I'm starting a new company.

[oldbuckster]

Hey Cal, can I use that Snake Oil to lube up my Big Stones before I put them under my speakers? Thank God they're Heresy's, they kinda light...................

[Cal Blacksmith]

Hey Cal, can I use that Snake Oil to lube up my Big Stones before I put them under my speakers? Thank God they're Heresy's, they kinda light...................

You could try it and see. I have never tested it though. I do know it works with the pebbels.

I like the briliant pins, they look like they won't color the music in any way. You might want to make them in RED to warm up the sound that SS has. You would have covered the market then. Does the GOLD cap give a richness to the sound? You should think about a clear cap for the jar to avoid any possible unintended results.

[Cal Blacksmith]

......I tried Chinese snakes but they looked too much like dragons, perhaps there oil will be ok on the knock off TTs that are sure to come.....

You shouldn't dismiss the Chinese snake oil knock-off idea so quickly. My friends there could put out faux snake oil (or call it "tribute snake oil") for next to nothing. I swear that even an expert couldn't tell it from genuine snake oil.

Have them send me a sample for testing.

[skonopa]

The grease is in development but the darn stuff is so slick that it won't stay where you put it on the TT.

For those of you who have tried the oil and are happy, thank you for the kind words, Yes it does improve the connections when used IN SMALL AMOUNTS because if you use too much, the plugs won't stay in the jacks, they just fall out. A little goes a long way!

Hey, I propably could use this stuff on the bottom of my skis! Last year, I only took third in my age group in the ski races! Damn it! I want FIRST! This stuff ought to be just the ticket to get that edge. Also, since I don't have a turn-table in my setup, will it work on my CD transport?

[tychicum]

Could you please tell me how much it would cost to ship to Canada, Postal Code T3A 4N2?

Does anbody know it this will make it through Canada Customs "Endangerd Species" embargo?

Do you take Paypal?

[sputnik]

......I tried Chinese snakes but they looked too much like dragons, perhaps there oil will be ok on the knock off TTs that are sure to come.....

You shouldn't dismiss the Chinese snake oil knock-off idea so quickly. My friends there could put out faux snake oil (or call it "tribute snake oil") for next to nothing. I swear that even an expert couldn't tell it from genuine snake oil.

Have them send me a sample for testing.

Cal,

Our product originally had other intended puposes and it contains certain volatile compounds that necessitates discreet importation; however, I think that we can work that out. I've had some of my staff looking into the fake snake oil market and we see vast opportunity. What I have in mind here is entering into sort of a "cooperative competition" with Cal's Snake Oil.

Here is how I see the market place:

I think your target market group for Cal's Snake Oil is the top 5% of the population that controls 70% of the nations wealth. Lots of disposible income to squander on a rare and exclusive product. Furthermore, I'd guess that about half of the population is below average, IQ-wise. These are my people and I consider this group to be a prime market for our fake snake oil.

I think that you should look beyond the audiophile market into other high end markets such as gourmet foods ("tonight we feature truffles and capers sauteed in a light balsamic snake oil" said the Maitre D'). In the meantime I'll be pushing our fake snake oil for bowling balls and monster trucks.

While you're selling genuine snake oil to the blue bloods at a premium boutique price, we enter the bottom end of the market with our cheap fake snake oil from China. We can get a couple of respectable attorneys on the forum (St. Patrick and Jeff Mathews come to mind) to toss around some bogus patent law suits to generate enough press to froth up snake oil sales. You push the rare, exclusive, legitimate, and genuine snake oil while I flood the hoi polloi with imitation snake oil and we cash in on both ends.

I'm just painting in broad strokes here so lets cut to the chase - drop me a line and keep me in the loop for a heads-up so that we can flesh out the details and get up to speed to hit the ground running and stay ahead of the curve so that we can strike while the iron is hot for a net-net win-win bottom line at the end of the day when the smoke clears.

[Gilbert]

Someone please tell me this is a big joke...

[Cal Blacksmith]

EDIT: Sputnik you have a PM with details.

Sputnik I think you are on to something very big. A lawsuit
rumor (real lawsuits cost too much money but a rumor is just as good) would
indeed generate a lot of free publicity for us. There are few who dont know of
the Monster issue and thus the brand has very good name recognition.

The demographics you mention do indeed sound about right. We
both could do very well though it would depend on the success of my oil to
generate the needed product lust. Perhaps we could wait to introduce your fax
oil for about 6 months after my oil gets moving, that should generate the needed
snob appeal for your oil to sell well while my oil will be re-identified as The
Original REAL Pure snake oil

I am going to need to breed more snakes. We are running
about 200 skins a day right now that produces just less than 8 oz of oil when
you include the polymer to prevent evaporation. Like silicone, our polymer is neutral
to the human body but there is always the small percentage of the population
that has a reaction to it, not to mention the cost of getting the FDA approval.
If it was marketed as an herbal product that would get around all of the
legal hassles as just about anything can be sold that way. There could be a big
market in the health food stores as they will sell just about anything without
the slightest shame.

