BEC Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY Day number 180 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! Day number 181 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! Day number 182 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed. DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan. DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twistedcrankcammer Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARYDay number 1808:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!Day number 1818:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!Day number 1828:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARYDAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed. DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan. DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time... Bob, I have my 11-87 *****, you've got the cat ready?? now... PULL! [] Roger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david.reed21 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Priceless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groomlakearea51 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I'm still crying; tears rolling down.... [Y][Y][Y][Y][Y][Y][Y][Y][Y][Y][Y][Y] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacksonbart Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Was it just me, but when I started reading the cat's journal entries, my internal voice started to sound like: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. RF62 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 ROFLMAO, THAT is good!!! [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seti Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 After living with my GF's cat I am convinced this is true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsear Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 This just happened last weekend. A true story. The mother in law and her husband, Carl, come for a visit. Without any prior notice they bring their cat. We own 4 dogs. Her stated plan was to keep kitty in their room. She strayed from that plan. For starts she decides to see how kitty does in the presence of 1 dog. She takes our most feeble Dachshund into the room with kitty. Lots of yipping and nothing else. Apparently it went well enough that she decided kitty could handle them all...... and she did not tell anyone else before acting on the plan. I see the 2 of them downstairs and being the gracious host leave the computer in the den to socialize. Along with me comes another Dachshund, a 45 pound Corgi and a Basset Hound. We 4 proceed out onto the patio where we find the N-laws and kitty, now tied to a rail on a 6 foot leash. In a flash the dogs are berserk and have kitty cornered in a dense dogwood bush (isn't THAT ironic?). 80 something year old Carl is anxiously trying to get kitty while I feverishly struggle to contain dogs. The noise was unearthly. The chaos was WW2 hand to hand combat. The best and safest Carl could do was to lift kitty up by its harness. Now the dogs have gone from 'kitty on a rope' to 'kitty pinata'. Carl is also now profusely bleeding from a nasty slash on one finger. He is on blood thinners and the stuff is liberally splattering anything and everything. Finally everything is under control. Nobody died, Carl has the worst injury, the cat is catatonic and the dogs excitedly wait for whatever comes next. The place looks like an angry Manson visit. Stupid really does not adequately describe what happened. They have since left and Carl's finger is a serious mess despite my medical self and my RN wife who is a wound care specialist. He could lose part of it in the long run. I like both cats and dogs and I have owned both at the same time. This was insane and not at all fair to any of them or us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 I'm sure the whole scene left many traumatized, but you have to realize just how funny that story is. I hope Carl's finger heals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill H. Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Sorry to hear of Carls Trama................whew ! I love the line in the Movie "Homeward Bound" Cats Rule, Dogs drool...................[|-)] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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