being takes slight priority over stereos i think = Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forresthump2 Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 "I think it is ironic that your subject got twice the replies than mine having like five questions about setting up a stereo. lol" My point exactly. A few blabbering Liberal hacks have ruined this board completely. Take it to the AOL chat room you clowns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 22, 2003 Author Share Posted March 22, 2003 well... judging by the contents of your signature i think i will be fine ignoring your post... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheEAR Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 Do not worry ForrestGump is a fat dude with a perverse desire to inflict pain on the weak people of this world.Forrst has the terrible Gumpy disease,this condition makes him agressive and prevents him from using common sense. I pray for ForrestHump,may God have mercy of him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sj993 Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 ---------------- On 3/22/2003 7:29:53 PM JasN00b wrote: well... judging by the contents of your signature i think i will be fine ignoring your post... ---------------- This is true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynnm Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 Jas I think you really do need to step back from this situation. The girl needs help but you are not the best one to provide it. In fact she is setting you up to be the enemy and transferring her anger onto you. This allows her to not deal with her feelings about him. It is also clear that while you mean well - you are not capable of being objective. Whether you intend it or not you are coming across as judgemental regarding how she shoul feel and behave. Understandably you are trying to get her to think and feel in an entirely logical manner about all this. That is not where her head is at right now. It is clear you want to "Fix it" but you cannot and in any event right at the moment she is not prepared to have anyone "fix it " because allowing anyone to "fix it" requires her to face that there is a problem. Right now she does not want to admit that a problem really exists. What I am saying may not make a lot of sense on the face of it but I know whereof I speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fini Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 Lynnm, I have come to realize that the #1 mistake most men make in relationships with women is "trying to fix it." Seriously, women hate this quality in men. Just LISTEN and shut up. Take interest, but don't tell her what to do (or what YOU'D do). As men, this doesn't come naturally, you must consciously hold your tongue. It will work wonders. fini Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audio Flynn Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 FINI is right Every man should read "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus". JAS, If you get in the middle of these types of problems you get the bad rap. She could even accuse you of harrassment or rape. It is difficult to stay away but it is too dangerous to "fix" a problem professinals even would struggle with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 23, 2003 Author Share Posted March 23, 2003 recent convo she had with her friend who was trying to get her to talk to her : no im pissed off because : everyone is like defending drew : and saying im a horrible person : i like who i am : im sorry you dont : but im finally myself : im not a ****ed up emotional teenager anymore : im finally out having fun with my life : and making good relationships here with ppl : but it seems like everyone is getting mad at me for that : but like.. im sorry.. but i dont care ne more : i mean ill never forget any of you, but i think the way im being treated for my confusions lately.. isnt all that fair : and if it comes to ending it and that being what everyone wants : then so be it drew is her very nice ex boyfriend who is very concerned, and i'm james. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anarchist Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 Perhaps she was never raped. Listening to this whole sordid deal, it seems many assumptions have been made and the guy deemed guilty. Reading your initial post and reading her last email - I would suggest the girl had sex with the new guy, felt guilty because he wasn't part of a certain clique, used you to alleviate her guilt by portraying it as a circumstance beyond her control, and has now decided to live her life without conforming to what the rest of you want. A rapist showing up waving condoms? The story sounded bogus from the beginning - particularly her consenting after a while and the being held down... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasN00b Posted March 23, 2003 Author Share Posted March 23, 2003 ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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