I had intended to do this myself but you have opened my eyes
to a much larger market, a partnership would indeed benefit the both of us.

Tychicum; the cost of shipping for you would be only $32.50
but that does include double boxing and extra bubble wrap. The species act
should be no problem as I am selling OIL that was/is intended for turntable
bearings. I will label it as motor oil and all should be fine.

PayPal is an acceptable form of payment. I will even take personal checks but they must clear the bank before shipment.

[MarkBK]

Someone please tell me this is a big joke...

Gilbert,

You should know by now noone here ever exagerates or lies.

[sputnik]

.....If it was marketed as an herbal product that would get around all of the legal hassles as just about anything can be sold that way.......

The "herbal" angle is brilliant. Since the study of reptiles is herpetology, why we don't we use the term "herpetal" to avoid legal scrutiny? Do you think anyone would really notice the difference?

Added: Got the PM and I think your concept definately has traction.

[Gilbert]

Wayne, is this serious? I'm having trouble keeping myself from crying [:'(]

[sputnik]

Gilbert is probably just whining because he didn't think of it.

Back to business. Cal, you mentioned something about "product lust". I'm just spitballing here but I thought I'd run this by you - do you think we could get the Thebes twins to pose for an update of the famous Nastasia Kinski poster? Since Avedon is no longer available, maybe Colter would do the shoot. This concept could lead into your idea for a line of body lotions (in this case, I think that we'd want to avoid using the term "herpetal").

[Cal Blacksmith]

Gilbert, tell you what, I will, only for you, send you a sample. I will even pay the postage. You then can tell us what you think about it. Though there have been many who have sent letters with their view of the product, you would be a great one to voice a unbiased view. PM me your address again and I will send you the sample.

[Cal Blacksmith]

Sputnik,

The twins would be nice to have but do they have any qualifications other than their great looks? Here is a model that I think would do well. She has done LOTS of add work, lives in LA but is willing to travel. Have a look at her commercial shots, I think she would do well. She is 39 years old so she is still young enough to have GREAT sex apeal but she also has the mature woman look also so she would apeal to women also. I am sure Colter would help us out as I am helping him out at the moment.

Tomiko

I can see a much larger market than I had intended but I realy would like to focus on the intended market, the audiophile.

[sputnik]

Cal,

I just had an idea - we should think green (or at least convince consumers that we are thinking green). We could set up snake oil recycling centers to take in used snake oil from your many satisfied customers. Since it really doesn't degrade, we simply rebottle the stuff they deliver and sell it right back to them as planet friendly snake oil. How's that for compounding profits (that's the kind of green I'm talk'n about)?

[oldbuckster]

Well, I used said oil on my big stones, and lo and behold, the H2's slid right off, tried again, same results, they slid off my stones, didn't hurt them, Boy that oil is slippery, will have to wipe the oil off my big stones, and try again, this time I will lightly oil my big stones, and give them a day or two for the oil to sink in,............I'll keep you posted.......

[Lascaladan]

Guys, this is pretty funny,even for me. I do not know where the term "snake oil" originated. It has been used in the audio industry for years. Having had snakes for many years( boas, pythons, kings, corns,etc.), snakes do not produce oil. However, try under ground earthworms. The oils that these creatures produce is quite fantastic. Multiple uses, not just for audio/video, if you get my drift. They also take up less room, do not require the controlled habitat temperature, do not require the feed intake(mice,rats,rabbits,etc.) and we all probably have them in our back yards(they come out in the rain). I have different bottles for different types of worms, when collecting them. The oils from the larger worms creates a wider and deeper soundstage. The oils from the smaller worms puts you in the front row, but does not seem to "surround" you as much. Time to turm up your extra channels when using this oil. Go for the "pinkest" of color. The application lasts longer. This is an FYI. Enjoy. Lascaladan

[colterphoto1]

From Wikipaedia (where all the good knowledge comes from, right?) :

Snake oil originally came from China, where it was used as a remedy for inflammation and pain in rheumatoid arthritis, bursitis, and other similar conditions. Snake oil is still used as pain reliever in China: higher in inflammation-reducing eicosapentaenic acid

(EPA) than any other known source, snake oil was an excellent and safe

remedy for joint pain. Snake oil is still sold in traditional Chinese

pharmacy stores.

Chinese labourers on railroad gangs involved in building the Transcontinental Railroad

to link North America coast to coast gave it to Europeans with joint

pain. When rubbed on the skin above the pain, snake oil brought relief,

or so it was claimed. This claim was ridiculed by other rival medicine

salesmen, especially those selling patent medicines.

In time, snake oil became a generic name for the many medicines that were marketed as a panacea

or miraculous remedy, whose ingredients were usually secret,

unidentified, or mis-characterized, and mostly inert or ineffective. At

best the placebo effect

might provide some relief for whatever the problem might have been.

Since EPA was unknown in the 19th century, and various medicine

salesmen or manufacturers seldom had enough skills in analytical

chemisty to analyze the contents and really find out what made snake

oil the "miracle" medicine it was claimed to be, snake oil became the archetype of hoax. Likewise, American snake fats do not have as high EPA contents as the Chinese water snake

fat does, and the American snake oils are likely to have been far less

efficient pain relievers than the original Chinese snake oil,

furthermore promoting the "hoax" archetyping.

The snake oil peddler became a stock character in Western movies: a travelling "doctor" with dubious credentials, selling some medicine (such as snake oil) with boisterous marketing hype, often supported by pseudo-scientific evidence. To enhance sales, an accomplice in the crowd (a "shill")

would often "attest" the value of the product in an effort to provoke

buying enthusiasm. The "doctor" would prudently leave town before his

customers realized that they had been cheated. This practice is also

called "grifting" and its practitioners "grifters".

W. C. Fields portrayed a Western frontier American snake oil salesman in Poppy

(1936), complete with crowd accomplice; his demonstration

(transparently fraudulentto the movie audience) of a miraculous cure

for hoarseness from the back of a buckboard ignited a purchasing frenzy. The English musician and comedy writer Vivian Stanshall satirised a miracle cosmetic as "Rillagothe great ape repellent" and many of J. B. Morton's Beachcomber

books and radio programmes included short spoof advertisements for

"Snibbo" a fictional treatment allegedly tackling various unlikely

human conditions.

The practice of selling dubious remedies for real (or imagined)

ailments still occurs today, albeit with some updated marketing

techniques. Cures for chronic diseases (for example, diabetes mellitus) for which there are only symptomatic treatments available from "mainstream" medicine, are especially common. The term snake oil peddling is used as a derogotary term to describe such practices.

An alternate theory for the origins of the term "snake oil" is that it was a corruption of "Seneca oil", after the Seneca tribe in the Eastern United States, who were known to use petroleum from natural seeps as a liniment for skin ailments. Native Americans are known to have used rattlesnake fat for various purposes.

[colterphoto1]

Composition of snake oil

The composition of snake oil medicines can vary markedly between products.

Snake oil sold in San Francisco's Chinatown in 1989 was found to contain:

• 75% unidentified carrier material, including camphor
• 25% oil from Chinese water snakes, itself consisting
  • 20% eicosapentaenic acid (EPA) - an omega 3 derivative
  • 48% myristic acid (14:0)
  • 10% stearic acid (18:0)
  • 14% oleic acid (18:1?9)
  • 7% linoleic acid (18:2?6) plus arachidonic acid (20:4?6)

The Chinese water snake (Enhydris chinensis) is the richest known source of EPA, the starting material the body uses to make the series 3 prostaglandins. These prostaglandins are the biochemical messengers that induce and regulate inflamation. Like essential fatty acids, EPA can be absorbed through the skin. Salmon Oil, the next best source contains 18% EPA. Rattlesnake oil contains 8.5% EPA.

Stanley's snake oil, produced by Clark Stanley, the "Rattlesnake King", was tested by the federal government in 1917. It was found to contain:

• mineral oil
• 1% fatty oil (presumed to be beef fat)
• red pepper
• turpentine
• camphor

(Note that this makes the above similar in composition to modern-day capsaicin-based

liniments. Thus, the original snake oil may have worked rather well as

intended, even if it did not contain its alleged ingredients.)

[edit]

Real snake oil vindicated?

Given Dr. Richard Kunin's 1989 analysis [1],

it appears the Chinese snake oil made from Chinese water snakes is very

high in EPA. This substance is known to be a pain reliever , and the

Chinese snake oil products may contain up to 4% of it. Snake oil does

not have the dubious reputation in China that it has in US and

elsewhere in the Western world, and it is used widely in traditional Chinese medicine. However, it neither has the image of a panacea either in China, but has one single use: reliever of joint and arthritic pain.

From a purely pharmacochemical perspective, it is likely the genuine

Chinese snake oil is not fraudulent, at least for the works intended.

On the other hand, American products made from rattlesnake fats, which

have at most 1/3 of the EPA concentration of Enhydris chinensis fat, are likely to have been inferior or even useless for similar purposes. As 19th century snake oil peddlers and apothecarians seldom had any serious chemistry or pharmacology

knowledge, it is likely they did not understand the action mechanism of

the Chinese product, or even what was its functional ingredient.

Instead of analyzing the authentic remedy, they tried to imitate it,

with unimpressive results. Because of those inferior or even fraudulent

products, snake oil gained the fraud reputation it has today.

[dtel]

Seee.................Lascaladan................. now your starting to fit in.......like it was said in the Mel Brooks movie it helps to be a little " Abby normal."